I’m new to the site and have joined because my mum has recently been diagnosed with grade 2 breast cancer that has spread to the lymph nodes. I feel really terrified especially as we’re not an especially open family and she has a tendency to keep what’s really going on to herself. I’m not close to anyone else in the family either and don’t have really close friends, so I feel very alone. My mum has been advised to have an masectomy and she will start on hormone tablets as soon as possible. I’m still in shock that it has spread as I was hoping it had been caught very early. All these emotions are going through me and I don’t know where to turn really.
So sorry to hear the news about your mum. It must be so difficult when she keeps things to herself althought I’m sure she is just doing it to try and protect you - I’m afraid I was the same with my daughters at the start. The hardest part of this journey was telling them.
Anyway you have come to the right place and women here have a great knowledge of everything you mum will be going through. Her cancer is grade 2 - which is not the most aggressive. The mastectomy will remove all the cancer and they will take infected lymph nodes or as in my case remove all lymph nodes - this seems to depend on where you stay and your surgeon. Following that she may need chemo but her treatment plan will be made following surgery and results. You say she will be put on hormone tablets which means her cancer is hormone sensitive which means there are a lot of treatments available to her.
She is lucky to have a daughter like you. I know you are in shock and trying to take it all in but try and take one step at at time and focus on the many positive outcomes that women now have. Any questions - just ask there is always someone who knows the answer you will get lots of support on this site.
I’m so sorry you have had this upsetting news. I wonder if you live near your mother, and if so whether you could perhaps offer to go to some of her appointments or treatments with her?
I think it is often very difficult for women with bc to open up to older children (and in my case parents as well) - it is so natural to want to protect them. If I can offer some advice, it would be not to ask her about her prognosis or how she is feeling, but to focus on practical issues about treatment. This way, if she feels the conversations won’t get too emotional, she may start to confide more.
So sorry to hear of your mum and you have come to the right place for help and support…you must be so worried and frightened at the moment. It sounds like your mum’s medical team have a good plan in place and they will be taking lots of factors into consideration when deciding the best course of action. The fact that it’s grade 2 does mean it isn’t the most aggresive type of breast cancer and being on hormone treatment means that it must be very strongly hormone receptive. It is good that they feel she won’t need chemo. There are so many types of breast cancer, this fact I didn’t know when this happened to me and I was really shocked to learn this…This site is really full of good help and information, please don’t feel alone,if you need to know anything please ask…Sending you a big hug and I hope all goes well with your Mum…
Thanks so much for the kind and quick replies - what a supportive site this is. Yes, it is really scary and frightening. I don’t live that close to my mum and due to my own health issues (not cancer) and circumstances I’m not really able to offer support in a practical sense, which adds to the frustration I feel. I’m texting and phoning her before and after appointments which I hope shows I’m there for her. We have talked about what is happening (at least, what she has felt able to tell me) but not the emotions, but as neither of us are good with the latter it’s the best way we can handle it.
I’m reassured that grade 2 isn’t the worst - i’ve been googling some info but it all seems a bit overwhelming at the moment. I think from what my mum said that they have already determined her cancer is hormone-receptiive, but I’m not 100% on that. She has a second biopsy earlier this week and said something about not having the results yet. It might mean it isn’t, but I’m sure she said hormone tablets were mentioned. I will have to ask her again.
I;ve never had to face this before and I feel really panicked and sort of unreal. Im glad I’ve got this place to come to.
Hi there over the rainbow I am a mum with BC who has a daughter. I would echo what Fiona, Finty and Anne have said. Sometimes the change in the dynamics of the relationship can be difficult. I have found it hard to accept the change and let go of the mumsy bit( in being Mum and the all knowing/coping/doing) but my daughter has been a great support to me, just by being there and listening at my appts and then coming back with wisdom beyond her years. Oh I am having a tear here. You do not say how old you are but I am 58 and my daughter is 32( got asked for proof of age recently when buying a glue stick recently) I really try to shield her from how I am feeling emotionally but she knows and is so supportive. I am so pleased that she has a lovely boy friend who in turn supports her. Do you have support too?Jackie x
Hi Jackie, I’m pleased that you and your daughter are able to support eachother through this difficult time and thta your daughter has her own support. As I said I don’t have a close family so support there is limited.I’m a single mum to my son who is disabled, so I find life lonely especially as my mum has always been a good practical support to me and now obviously she can’t be, at least for a while. I have a few friends but no one really close. I do see a counsellor though, and have been for other issues for some time so I have that support there. I am 28 years old. I feel all over the plave this morning. Thanks for your reply.
Hi Overtherainbow,
If there is a Maggie centre near where you live, may I suggest that you contact them. They have an excellent network of councellors who will be there to help.http://www.maggiescentres.org/maggies/maggiescentres/home/home.html
They are mostly based in Scotland but also London, Oxford and more.
They are there to support patients AND their families.
Take good care
S.
You don’t say if your mum has been taking anyone with her to appointments. If she is not, try to persuade her to take someone.
If nothing else, they may hear more of what is being said by the medical team - I know talking to my wife aferwards it was quite surprising how much of the appointment she had not heard - there can be a tendency to miss things when you get such bad news.
Thanks both for you for the advice, I will definitely look the centre up.
My mum hasn’t been taking anyone with her but I can see the advantage of doing so and will try to persude her. She’s a very private person though so not sure she will like to have company but will try!