My Precious Daughter
My Precious Daughter My beautiful brave daughter, Tracy, found she had Breast Cancer on her Wedding Anniversary, 25/06/98, at that time she was 28 years of age. Sadly she lost her very brave fight to live on 13/8/2003, aged 33.
At the time of Tracy finding the breast lump, she and her husband had decided to try for a baby, it would have been the first Grandchild. Tracy agonized whether to continue trying for a baby or not. Before she had a chance to decide, the decision was made for her by her Oncologist, the answer was no because of the type of breast cancer she had, so that was another blow to her. Although i’ll never be a Grandma, thinking back it was the correct decision, but a very painful one.
Tracy was always concerned about other people and always said that there were people worse off than her, she never complained, even through her bad days. She remained very positive and went to work when she felt well enough. My heart goes out to all who are suffering from this un-forgivable disease, but, all I can say is, try and remain positive, when you feel well enough try and do the things that you have always wanted to do, it does help as your mind gets some relief from the stress. As for me, I still find it very difficult to come to terms with life without my Tracy, my very best friend. If, perhaps, I can be of some help to anyone, please say so on the forum, or email me if you prefer.
Love to all, from Judy, Tracy’s Mum. XXXX
What a wonderful message Dear Tracey’s mum,
Thank you so much for this message. Words fail me - I am sitting here wondering what to say - to lose a daughter to this disease must be unbearable. What a tragic loss for you. Do you feel her near you?
I think Tracey made the right decision about children. Leaving her baby would have been terrifying for her - I know that my sister’s main fear is for her children and their future. I hope that doesn’t sound harsh - to have a grandchild would be wonderful, especially as that child would be a part of your daughter, but I know that the young mums on this site are so scared about leaving their children. Tracey lives on in you though doesn’t she? She came from you and you are part of her.
I am sure you will be of great solace and comfort to people on this website. As you were to your beautiful daughter.
Much love, Lilly.xx
thinking of you Since I was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this year I have been a regular visitor to this site and have been humbled by the brave and inspirational people that post here, many of whom have been or are going through much worse than I have. Your message brought tears to my eyes, even through your pain you are trying to help others which is truly wonderful. I have two beautiful daughters and my one consolation through my treatment was “thank God that it is me, and not them.” They, like your daughter, are my best friends.
I cannot imagine how it must feel to lose a child. The day that your Tracy was diagnosed in 1998 was the same day that I lost my precious mum to liver secondaries following bowel cancer, which was the saddest day of my life. How much worse must it feel to lose your daughter.
Thank you for thinking of others, I am sure that Tracy is always with you, as I feel my mum is with me. I am sure that your lovely message of support will be welcomed by all on this site.
With much love,
Nicky
“What a Mother” Hello Tracy’s mum
You remind me so much of my own mum, who I lost to cancer in march 1996,
Caring about others, never complaining or moaning. It’s very obvious where Tracy got her character from. The very lovely lady she called mum! You are obviously still very proud of Tracy and QUITE RIGHT TO.
Please keep in touch with us, it will be lovely to hear from you again
With Much Love
Lynn
So sorry I am so sorry to hear your daughter lost her fight against breast cancer. As I sit here your message brings tears to my eyes i wonder if one day my mum will be sitting here saying that I lost my fight to breast cancer it is something that scares me everyday but I quess I need to be like your daughter and be positive and do all the things in life that I wont to do now.
You sound like such a lovely lady offering help to us all thank you
Love Clairemm x x
My precious mum Dear Judy,
I read with great sadness your message. I am sure you would have made a wonderful Grandma just as my mum was. It was the first anniversary of losing her recently and I can honestly say I still feel as devastated as I did at the time. She is constantly on my mind in everything I do and I miss her desperately, all the little things I took forgranted, all the things we never got round to doing, all the plans we had made. She became ill just before we were due to go on a family holiday, the first since I was a child. I feel so angry that we never got the chance to spend some quality time together. I dont even have a photo of the two of us together although we were close and I spoke to her everyday for all of my life. I have put severa posts on this web site and it helps to speak to someone when you are having a particularly bad day. I could talk about her all the time and do to be honest, to anyone that will listen.
I have to ask you if it does get any easier. I just dont imagine feeling anything but lost and alone and eternally heartboken. I havent touched her things yet as I feel it be be accepting that she is not coming home. My dad wont do it and I just cant either. I cant even look at her photo. I picture everything about her, face, hands, skin, every feature, the warmth of her touch, her wonderful smell, her laugh, humour and it goes on and on. I just cant accept that she has been taken from me. I wonder how everyone on this site copes. I have a busy life but she is still my ongoing thought of every day. How do you come to terms with it ?
With love x
TRY NOT TO BE SCARED Hi Clairemm,
Thank you for the lovely things you said, they choked me up.
I wanted to say to you when looking into the future, do it with hope [yes I know it’s hard], please, please try and be positive. I was once told that if you look at life with positiveness, then one’s outlook does start to develope some lightness, like seeing the light at the end of a dark tunnel. You also say that you guess that you need to be more like my daughter, that is a great compliment, thank you, but at the same time, be yourself, that is the greatest thing that you can do.
I hope you don’t mind me asking, but when were you first diagnosed with BC and what treatment have you had so far, and do you and your Mum sit and talk to each other about your illness. I ask about you and your Mum for a reason. When my daughter was diagnosed she wouldn’t talk to anyone about it, even me for a while and people thought that she should, and yes it did upset me that she wouldn’t talk to me about it. But it wasn’t long before I realized why, she needed to come to terms with it and get her head around it. When she wanted to talk she would tell me, and like she once said to me, that she had to be in control, it was her illness and apart from that she felt she didn’t want to burden other people with her probs. She never asked me what I would term dodgy things, until about 3mth before her passing and she asked me if she was going to die. She stunned me and because I was also scared, I think I let her down by not telling her what did go through my mind, so I told her she wasn’t, but I don’t think she believed me and she asked me again, again I gave her the same answer, so it was left at that. It was the worst question anyone has ever asked me.
The day she had to go back into hospital she told me she didn’t want to go, I asked her why, as it had come to a point where I couldn’t help her, I didn’t have the correct medication. She said that if she went she knew that she wouldn’t come out, and she was right, God love her, she knew, but really I had no choice and I think she knew that too.
Take care, i’ll chat with you again soon, on a light note unless you would like to know more about my precious daughter.
Bye for now,
Judy xxxx
mothers and daughters Dear Judy,
I just want to say hello as your post struck a chord with me.
I was 27 at dx last November, and have been very lucky to have respoded well to all my treatment so far.
Unfortunately my relationship with my Mum has become very difficult this past year, as she doesn’t seem able to offer me the emotional support I need.
I have struggled at times to feel positive, and maybe I have pushed her away when I needed to deal with things my way. I can understand what Tracy meant about wanting to feel in control.
Sadly I now feel a lot of anger and disappointment towards my Mum for having let me down when I needed her the most. I hope one day to feel close to her again, although it is very daunting to know how to start to rebuild the relationship.
It was very moving to read your heartfelt message about your daughter. I was especially touched by your wise words to Claire that the greatest thing you can do is to be yourself- that’s a lesson few people seem to learn in this life.
I hope you feel some small comfort at least in the knowledge that your support and understanding will have been a very special gift to your daughter in her hardest moments. You sound like a wonderful and loving person, I am sure Tracy was so proud to call you Mum.
Alice xx
Hi Judy
Your daughter sounds amazing & I hope I can be that strong.
I’ve been keeping positive so far but I think I’m having a reality check at the moment & realising what is actually happening to me. I’m 26 & was diagnosed back in June. Just going through chemo at the moment.
I come from a close family, Mum, Dad & two younger sisters. We have always talked about things but not this. I don’t really know how to talk about my feelings without upsetting them - even more than my situation already has. I’m hoping that through getting in touch with BCC support I might be able to start talking.
Seeing your post makes me realise I am possibly in danger of pushing Mum out for fear of hurting her & I should give my Mum more credit as she is such a strong person. Thanks.
Sarah x
Younger women telephone support groups Hi Sarah
You may find the telephone support group for younger women of interest and support, the group has been developed specifically for women in their 20s and 30s who have been diagnosed with primary invasive breast cancer.
The aim of the group is to give you the opportunity to talk privately and confidentially to other women around the UK with similar experiences.
breastcancercare.org.uk/content.php?page_id=3750
Kind Regards
Forum Host