My sister is at the end of her tether and now she has to look after our 93 year old Dad

My sister, who is 57, was diagnosed with hormone caused breast cancer 5 years ago and had to have a mastectomy of her right breast and 12 lymph nodes from under her right armpit. She’s been in remission ever since but takes Tamoxifen every day and was taking a bone density pill every Saturday which caused her to have terrible heart palpitations. When she went to her local doctor he said he could put her on to beta blockers, which she refused because of more side effects. She is extremely tired and stressed as it is.

Our Dad has been living with her for the past 3 years and is 93. In February he had a stroke and has been in hospital ever since. He still has to have his personal and toilet needs taken care of and he cannot walk without someone assisting him. The hospital want to discharge him but my sister does not want to tend to his toilet needs and is very worried about this in between carers coming. The alternative of putting him in a home is not an option as we feel he would deteriorate and also it would leave the pressure on my sister to go on visiting him, which is wiping her out.

My partner and I live in a two storey house with a spiral staircase so cannot have Dad living with us instead. I went down to see my Dad and my sister and feel that my sister is on the verge of a breakdown, if she hasn’t had one already.

Two of her children are grown up with families of their own and her third child (son) 16 just holes himself in his room and is oblivious to his mother’s plight.

Are there any support groups that make home visits in this regard.


Hi Chunga, 

It sounds as though you and your sister are going through a really difficult time which I am very sorry to hear. Our users here are very supportive and I am sure they will be along to share their own experiences and offer a friendly ear. You may also want to look at our Supporting Someone with Breast Cancer page.

If you would like to talk things through and need some support please do call our helpline at 0808 800 6000. They will be able to talk to you about any questions you have, support for your family and offer a friendly ear. The opening hours are below.

Monday-Friday, 9am-5pm
Late opening Monday and Wednesday 5pm-7pm,
Saturday, 9am-1pm 

Best wishes,