Hi I’ve never used a forum site before, but after spending the evening with my sister yesterday, I felt I needed to contact people in the same boat as me. My lovely sister was diagnosed with breast cancer on Christmas Eve, she had a lump which couldn’t be removed, so she had a mastectomy. Her lymph glands were clear, but her consultant advised and recommended chemo as ‘belt and braces’ She took a long time to heal, she had the mastectomy on 2nd January, but still has an open wound. She had infection after infection and they had to fit a pump to the dressing on her wound to draw the fluid out. Finally she got the OK to start her chemo and had her first session on Monday 17th March. She said she was OK that day, a bit nauseous in the evening, and finding it hard to sleep. I went to see her yesterday and she was very tearful, worried about not seeing her granddaughter, she had a bad cold, and also about loosing her hair. She has been told that she will loose her hair, and at first she wanted a wig, we had planned on visiting a place together on Saturday, and she was very positive about this. Now she has changed her mind, she said that she doesn’t want to wear a wig now and would prefer a bandanna or head scarf. Her daughter has already bought her some and if that is what she wants, I will support her all the way. The only thing that I am struggling with is she wants me to cut her hair off for her this weekend and shave her head. Her three daughters said they couldn’t do this, it was too emotional for them. I am her only sister and said of course I would do it if it what she really wants, and we can talk about it again on the weekend to make sure it is really what she wants. She is frightened of her hair coming out in lumps and leaving bald spots - I don’t know if this will happen, she is reluctant to ask questions and point blank refuses to look up information on the web as she is scared of what she will find. I left her saying that we would carry on talking about it and if she really wanted me to do it I would. Since I got home, I couldn’t stop crying and am really scared about doing this for her. I will do it, but it has hit me like a rock. Our parents are away (another issue) and I feel that I have to be the strong one, I am fairly strong, and will always show that in front of her, but I am crumbling inside. I suppose what I really want from this is to know what happens when hair falls out, how people cope and how quickly it happens. Is it really necessary to shave it off so soon or will it be best all round ??? Your advice is much appreciated
Hello,
Welcome to the forum you will get lots of help and advice here . There is one thread’ top tips going through chemo’ which will be really useful to you and your sister. I can understand she dosn’t want to come on here yet but perhaps you could print some of the useful stuff off for her?
I can’t help much regarding shaving the hair as i kept most of mine by using the cold cap. i do totally understand it would be a huge thing for you to have to shave her head - could you pehaps get a friendly hairdresser to come to the house and do it instead? I think your sister will know when her hair is about to fall out - i got a very sore tingly head jus after chemo no 2 and then clumps came out ( for me it wasn’t too drastic as I’de done the cold cap) but it is scarey finding a whole birdsnest on your hairbrush and loads of hair clodding up the basin.
It is a very emotional journey but she is lucky to have you to support her - be strong she will come thorough it
Caroline
Hi pinkcakemaker and welcome to the BCC forums where I am sure you will continue to find lots of support
In addition you and your sister are welcome to call our helpliners to talk through any concerns or queries on 0808 800 6000, lines are open weekdays 9-5 and Saturday 10-2 for practical and emotional support
Here’s a link to the BCC treatments page where you will find hair loss information and further support ideas which you may both find helpful:
breastcancercare.org.uk/treatment?utm_source=Homepage&%3Butm_medium=help_you&%3Butm_campaign=treatment
Take care
Lucy BCC
This is nobody’s fault. I remember when my sister was diagnosed with cancer Stage III, she too had a mastectomy followed by chemo. The situation with the hair seemed to be the pinnacle of when these things really hit home. Hair is so important and part of a womans true identity and the patient knows they’re almost certainly going to loose it. I remember brushing my sister hair and it did start to fall out in clumps, she was so down that day and it’s understandable, luckily my daughter was with us and suggested that she shave her hair then and there. I knew that my feelings about the situation were that I didn’t want to be responsible for taking her hair away, I didn’t want to my actions to contribute to an already awful situation. I agree, if you have a mobile hairdresser that will come to the home that might ease your tension, you could explain that maybe your hands are too unsteady or you’re not really confident on the shaping round the ears. There maybe tears. My sister was exactly the same about searching for information on the net and support groups, but I find them useful because there is a great deal of acceptance to come to terms with. On the clinical side chemo is derived from mustard gas by it’s very nature it lowers the serotonin in the brain (the feel good factor) if your sister appear overly worried, anxious please ask her to tell her oncologist or her breast care nurse and they maybe able to prescribe anti-depressants there’s nothing to be ashamed of these could help balance the levels, but please remember that this situation is nobody’s fault and repeat it to yourself daily, hourly if it helps. I had to do this especially when I thought I was going to blow at someone with no good cause. I also find walking helps, luckily I have two dogs and I could just go off whenever I pleased.
You’re so welcome, it’s good to know you’re not alone, and can find comfort in these few words. You did make me laugh about your Jack Russell. I have a lab and a New Foundland great for cuddles too.Xx
Hi Pinkcakemaker, your sister is very lucky having you close by to support her. My sister lives in Australia and both of us have had breast cancer. She was a rock for me whilst I was having treatment, albeit on the telephone. Don’t underestimate how important you are to her recovery. I personally tried the cold cap treatment whilst having chemo in order to keep my hair for as long as possible. It worked for the first two rounds and then became too painful so I gave up. I had my hair cut very very short at the hairdressers in preparation for losing it. It was quite distressing when it started to fall out on the pillow, so I got my lady shave and shaved the top and sides and asked my partner to ‘finish off’ the back! I think it helped both of us to feel empowered in some strange way. I then treated myself to a short Raquel welsh wig from selfridges. It was worth every penny. As a friend said, ‘think about all that money you are saving in not going to the hairdressers, treat yourself’. I only wore is a few times for special occasions and no one stared at me, the rest of the preferring to wear little hats. There was great excitement when my hair eventually started to grow back about 8 weeks post chemo… It was dark rather than blonde and I’ve kept it short ever since. I’m now 2 years post diagnosis and going strong. Sending you and your sister lots of love and light. Katie x