My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer last august 2007. Obviously it was a big shock to us both. Their was no family history,she has never smoked,she rarely goes out drinking and socialising.
She is grade 3 but we are not sure what that means exactly and i dont think we want to know.She had her lymph nodes removed under her left arm folowed by a mastectomy.She has completed a course of chemotherapy and is due to start radiotherapy this week at christies.
She is also taking tamoxifen and is able to have herceptin at some point.She will be having her ovaries removed also through key hole surgery which i believe is not too intrusive.
Throughout it she has remained extremely positive and the side effects have not been as bad as expected.We have 3 young boys who are aware of the situation,sort of. She has a wig called erica which the boys have tried on.
Not sure what the long term future is but i certainly intend to remain totally positive and believe the cancer has gone and once the treatment is over we can get back to normality again.Hope my wife thinks the same but she says the odd little things that make me wonder ,but i guess thats natural because she is the one going through this after all.I carry on with life as normal as possible and fully intend to remain totally positive.In some respects i feel this is just a dream, it seems strange to think that my wife has cancer.
Her hair is starting to grow back,it is a bit clumpy but getting there.In the evening when the kids go to bed she asks me if i mind her taking her wig off which i find quite ridiculous because i dont bat an eye lid when she does.Who really knows what a person is thinking inside even if you have been married for 11 years. I just hope she feels as positive as i do.
I love the wig called erica but I suspect the optimism may mask some fears below the surface. Which are quite understandable. I found it impossible to be totally positive all the time, it’s a bit of a strain isn’t it? I hope for the best but prepare for the worst. I’ve even planned my funeral - a few jolly songs and a few morbid ones.
A friend of mine has had chemo which I didn’t and has lost her hair, I was pleased she felt she could take her wig off in front of me. Like you I know she’s the same person she was, with or without hair, but maybe she feels differently.
Good luck
Mole
The survival rates for breast cancer are good these days, so there is every reason to be reasonably positive. However undeniably some people do not get better, which means that anyone diagnosed with the disease has doubts and fears. I found these two states of mind seemed to exist simultaneously within me (still do, 4 years later) and mostly the positive side was my day-to day approach, but questions did raise themselves from time to time, and I did have the odd bad day (or night).
You seem to be a very caring and thoughtful husband. The only advice I can give is to be sensitive to her changes of mood, positive when she is but allowing her to raise concerns.
Do continue to post, this is a very helpful site
and best wishes
Sarah
I am very similar to your wife, but dx six months earlier in Feb 07. I had a mastectomy & level one clearance, grade three tumour, 3/16 lymph nodes affected, chemo, rads, and am now on tamoxifen & herceptin - 7 down, 11 to go. I was 44 at dx and have three children, although mine are all now teenagers. So far all the treatment seems to have put me into the menopause (time will tell for sure) so no ovary removal for me.
I too try to remain positive, and manage it most of the time. But every so often a thought catches me unawares and I am terrified. For a brief time I am convinced that this disease will come back and kill me. And I am far too young for that, and I have these three children whom I want to see grow up and have families of their own. I am so much looking forward to being a grandma one day.
As the one going through it all there is so much that you don’t say to family & friends in order to protect them. So many fears go unspoken. I am sure that your wife has plenty of those.
Sorry to hear of your wife’s dx. As has been said already it is a very scary situation for any of us to be in and no matter how upbeat or positive we keep it there are always the little doubts and niggles that manage to raise their ugly little heads once in a while. You do sounds like a very caring and supportive partner and this has to help.
Wish your wife good luck with the fight… we are all fighting along with her.
Thanks to all for your kind words of support and all the very best to each and everyone of you.
Hi 1377184
Just wanted to wish you and your wife all the best. She is lucky to have such a supportive partner as you. You say you don’t know what’s going on inside, but I will say that she is bound to be fearful at times. Personally I found the time after treatment (chemo, mastectomy, rads, now on tamoxifen) the most difficult, but I can tell if that happens to her you will be there.
Good luck to both of you and your children
Cecelia. x