Nearing the end of treatment and terrified.

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Coming up on a year since my diagnosis of breast cancer and life has been turned upside down in that year.
I’d just moved in with my partner of a year to a new city and was full of hope and excitement about our new home and life together. Registered with a new GP and casually mentioned a small dimple under my left breast. Mammogram & biopsy 2 weeks later confirmed the diagnosis. The past year has been nothing but surgery, more surgery, chemo, yet more surgery and now waiting for start date for radiotherapy. My partner was amazing from day one, kept me laughing when I wanted to cry. Held my hand through everything. But the last few months it’s become a struggle. I’m worn down by everything I’ve been through and he is frustrated with what it’s done to me. He wants the old me back, fun-loving and carefree. I don’t know if I’ll ever be that person again. I feel so angry that on top of everything I’ve been through this **bleep** seems to be tearing us apart too. I don’t know how to get him to see this is not forever and I want us to fight to keep what we’ve had. It’s hard to tell if our issues are solely down to the bad year we’ve had or if this is just how it would have gone anyway. He has briefly opened up aboit his fears that someday my cancer will come back again. I feel guilty we both live with that fear. Please tell me others out there have been through this and made it through.

Thanks for reading. X

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Orlab007

 

Hello and welcome to the forum.There are many many ladies who will be able to relate to exactly how you are feeling, including me xx

 

It was difficult enough with me and I did not have chemo.  Your life is turned upside down and your life as it was went out the window because of appointments, surgery, more appointment, rads, and then having to take a tablet every day for the next 10 years.  It does take time to adjust and come to terms with what you have been through, but honestly it really does get better, and you are now on the last bit of active treatment in having your radiotherapy.

 

I dont know if you have tried this, when I was about to start treatment my boss arranged for me to have counselling as I was struggling with the fear of crashing and burning, I have the added complication of my partner of 18 years having MS.  It was the best thing I ever did, it allowed me to have some time with someone who did not know me, to say things to her that I would not say to my family/friends for fear of upsetting them. Perhaps your partner could access something as well, where he can talk about his fears of it coming back.

 

The fear does ease with time, I no longer wake or go to bed thinking about it, I am nearly 20 months post diagnosis.  Life does get better, the old you is still in there but with a bit of a different perspective on life, it has just changed somewhat.  Things that I used to get stressed about I now no longer do as there are better things for me to concentrate my energy  and time on.

 

It is hard for our partners because they are scared of what they have seen you go through, scared of what it has done to you and obviously because they love you, scared of losing you.  I know my partner has only opened up to me a couple of times, and there are times when he has appeared quite dismissive, however over time I have realised that this is because he has been scared.

 

Perhaps you could suggest to him that he comes on here, or show him some of the posts from ladies like myself and others who have finished treatment many many more years than me.  There are ladies on here who were diagnosed 14 years ago and are still around.

 

I dont know when you are starting radiotherapy but we have a thread under the Goin Through Treatment section, on which there is a monthly rads thread, where ladies who are continuing their treatment that month and ladies who are starting are able to help and support each through it.  this is the link for the June one:

 

forum.breastcancercare.org.uk/t5/Radiotherapy/June-2018-Radiotherapy/m-p/1219997#M32767

 

Sending you both hugs.

 

Helena xxx

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Hi Orlab

 

It’s Emily from Breast Cancer Care. 

 

I’m really sorry to hear about your very challenging year. As well as your diagnosis, the shock, and the treatments, I’m sorry to hear that you’re having relationship struggles too as a result.

 

While you’re waiting for responses here, I just wanted to let you know that we have telephone volunteers who had relationship difficulties because of their diagnosis. If you’d like to be put in touch with someone, just let me know and I’ll drop you a direct Forum message to make arrangements. 

 

Do you think your partner might benefit from support too? Our volunteer **Stuart **can support partners too, and can be emailed directly at stuart@breastcancercare.org.uk if your partner thinks this might be helpful for him too.

 

 

Wishing you all the best.

Emily at Breast Cancer Care