Hi,
I was diagnosed last June when I was 31 and have always been very positive, at least on the face of it, until recently! As far as my family and friends are concerned I am fine and apart from the reconstruction beng finished it is all behind me and I am moving on. I just don’t feel like that though. I am not in work at the moment because I have recently had LD reconstruction with implant and am gradually being pumped up. Apart from taking my children to school and clubs etc I don’t really leave the house at the moment. I feel like I have lost all my confidence and although I have never been a vain person I find the change in my appearence very difficult to come to terms with. I have a great partner and my children are wonderful and reading all the posts on this site I realise that I am in a far better position than a lot of people so I feel guilty for moaning but I just can’t seem to lift my mood.
Sorry for waffling on, I just thought it may help if I had some support from the many wonderful people on here.
Sinead x
Sinead dont apologise your certainly not waffling…I was diagnosed at 31 5 years ago and still have days where i do not want to leave the house, my husband and freinds think i should be swinging from the chandeliers now but thats not how i always feel, somedays i just want my sofa and the telly and want to ignore the world.
Your not alone sweetie we have been dealt a crap hand in life and we learn in our baby steps to deal with that, you are doing what you can for your kiddies and if thats enough for now so be it…
Enjoy the sunshine in the garden or pamper yourself you have been through alot
Hi Sinead
Just because you are in a good position compared with a lot of others doesn’t make it easier. I think this is still early days.
I was diagnosed last May, so a similar time to you. This is actually my second time around having had it ten years ago. It took me really a good 2/3 years to get over it properly last time.
I went back to work after 6 months but I think it was too soon. I was of the opinion that I had to get back to normal and pull myself up by my bootstraps and act as though everything was OK. This time I just want to accept that I will be Ok and back to normal but I am not going to rush it. I just mentioned on another thread I am a bit scared of visiting London alone… hmm big thing for me to admit but… like you I have mislaid my confidence for a while. But… we will get back there!!!
Don’t worry about it, just be your own best mate and treat yourself well.
with love
Topperx
Thankyou both so much for replying, it is a huge relief just to admit that I feel a bit low especially to people who understand the reasons behind it. I’m sure my mood has not been helped today as I went to the hairdressers this morning for the first time since my hair has grown back and I went in looking like my Nan with what looked like a curly set and I’ve come out looking like Ruth Maddock from Hi De Hi! Not sure which is worse.
I am quite a private person and find it very difficult to express my emotions and it took me a long time to pluck up the courage to post on here but already I’m glad I did.
Thankyou again and I hope you are both well and happy
Sinead x
Hi Sinead
I am going through a similar phase. Was diagnosed last july - left mast, 7 months chemo, 1 month rads and now on tamoxifen. I worked full time through out it all then 5 weeks ago i just couldnt cope - was uncontrollably crying at work, couldnt get out of bed in the morning, felt panicked at the thought of going to work or anywhere too public. I think its the realisation - no more weekly support from chemo or radiotherapy staff and your left on your own !!
Thats where this site has helped me alot, just keep reading and posting and it gets slightly easier. Im not back at work yet (still scares me) but Im getting out and about with my mum and kids
Hope you look after yourself and let your OH and kids spoil you
Take care
ails xx
Sinead
Hun your hair will grow back sooner than you think, i know when i had my first post chemo cut i looked like pat from eastenders, now its a bit longer i am happier with it.
Your confidence will come back, i know sometimes i hate talking about this to other people who have not experienced it, i feel like thier life is going on at a steady rate whilst i am left behind, also when i see other young mums with thier kids i admit to feeling a tinge of jealousy that they dont have to think about the effects of this disease and dont have the problems with coping when they are really tired or aching from the after treatments.
I found going out for coffee on my own helped that way i could get out of the house but not have to be bright and breezy to please others…none of this is fair lets be honest and theres no right or wrong way to deal with it…do what you can and to hell with everybody else, i always say as long as my little boy is well and being cared for everyone else can think what they like.
Be kind to yourself
Sorry to hear you have been feeling the same Ails but glad you are starting to feel a bit better. I think you are right that as soon as the treatment stops and you are left to your own devices things all get a bit scary. Perhaps it’s because we have more time to think about things. Although the thought of going back to work scares me I think it will do me good because it will force me to get up and out and mixing again.
Nixxic, I think I’ll take your advice and get out tomorrow on my own for a bit even if it’s just for a walk. Most importantly though i feel the same as you in that I have two very happy, very healthy children and as long as they continue to be so I’ll be ok.
Anyway to top off my day I just bumped into someone in my daughter’s swimming lesson and he said “I like your hair” and I said “oh thankyou” and he said “well it’s better than no hair anyway” !! The cheek of it did actually make me laugh.
As you say nixxic, to hell with everyone else!
Thanks for making me feel brighter
Sinead x