After all the BC rubbish and then treatment for an over-active thyroid, I’ve now developed Depression and the GP put me on happy pills last week.
The biggest problem is work. I’ve exhausted sick pay and worse, they have us over an emotional barrel. I know that there is no cover for my classes (I teach part-time in an FE College, off today) and if I take time off the classes will be cancelled for at least a couple of weeks before they give in and try to find a temp. In the meantime, where possible, my colleagues will have to take up the slack, loose prep and marking time and not get any extra pay.
If I had an office job I feel I could just about cope as long as it didn’t involve speaking to too many people. I cannot carry on fobbing the students off with constant written work and no interaction. I just can’t stand speaking at all. I don’t want to speak to anyone or even talk to my friends and family. I would join the Trappists right now.
I started Prozac last Wednesday and know that it takes a few weeks to work.
Now I’m not even sure what advice I’m asking for, but it feels better to have written down the truth to people who understand and don’t judge.
Have to stop - can’t type and cry.
Alloway,
If I gave you a cyber hug, you’d probably cry again, so I won’t.
You have to stop thinking about everybody else. Your priority just now has to be you. Everybody will cope without you for a while. Once the antidepressants work you’ll feel more able to cope I hope. There are antidepressants that work much quicker (but they cost more) - perhaps your GP would be sympathetic to changing your medication?
It’s not at all surprising you are getting depressed after all you’ve been through. We can only be strong for so long.
I suppose you know cancer is regarded as a disability for the purposes of Disability Discrimination in the workplace, and you should get a lot of support from your work instead of a hard time. Incidentally, clinical depression (for a period of over 12 months) is also a disability. You can probably claim ESA (they’ve stopped incapacity benefit) in the meantime until you are back to work.
You just take care, look after yourself and put yourself first for a change.
You’ll get there
Sue xxx
There is a difference between being actually registered as ‘disabled’ and being covered under the Disability Discrimination Act which ensures that you are not discriminated against at work, housing, etc.
Everyone who has a diagnosis of cancer, HIV/Aids and MS are now covered under the DDA Act but not everyone is registered as ‘disabled’
Just be kind to yourself and once the happy pills kick in you will be much more able to cope. My son was put on them last year as he developed depression after a friend’s son was knifed to death and I was diagnoised with bc. After a couple of weeks he was like his old self. Depression is awful and if anyone tells you to pull youself together tell them to take a long walk off a short pier. Sending you all my best wishes.xxx
Pinkdove,
I’m sorry. I most certainly never meant to convey the impression anybody with cancer is disabled, merely that the condition is regarded as a disability - as is diabetes, MS and many other potentially chronic conditions, as you mentioned.
Spoke to my boss today and I’m going to take 2 weeks off to let the drugs kick in and get sorted to some extent. Going in tomorrow to leave work for the 2 weeks’ classes - feel better that they’re not going to be abandoned. For myself, I feel relief - talking is such an effort and an ordeal and I’m glad I don’t have to put myself through it for a little while. I don’t even want to talk to my friends as I end up crying.
The Breast nurse has organised counselling and I’ll definitely do it, even though it will be painful.
As usual, you dear ladies come up trumps in a crisis. Thank you all so much.
Well done Alloway. All the best to you as you go through counselling.
Sue xx
Hi Alloway,
I’ve been on Prozac for the past 4 weeks and now feeling much stronger. (Diagnosed March 07, primary and liver secondary, WLE and chemo last year, now on Herceptin and Tamoxifen). I am so glad you have created yourself a bit of breathing space - that is just the right thing to have done. As others have said, you have to look after yourself, and what the college does or doesn’t put in place isn’t your responsibility. If the students have any complaints then it is the college they must address them to.
In the meantime, be gentle on yourself - I found I went through a sequence of unusual effects as the tablets settled down, including feeling drugged, headaches, and laughing just a bit too much for a couple of days!
I’ve been for a counselling assessment, but unfortunately it was on one of my giggly days so I’m not sure i gave a true picture of my depression! Now I’m on a waiting list of up to 12 weeks…ridiculous.
Try to take it easy while you are off, and arrange a few treats. Do you have any gentle friends who are free during the day who you could meet up with? or just snuggle in the warm with a good book and some nice things to eat.
Big hugs to you
love Jacquie xx