Need some encouragement

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Hi

After my initial diagnosis of Stage 1 invasive breast cancer, I was told yesterday that it now also in my lymph nodes and my tumour has ‘spikes’ coming out of it making it harder to deal with as they had planned. Now Stage 2 I’m assuming.

I was initially going to have a course of chemo followed by lumpectomy but will now be having a full on mastectomy in 2wks followed by chemo and then rads.

It just feels like the bad news keeps coming and coming and will never end. I’m only 29 with no family history, have 2 kids under the age of 3 and I just feel so cr*p.

Can anyone help to make me feel a bit happier? I’m trying so hard to see the positive things but then it all hits me again how rubbish this all is.

Thanks

Jen x

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Hi Jen,

am so sorry that your news has not been good & i can only imagine how tough this must be on you being so young with a young family.

I know there are many ladies on here that like you have had treatment plans changed & have gone from lumpectomy to masectomy etc as many have had there grading changed, i myself went from 2 to 3.

Am sending you a hug & am sure someone will be along soon who has experienced similar to you & will be able to offer you words of encouragement.

Much Love

Sarah.xxx

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Hi Jen,

I doubt that at this point anyone can really make you feel any happier about the situation you have found yourself in, but please know that you are not alone.
As Sarah said it is unfortunately not uncommon for us to find that our diagnosis and treatment plans change. I am much older than you and at a time in my life when it is easier to deal with (my kids are adults) so am not comparing, but like you I expected a lumpectomy (which all went well) and chemo, which soon was followed by mastectomy and rads too and 6 months of treatment became a year etc.
You will be amazed where you will find reserves to get through this. There is no denying it’s crap, but you will cope and you will meet some wonderful people, and find out that there is lots of support out there for you and the year will pass much faster than you expect.
Sorry that it is so rotten now. Good luck.

Jacqui

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Hi Jen

I think you might be getting STAGE and GRADE mixed up, it’s easy to do at the beginning when trying to get your head around all the terminology.

GRADE is a measure of how aggressive the tumour is, STAGE is a measure of how far it’s got.

When first diagnosed (after a core biopsy perhaps?) they’re not usually in a position to give you STAGE, so it sounds like you’ve been told GRADE 1.

THAT’S YOUR FIRST BIT OF GOOD NEWS. Grade 1 tends to be less aggressive and slower growing than 2 or 3, and I believe there is a lower tendency of recurrences etc with grade 1. You can read more about grading and staging in some of the excellent publications on this site. (Go to Home and click on Publications, you can look just at the recently diagnosed section or see a full list - I’m working my way through them because I’m a bit anal like that!)

YOUR SECOND BIT OF GOOD NEWS is that you have found it. It could have been a lot worse if you hadn’t discovered it for another year, so although it’s completely crap to be here, better to be here now than a year later.

I’ve had a WLE and SNB, but with unclear margins, so had a re-excision (yesterday). So depending on those results there is still the possibility of a mastectomy for me too. Also in the queue for chemo, herceptin, rads and tamoxifen. But I honestly believe this is something I’ll manage, with appropriate support. I’ve already started getting my support network in place, and have had offers of help from lots of people. Just phoned a friend to ask for a lift, and she was delighted to say yes.

YOUR THIRD BIT OF GOOD NEWS is that you have found this site. You will get lots and lots of support from people who have been in better and worse places than you, who are further down the line or just joining in, and you couldn’t find a more supportive place if you hunted the whole of the internet.

I’m very sorry to say welcome, but welcome anyway, and have a hug, along with three bits of good news.

CM
x

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H jen
So sorry to hear your news. Im another youngie, diagnosed a year ago today aged 32 with no family history and an 8month old baby.
Have you had further scans that hae revealed the lymph node involvement etc, or some biopsies? It must be hard to think things are at an earlier stage, only to learn later that things are worse. The thought of a mastectomy at a young age is a nightmare but I actually wanted the whole breast off as I would have always thought something was left. My tumour was quite big (39mm) but my breasts were too so I was offered a WLE but declined. I have met lots of other ladies though who would have done anything to save the breast. I was honestly more upset about losing my lovely long hair.
Have they offered you a reconstruction at the same time as your mx op? You will find this helps loads and you will be wearing your normal clothes in no time.
Have they told you what grade the cancer is, or whether its hormone receptive etc (ie. will you be needing tamoxifen or herceptin after treatment?). There is so much to ask and learn at this stage in your journey and its terrifying especially with a young family but just do everything you can- accept every treatment they offer as well as support from family and friends.
All the best
Tina xx
P.S try to resist reading horror stories on here and on google etc. Honestly you will be petrified- just remember that the vast majority of bc sufferers make a full recovery :slight_smile:

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HI Jen
Just to echo tina - the majority by far make a full recovery, I was stage 2 grade 3 and am fine 7 years later. Be careful about googling etc, those on the forum are not necessarily representative as it tends to be people with problems who join, and those who recover tend to drift off from the forum and only a few post their ‘fully recovered’ stories.
best of luck with and keep posting
Sarah

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Hi

Thanks for all your support.

Tina - I had core biopsy, ultrasound and mammogram initially. Then I had SNB followed by MRI scan of breasts. Apparently mine is hormone positive but don’t know about HER2 yet, onc couldn’t remember when I saw him yest!
I have been offered recon at same time as surgery but apparently rads can shrink it and make it hard so more surgery would be needed after anyway. Really don’t know what to do!
And how are you a year on?

Jen x

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I think Sarah’s point is very important. Many people (the majority ) who are doing really well, no longer post because they are getting on with their lives and putting BC behind them.

Inveitably you will see most posts from people who are still having active treatment or having probs with their long-term drugs etc …or those (the minority) who have secondaries- so this does tend to distort the views you see on this site.

Good luck with your treatment- you will receive plenty of support here I’m sure

Topsymo (3 years on from Grade, Stage 3 diagnosis and doing GOOD!)

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hi

I have invasive lobular and when initially diagnosed i was told: Mx then chemo then rads then recon then Tam. I was then given more scans: MRI, CT, Bone and Heart before anything started.

During this time I had a think and when returning asked if it was possible to have the chemo 1st. My reasoning was that as a ‘healthy’ (apart from a bit of cancer) youngish woman (41) I was in the best position, both mentally and physically, to cope with the effects of chemo. Whereas, doing it the way they suggested would knock me both mentally and physically BEFORE i’d even done the chemo. They looked into it, checked with Onc and agreed.

The point I’m trying to make is that part of the problem for us all is at times feeling out of control and in the hands of others, so maybe you can think about which way you want to do this and see if it’s possible, that way you feel more in control.

I agree with those saying about the postings on this site. Over 100 women are diagnosed EVERYDAY with BC, yet the most that i’ve ever seen on this site at the same time is 25. I tend to write when i need info or help! (although the thread ‘dark woods’ tends to be my home).

However, just to balance the books and give you a glimmer of hope: Today is day 18 FEC1, i went to London for the weekend and this week have been shopping, seen friends, cooked and been Mum - fabulously normal stuff with no side-effects in sight.

Best wishes. Chin up. See you in the woods.
x

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Hi Jen
I was diagnosed 6yrs ago with a grade 3 BC I had chemo,Mx with ld recon, rads and tam. It was tough but I got through it and am still here to tell the tail.
I understand how you feel and it is normal to feel this way
take care big hugs
Louise xxx

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norberte, not going in the upbeat and just for fun threads? No?! Those threads have been my lifeline, and I’ve even started a couple of them, so that I can squeeze every bit of positive out of the lovely people on this site.

Things children say - completely hilarious most of them, and many are extremely thought-provoking. Our children (and the occasional granny and aunt) come out with some profound truths about life and help to anchor us in what REALLY matters.

Dark, dark woods - definitely home. The clearing is looking a bit untidy at the moment and I wouldn’t be surprised if someone organises a community service order group for those posters who’ve been particularly naughty.

What made me happy today - love that thread. The tiny triumphs of each day are what get us through from morning to night.

Sick to the back teeth of… - more small stuff, and some pretty massive stuff too, but a great place to vent one’s spleen particularly if you just want to vent and not start a whole new thread about something you just want to SCREAM about in order to get rid of it.

Those are some of my favourites, anyhow. But I do read most threads, because I’m a saddo with OCD about BCC forums.

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Hi Jen
I just read through your post and the support and advice youve already been given. I am 31 with two kids…three if you count the husband. A little girl who was 5 yesterday and a little boy who is three. I had my MX on the 15th December, so im just about recovered phyiscally still taking the pain killers tho to help me through the day, rest with two kids as you’ll know aint that simple… but my kids are the one thing that has made me smile through out this whole thing…(along with alittle black humour from friends i asked to ‘carry on and say it…’ if they thought it)

You asked for help to make you feel better and writing on here is a great place to share you feeling with people who understand and get you. But I truely feel the main thing that will give you strength and make you smile the most will be your kids. Don’t get me wrong there will be days when you will just want to cry…so cry but there will be days when you will smile…if you allow yourself to be sad then i found you do have happier days, i’m not sure if ive made sense there but i hope you will ‘get’ what im trying to say.

Two kids under three isn’t an easy time without the added pressure of Cancer, but i must say my three year old has taken my surgery in his stride. He understood mummy had a poorly booby and the doctors ‘cut it off’ to make me better. He still comes for a cuddle but is gentle and always asks which is my sore side and then has a squezze of my good boob…typical man. That always makes me smile.

Your in the limbo bit now you know whats gotta happen it just waiting for it to start which can drive you crazy, keep talking and keep using this forum we are all in it together. My virtual ear is always here.

Take Care
Jo xxx