Hi Girls, after the diagnosis that I had cancer, we went back on monday and he said it looked like a grade 3, he took more biopsies of the lymph nodes as they didnt get enough tissues but what they did get didn’t appear to have cancer in them. So supposedly they want to prove its not in there, I dont really get that bit. Anyway, mastectomy is the 5th April, day surgery or 1 overnight!!! We have to go back this coming monday about these lymph nodes, he said he could do the op tomorrow but it could be the wrong op and he needs to gather information.
I have the BCN coming tomorrow, I just feel completely overwhelmed taht I am 36 and this is happening. I asked him if I was going to be ok and he said he couldnt tell me, but I knwo taht doctors dont guarantee anything. On Monday we told my girls, 13 and 11, they were devestated but I stayed really strong for them and was very positive. I am going to fight this and one minute I am feeling strong and positive, the next in tears and absolutely terrified. I have spoken to an old friend who lives where I used to live who had the same 2 years ago, it was a slog but she did it, thank god. Please help me get my head straight, I am worrying over absolutely everything and my body feels absolutely frozen and aching with fear.
I went to see my Gp yesterday, he prescribed me mild diazepam but I didnt take it as my husband is working away and I have no family to count on. Just as well I never took it as my youngest woke up with pains all over her body and really sick, she was burning with a fever and I thought i was going to have to drive her to the hospital at 3 in the morning. I took her into my bed and she is still sleeping, that set me off as then I thought what if I’m not here to do this??? Am I normal??? I know I am an anxiuos person but it has been a whole week now and I am no further along. I am terrified of every obstacle.
Weelaura,
What you are experiencing is completely normal. One moment you are positive and the next you cannot get your head around what has happened and are reeling with the shock. Once you have the info on the lymph nodes and you have your treatment plan in place things do become easier to deal with. While you are still waiting for results things are tough because you have so many unanswered questions.
As an aside, I was DX with grade 3 BC this time last year. I have finished all my treatment (still taking tablets, though) and feeling better with each passing day a year later. Last November, my sister celebrated 5 years since she was DX with a grade 3 tumour with lymph node involvement. She is living life to the full and enjoying every moment.
Hi weelauradoll
I was diagnosed in dec mine was grade 3 aswell no gland involvment im 37 years old and got 2 children 11 and 10 i cried for 2 weeks at first but trust me it get easier everyday ive just had second op and waiting for date to start chemo i think the more positive you can be the more we will get through this
lots of love tracy xx
Thank you Tracy and Cherry, there is hope I know that, just want to get in control of the old emotions. It is so weird I am a serial dieter and have struggled with weight all my life, this thing comes along and bang, i can’t eat!!! Literally dropping off now, but i know I have to eat to stay strong. You have all been or are going through it and I should take a leaf out of your books. Think the surgeon and BCN think I am a bit over dramatic. He said that he is no psychiatrist but he could see I suffer from anxiety.
The doctor who has done all my biopsies said taht only a couple looked raised so surely that is a good sign???
Hi ther-I’ve been reading your posts and just wanted to say I know where you are coming form. I was diagnosed in September 2011 with a grade 3 tumour no lymph node involvement and am Her2positive.
I have just completed chemo and will be starting rads next week, then I start herceptin for 1 yr in APRIL. I am non hormone responsive so aftet the herceptin thats it - no tamoxifen etc for me.
I too worry constantly and suffer anxiety problems for many years and feel “why me”-however, this website will be your lifeline. I have and still do keep in touch with people who have sent me messages and to be quite honest they have been a Godsend to me.
I am married with a 13 yr ol son with Aspergers Syndrome so I too cry with worry and frustration at the whole situation.
Your feelings are totally NORMAL-one day Im up the next Im down-so what you are experiencing is totally NORMAL.
I was lucky enough to meet a girl in my area who had the same diagnosis as me and now 5 and a ahlf years later she is doing fantastically well and is such an inspiration to me-she only lives 10 mins away from me so I bet there are other ladies who are near to you but you hav’ent met them yet.
When I first posted here, I got 16 private messages sent to me-all giving me support, I really got strength from these and I just wanted to say that you too WILL get the strength to deal with all of this. The treatments are needed and you will get through them-you sound very similiar to me in that you suffer anxieity etc but you are stronger than you think-you can adn WILL get through this.
Please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing.
Use councellors etc if you need them, it all helps.
Hi. Just wanted to say that what you are experiencing is perfectly normal and you will probably find your emotions very up and down as you struggle with what is after all a massive shock to your system. I was diagnosed in Nov 2009 with triple negative BC with two lymph nodes involved. They were initially very uncertain about my diagnosis and I spent agonising weeks waiting for results and having numerous tests. In the end I had a partial mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiotherapy. I was thought to be ‘unusually anxious’ by my Onconologist so at the end of my chemo I changed to somebody more sympathethic. I think the problem is some people are able to put on a very positive face when in the consulting room so they think they are coping but it is probably not the case. You will get through this time and as you get more information and understand as much as you can about your own diagnosis you will fee more in control and much calmer. I did take mild diazepam through the early days and it really did help take the edge off everything. Perhaps you could try taking it when somebody is around to keep an eye on the children. Wishing you all the best.
Hi weelaura
I was dx with grade 3 ILC on 21st feb, I had 2 fna’s to establish node involvement and both came back inconclusive, when I had the op WLE the surgeon did a snb ( node biopsy ) and 3 of 20 nodes were affected and removed during surgery, so your surgeon will probably want to be sure of what hes up against if possible before your op, Its all scarey stuff i was like you positive and full of hope one min and a blubbering wreck the next, this is all totally normal… Once you have had your op your surgeon will explain everything on your post op meeting, treatment etc, I start chemo next week and its a long road ahead but its a road we all travel in different ways, focus on the good things as much as poss and when those niggly doubts crop up and you are down remember we are here for you… come on and have a rant
Girls you are all my inspiraion, and seem so positive. For years I have worried about dying and leaving my kids and now its a real risk. What if all the nodes are affected would they still try to treat me??? I suppose I need to take one day at a time. Think I am going to take a diazepam now, got my youngest upstairs still in bed, but think it will take the edge off. So sorry for moaning Girls, I am actually an upbeat person who happens to have anxiety issues. However this bloody thing knocks you for six and just feels so desperate and hopless. Enough moaning from me now, i am going to pull myself together AND stop doing my own head in. My BCN who is coming tomorrow has worked out that I am not coping, she works in a team of three, the poor bugger must be thinking she has drawn the short straw getting me!!!Thanks for all your positive support Girls, I will soon be in a place to support and be positive for all of us, it’s just is not happening today.
Maybe I can switch Tv on, eat a meal, stop thinking about dying just for aN afternoon, it would be such a relief. Even My gorgeous Angus (My golden Retriever) is looking fed up with me!!!
In addition to the support here it may help to talk things
through with one of our helpliners.
The lines are open 9-5 during the week
and 9-2 Sat on 0808 800 6000.
Thanks for that Lucy. Have been on the phone to your fantastic helpline, but don’t want to monopolise the service. Have found it so much more helpful than the hospital etc. I feel I have just been left to get on with it but I suppose that is normal xxx
So sorry you’ve found yourself here. This is a horrible time, knowing you’ve got cancer, not knowing exactly what the treatment plan will be - in limbo.
Your advice to yourself is good - take it one day at a time and don’t get ahead of yourself. And, in answer to your question, yes - they’ll still treat you even if all your nodes are affected and even if it’s gone beyond that. BUT - you’ll drive yourself mad with the ‘what ifs’. Take a deep breath (keep taking deep breaths) and deal with what you know, not what you don’t.
Mind whirring? Put it to good use making plans for when you are in hospital and your recovery afterwards - easy meals in the freezer, getting your support network up and running, etc.
If it’s any comfort, I had a grade 3 tumour and an ultrasound showed enlarged nodes. They didn’t do any node biopsies, went straight for a complete clearance at the same time as my mx. Guess what? - to everyone’s surprise, not a single node was affected. Even with that, I went on to have chemo and rads. None of it is pleasant, at the start it is frightening, but it is doable (I managed to work for a lot of the time while I was having treatment) and it will pass,
Oh D, Thanks for that maybe I am not such a nutter after all. I get the results back of the nodes monday. Everything has been so crap so far that nothing would suprise me, although they said only a couple looked raised. It is so encouraging to see so many women here winning against this crap, i just feel like my world stopped a week ago. Your advice is so good about preparing for the operation, I am not worrying about no boob, I just want it gone and I want to be here for my hubby and of course my daughters. One day at a time, but my god, the days are so long!!! Thanks you for your kind words D,
Hiya Laura I have to go into hopital on the 4th to have a lumpectomy on the 5th. Noticed you are living in south wales is it Neville Hall Hospital that you are being treated at?
Hiya Laura - pm’d you as well but before i read this!!
Mine was garde 3 too - and one of my nodes looked “thickened” (sounded scary!!) but i had no lymph node involvement and only the sentinel node removed!
God bless you Laura,
I know exactly how you are feeling.
I have just been diagnosed and i am 33. now they have found another lump in the same breast so it looks like i will be getting my breast removed. 3 of my lymph nodes are prominent.
i am trying to be strong and positive but right now my partner is in a different country and we are finding it hard to get a visa for him to come over even though we have been together for nearly 4 years, i am finding it hard, i need him to be here to support me.
i am getting very bad headaches and i am freaking out that it could have spread. i know i need to stay calm but you know as well as me how hard this is.
i just wanted to say that we will get through this and we have our lifes to look forward to and this will make us stronger.
take care and look forward to hearing your positive news.
Hi Laura,
It does sound like you’ve been left hanging out there!
I have had amazing support from ‘The Vicky’ even to the extent that my surgeon sent me a lovely personal letter to confirm right side Lymph nodes clear followingSentinel node biopsy. I have 2 breast care nurses i can phone anytime & now i am started on chemo i can call the clinic anytime for advice.
I have cancer in 2 lymph nodes on left side as wel as invasive in left & non invasive in right. Like you I have been scheduled for a masectomy, but I am having chemo first - over 6 months, then radiotherapy. (so far felt great)Please please please do not think of this as a death sentence. Yes, the treatment is horrific & will leave us scarred physically & mentally but we are still here to fight the good fight!Positive thoughts coming your way:)
PS I live in Kingspark/Bankhead area, not so far from Merrylee, big sis is just at Newlands!