Having a real ‘down’ day today…does anyone else find that reading other posts can sometimes add to the feeling of fear?
I am so sick and tired of BC already and I am only at the beginning of this challenge. I just want to feel well and to stop having to think about it all the time…I want the impossible, I want life to return to normal and I know it never will, because that feeling of safety has gone now.
I am usually quite good at just getting on with things, but I don’t want to have to…I am fed up of feeling sore and tired all the time, I am fed up of not knowing how to feel, I am fed up of having to think about treatment plans and when I have to go back to work. I am just thoroughly fed up today!
Sorry for ranting, but just needed to let some of this out…
Feel free to rant! We all have down days and long for ‘normal’ but nothing will be exactly the same but there will be a ‘NEW NORMAL’. I’m two years post-surgery and eighteen months post-treatment. I’m still taking Tamoxifen. There are days when I can think of nothing else and wonder about every twinge and then I give myself a good talking to! (lol) This is why sites like this are so valuable - we can rant to people who understand exactly how you’re feeling.
hippychick - We all know just how you are feeling. This is the place to let it all out. I was diagnosed last August and had WLE/SNB in September and radiotherapy in Dec/Jan. With the better weather, I am now starting to pick up. Yes, it is still on my mind every day but not every minute of every day, as it was at the start. I do still have ups and downs, like everyone else, but not so many now.
Be careful not to read posts which are not relevant to you, as they may never be. It is truly scary reading about people who are worse off than you and gives a biased view. I imagine that most of the people who finished treatment years ago are getting on with their lives and are not posting on here.
Take one day at a time and come on here for a rant when you are feeling down.
You have to take this one day at a time and some days one hour at a time. You will have ups and downs and you will get through it. I’m a few weeks ahead of you, but time has passed quickly and you’ll soon be through the treatment and then you can rest and recover. Go easy on yourself and don’t worry about anyone else.
I so know what you mean - last week I was down and had a shit time. Today the sun is shinning and I’m feeling good. It’s a bloody rollercoaster. Sometimes I come on the forum and feel the same as you other times I go onto the lighter funny threads and cry with laughter! The ‘on a brighter note’ threat is hillarious.
Hope you feeling better soon and we are all here and there is nothing like a rant to people who are sharing your journey.
Hi Hippychick
Hang on in there. I know how you are feeling. I feel as if the last 5 weeks have been like a rollercoaster. Two operations in 3 weeks and waiting for test results on Friday.
Hope your mood lifts and you feel a bit better.
Hugs and kisses
Weeannie
Thanks for all the hugs guys, they were really needed…Still feeling a bit flat (wondering if TAMOXIFEN might be to blame?) or maybe it’s just where I am. But you’ve helped to get me through the day.x
Ann(04), you’re right, I don’t deliberately look at posts that aren’t relevant, sometimes I get onto one thread and it turns into something else…doesn’t help me at the moment though.
Maybe I should just stay in Newly Diagnosed and not go looking in treatment threads.
Thanks Anne also, had a look on the ‘brighter note’ thread and it did make me giggle (especially the changing room incident!) I ended up going and getting dressed (yes it’s been one of those days) doing my hair and putting on a bit of make-up…still look like I haven’t slept in weeks, but feel a bit better.
So much for feeling better! Friend was supposed to be coming tomorrow night (first adult company this week) and has just phoned to say she can’t come now cos she’s got a throat infection…she sounds rough too. But I really need someone to talk to and was looking forward to having her here…feeling so low today, I hate feeling like this!
Hi
Had to add to this. I know how you are feeling been there twice but…yes it does get better. Gosh never thought i would hear myself say that. It is always in the back of your mind but for me it is not the first thing i think about when i get up in the morning or when i get a pain, ache or lump or bump. Been clear for 3 years this time and life is looking up. Have a rant a rave…it is OK to feel down but you will get through it with the fab people that are on this site. Good luck on your journey .
Hugs XXXXXX
hippychick - Perhaps you could ring round your friends for a chat on the phone. I know it’s not the same as a visit but it could help. Alternatively, you could always ring the helpline here if you need someone to talk to.
If it is sunny where you are, it may help to get outside for a bit. Hope you feel better soon.
Feeling better today. Took your advice Ann and got myself out for a couple of hours, been for a walk and a mooch around the charity shops…has really given me a lift! (Thankyou)
I have decided to go into Uni on Friday as I think I have got too much time on my hands…
Thanks for your positive message lupin, it’s good to know that I won’t always feel like this.
just had to add to your thread as i know exactly what you mean about threads turning scary part way through and once you have read something it locks into your mind and can’t be un-read. For me its like i am on a very tentative even keel and even the remotest thing can knock me off course. I only come on here when i am feeling strong usually ( though sometimes am sadistic and look at scary things when i am already down which is totally self defeating but i feel compelled to do it, odd)
I agree that its the people who are either still in treatment or suffering ongoing problems who make up most of this site and we are the ones who are scared out of our minds, and i am always grateful when somebody who has gone through this stage and is getting on with their life posts an encouraging entry. Hope you have had more up days since your last post, be kind to yourself
HI HIPPYCHICK - SO HOPE YOU ARE FEELING BETTER WITH THE SPRING WEATHER FINALY BREAKING THROUGH. WE ALL HAVE ‘THOSE DAYS’ AND YOU WILL FIND AS OTHERS HAVE SAID THAT THINGS DO IMPROVE BUT OH SO SLOWLY. HOWEVER MY DARLING YOU WILL GET THERE. I AM REALLY SELECTIVE OVER WHAT I READ AND MY OH OFTEN SAYS HE KNOWS WHEN I HAVE BEEN OON THE SITE AS ‘MY MOOD CHANGES’. CANNOT SEE IT MYSELF BUT HEY HO! I STAY AWAY FROM THE SITES I KNOW WILL DEPRESS OR SCARE ME AS I’M STILL TAKING IT ONE DAY AT A TIME (DIAGNOSED SEPT.09). ALSO I’M REALLY SELECTIVE OVER WHAT I READ IN THE PAPERS SO JUST TRY AND SWITCH OFF AT THESE TIMES HARD I KNOW. THERE ARE LOADS OF GIRLS ON THIS SITE WHO HAVE BEEN DIAGNOSED FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND ARE REAL SUCCESS STORIES I HOLD THEM IN MY MIND WHEN I FEEL ABIT DOWN.
RANT AWAY AT THE UNFAIRNESS OF IT ALL - WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU AT ANYTIME.
Thank you both so much for your encouraging words. I have to admit I haven’t been on here as often just lately, I wasn’t doing myself any favours. But today at least I am feeling more positive, I think the sunshine helps!
I’ve now started RADs and have another 11 treatments to go, also have an infection in the breast which is painful, but hopefully will clear up soon with anitibiotics.
I think this is a really great site, as all the people here are amazing and supportive. It is good to hear from people who have come out the other side, something we are all working towards.
I completely agree with what you are saying about things being scarey. I’ve frightened myself many times with posts so am now selective about what I read; once the seed is sown in your brain it cant be removed. I’m at the rads stage now and have every reason to be positive. My journey has been remarkably straightforward but I still get scared.
Hope you are still on an ‘up’. Julia has basically said exactly what I would have said. Hope all is going well with Rads and the sun continues to shine for us all.
The changing room incident on ‘On a brighter note’ forum may be the one I wrote about - if it was I’m glad it made you smile:) (I haven’t been back into the shop again yet - too embarrassed too)
Hi Leigh, yes I think it was your ‘changing room’ incident, sorry, but it was the funniest thing ever! Still makes me smile…
Van…I don’t really know all the technical stuff about Rads, just that it kills off those nasty cancer cells…I think the leaflet Lucy suggested is quite helpful with all the details. It’s painless and if you can bear the indignity of getting your baps out for whoever is on duty that day, then it is fairly straightforward…just a bit tedious driving 50 mile round trip each day…and starting to be very tiring and I’m only 6 days in! Nice to have a weekend off though and enjoy the sunshine.
Still feeling positive, although putting on weight at a rate of knots, which I am putting down to the Tamoxifen, but it could be all the comfort food i’m eating!!!