New and waaaaiiiittttiiiinnnnggg (oh man, the waiting!)

Hi everyone!

Thought I’d pop in and introduce myself - as I’ve got a feeling I’m going to be loitering around these 'ere parts for a little while to come! I’m Beth, 37, and got my diagnosis of Invasive Lobular Carcinoma about 2 weeks ago. That was from the preliminary ultrasound and biopsy . . . special story there - the lump I was worried about wasn’t anything - they found this blighter by accident about 2 inches higher!! Anyway, thank heavens for that lovely radiographer (is that the word? so many new words!) As a preliminary, they’ve said 9mm Grade 2 - but because of the nature of lobular, I’m waiting on an MRI on Monday and they whizzed me into mammograms last week - because there could be more. And so . . . I wait. And you guys know about the waiting, right?!

So far, I know it’s ER+ and (after a call the the BCN because in the meeting one of them had one thing and the other had the opposite written down) it’s HER2 neg. So - surgery of some sort is a definite and so is the hormone thingymajig (I’m guessing Tamoxifen because of my age).

Anyway - MRI Monday and then the big planning jobby on Wednesday.

I’ve gone through calm, angry, confused and scared. I lost my mum to BC in 2018 so I’m having to work hard not to keep going to worst-case-scenarios in my head. I nursed her for her last 2 weeks, and it’s all still pretty raw. And now I’m waiting. (Can you tell I’m a bit… impatient?!) I’m a full time writer, and this looming thing has been playing havoc with my focus and happy ever afters. Huh - maybe I’ll have to swap genres to thrillers for a while. At least that way I’d be able to write in every single person who has so told me that “this will be a breeze because you’re so young and healthy” after I told them what’s happening.

Okay, no more ranting. I’m done. Honest!

Anyway - I’m sending love and hellos to all of you.

Beth x

Hey Beth - lovely to meet you, even though I’m really sorry it’s through such rubbish circumstances! It’s an amazingly lovely place/people here, but still, none of us exactly want to be here!

The waiting really is so hard on the nerves. I hope you can calm those worst case scenario thoughts, they are awful. Mine hit at 3am in the morning, mostly. Things look better in the morning, and after enough sleep, so try to keep taking care of yourself as best you can on the food and exercise and rest.

Also totally know what you mean about the “young and healthy” comments. I told my surgeon he was only saying that 'cos he’s only a year or so older than me  

Very impressed at the writerly-ness. I’ve gotten as far as NaNoWriMo, not quite the publishable level of quality but love it. Such a great outlet for all the fears and woes and everything. I’d encourage a lot of journalling, and writing anything that you want - escape into fantasy, or yeah, kill off all those frustrations!

Glad you’ve found the community here, and hope everything goes smoothly for you xx

I’m waiting for mri & ct scan apps I hate the waiting!! How are you doing now? x