#alphawhiskey35… I’ve had a couple of difficult times this week, including last night… it takes me by surprise because i think I’m doing OK and then something will trigger me and i find myself in a dark place … it’s that rollercoaster of emotions…
I know people talk about positive thinking being the way forward but I feel a little differently…
If I focused on thinking positively all the time, I’d be lying to myself… stuffing really difficult emotions deep down inside, just for them to come out on other ways… like irritability or physical pain… Instead, i am accepting of the fact that sometimes I’ll feel okay and sometimes I’ll feel horrible… I don’t want to feel horrible but I accept it is what it is and is all part of the process…
When I feel in that dark place, I try to acknowledge the thoughts and feelings and just let them be for a bit without letting them spiral into something even deeper (then, when I’m ready, I let them go and turn my attention to something else)… not spiralling is my biggest challenge and one I’m always working on… sometimes I’m successful with it, other times (like last night) less successful but, that’s OK, I’m better than I once was… it’s progress.
I guess what I’m saying is I try to be kind to myself… to allow myself to feel whatever i feel…to show the same understanding to myself that I’d show to others on here (of course, it’s always so much harder with ourselves)…
As for Christmas, i don’t know about anyone else but I know i have to lower my expectations a little… i feel it would be unrealistic for me to expect Christmas to be exactly how it normally is when I’m on this unpredictable rollercoaster but i think there can still be magic or peace (or whatever we look for in this season) in the little moments! I hope you all find this too!x
Hi Triah and all you other ladies hope you all had as nice a Xmas as possible
I agree Triah I now let my self sit with it and then I have to let it go and move on
I am now 2 weeks post lumpectomy and node biopsy grade 3 tumour 1.7 awaiting an onco type dx score to see the benefit of chemo followed by radiation and hormone therapy hope you are all well x
Hi @alphawhiskey35 … I did manage to have a good Christmas (I rang one of the cancer helplines a few days before Christmas, offloaded all my concerns and then felt I was able to ‘park it all’ and throw myself into the festivities). Bit of a rude awakening after Christmas when my histology results finally came back…that opened a whole new ‘can of worms’ for me! Since then, I’ve had a single mastectomy at my request. There were a number of reasons for this and I put a lot of thought into it - It felt like the best way forward for me personally. That was a week and a half ago and I’m recovering well. I didn’t have immediate reconstruction but will consider if this is something I want at a later date. Now, I’m back to waiting for histology results again which I am refusing to think about, I just can’t. I’ll face that day when it comes and not a minute before. Keep us posted on how you get on with your treatments @alphawhiskey35 and everyone else who still sees this thread.
Hi @alphawhiskey35 and everyone else in the thread. I hope you are all doing as well as can be expected going through treatment. I’m still recovering from my mastectomy and I had a nightmare getting my results back, which put me through hell once again! Much as I tried not to think about it, I’d had a lymph node tracer inserted which was waiting on histology results to see if they needed to be removed (it lasts 30 days). My results appointment just kept getting delayed…Utter torture that I still haven’t processed! Eventually, I was given the good news that they didn’t need to go back in for the lymph nodes and I have my appointment to discuss the results more fully next week. Still waiting on BRCA testing. Emotionally, I feel like a wrung out old rag! How about you? How is your treatment going?
Omg ! The wait right ? It’s horrendous!
I did get my result for braca and was negative thank goodness !
I am currently awaiting a onco score test after results of surgery showed the tumour was grade 3 but no lymph node involvement
I also had a cat scan after persistent shoulder pain and get the results of this tomorrow after a months wait
I can’t skip radiation as the tumour was 0.5 from the chest wall
Of course I would love to skip chemo I mean who wouldn’t ? But because of my age and tumour grade they said it can score high and I need a score of under 20 to forgo it
Have you not started treatment then Triah ?
Hi @alphawhiskey35. Glad to hear about your BRCA results and that there was no lymph node involvement from your surgery.
I have an appointment soon to discuss the results of my surgery. I was due to have radiotherapy after lumpectomy, but now I’ve had a mastectomy, I don’t think I have to have that anymore.
I hope you get good news tomorrow about your shoulder.