New BF

Hi, i’m new to discussion forums so forgive me if I don’t use the right terminology!?!  

I was diagnosed with bc last week; it’s very early, very small, and very treatable. So I’m a very lucky girl!  However, I recently started dating a really great guy; he’s been brilliant with all of this and very supportive. But I want to know how to support him. We’ve only been dating 7 weeks (not that I’m counting) so we’re still finding out about each other, but find ourselves dealing with some big topics too. Does anyone have any similar experiences to share?  

i dont, sorry, but just wanted to say hi and let you know there are many of us younger women here and i am sure someone will know a bit that will help you. I am 36, married with 2 small boys and was diagnosed in march. Have had lumpectomy, chemotherapy and starting radiotherapy on friday. If you have any questions this is a great place to ask them, and also a fabulous place to get support. Sorry you find yourself here,


Hi Cupcake Clare,

Welcome to the BCC Discussion forums, you’ve come to the right place for some good support.

I have put for you below the link to one of BCC’s publications which you may find helpful.

In it together:*/changeTemplate/PublicationDisplay/publicationId/15/

Take care,
Jo, Facilitator

Hi Clare
Sorry you find yourself here, and so early on in a new relationship too. That must be difficult.

I haven’t been in the same situation, but my main recommendation would be to talk about what is happening as honestly as you can - but not to let cancer and treatment be the only focus of your conversation. It will probably take over a bit for the first few weeks, but make sure you do some normal things too. Go out, day trips, cinema, friends, clubs - whatever floats your boat. Don’t let it hide who you both are.

We all react differently to treatment - many are well through chemo (I was, and had 8 x FEC-T, one of the stronger regimes) - and I kept going to work and going to friends/parties etc. Don’t let the cancer live your life.

How he deals with it will be down to what kind of person he is, but my fella and I have coped by talking, honesty, some tears together, and having fun.

I hope that helps.
Flora xxx

Hi Clare, I found myself in a similar situation had been seeing a new man for 2 months before my diagnosis. I was 32 (nobody was expecting diagnosis even consultant) DCIS low grade had 2 operations in a month and facing mx if margins were not clear after 2nd op but my surgeon was hopefull to preserve my breast tissue so in the end just had wide local excision. Because relationship new didn’t live with each other etc I opted not to say anything at first, and just said needed to go for small operation on breast as he knew I had nipple discharge. I personally felt I couldnt say anything to him. The full story came out the day after I heard I would not require a mx and thats when I let the enormity of what had was happening to me hit had not cried up to that point. I’d arranged a date with him but as getting ready a friend had sent me a lovely text which made me cry in a good way if you know what i mean. I called him to say I couldn’t make the date and he said to me “is everything ok you sound a bit strange” and that was all I needed to blurt the whole story out over the phone. God bless him he took it in his stride and offered to come round and sit with me straight away that night. I declined that offer but we did catch up later in the week. Although this was probably not the best way to break the news it all turned out ok and we continued to see each other for another 8 months before the relationship ended but we still talk and see each other socialy every couple of months even though we are now both in different relationships. In my new relationship after seeing my scars my partner said “have you had a boob job” to which I laughed and replied I had a form of breast cancer and see a consultant yearly, and sometimes in my bra I wear a chicken fillet. (prper prosthetic from hospital) Have found this easy as I am more grounded and less attached to my own feelings if you can understand that. Hope my ramblings have been of some help and others can give you more constructive advice. About 18 months post diagnosis I went to a Young womens workshop which i found realy beneficial as I was having self confidence / depression problems but discussed things such as sex post surgery, how to have confidence etc so requesting a place on 1 of these may prove helpful. Hope you get some more top tips Caz

Clare, I’m not a youngster like yourself & Flora, but I agree with the advice of communication and as much normality as you can manage. I met my guy just two weeks before my diagnosis and we are very happy and together some 7 months later. I was initially determined that I couldn’t allow someone new into my life, but that was absolute nonsense. The right person is a positive addition to your life and cancer shouldn’t be allowed to take that away.

In terms of providing him with support, perhaps let him know that you would find it easier to be on the receiving end of his support if he allowed you to provide some in return. I’m naturally supportive and it helped me to feel my life wasn’t all about the cancer if I could lend an ear, a shoulder or whatever else I could in support of my friends and loved ones.

I hope it all goes well for you
Debs xx

Wow, thanks for all the messages Ladies! It’s so good to know that there are people out there who are facing similar situations and have pearls of wisdom to share. I’ve kept M fully up-to-speed on everything and checked that he’s understood what I’m saying but I’ve not yet really asked him how he is about it all and delved in to that, so I really need to do that. And I try not to let it take over our dates, but the elephant is always in the room, so to speak. Hopefully that will pass in time and become less of a focus. It’s my birthday next week and he’s taking me out for dinner so I’ll make a birthday wish for you all.


Hi Clare,

I was diagnosed in May 2008 just after my 24th birthday and had been with my boyfriend for 7 months… it is difficult because you don’t 100% know each other and because this person will see you at your very worst times, physically and emotionally.

I gave my boyfriend a choice to stay with me and face the cancer or to walk away, no hard feelings, but that he couldn’t leave half way. Luckily, he said he wanted to stay and at this point we knew we loved each other and we wanted to be together.

I think that if your boyfriend is supportive and he makes you happy that you keep things as they are… go on dates and enough yourself and see where it takes you.

Happy birthday for next week!!!

Erin x

Hi Cupcake Clare

I am in a similar situation to yours. I’m 36 and I was with my bf for only a month before I had my appointment at the breast clinic. I am now 2 weeks past my first fec chemo and we are 4 months on and he hasn’t ran for the hills so far - poor guy! Its a lot to take on but we are taking each day as it comes. To complicate things more he has started a new job which he got just before we got together in Leeds - I am in Edinburgh. However it is proving to be a lovely distraction as I have been to visit him twice. I so far have not had any bad SE so I was there two days after my first fec.

He has a very positive outlook and from the onset has encouraged me to remain positive. The topic of hair loss has been awkward ( I showed him Miranda the wig this weekend!) but he has been resolute in saying ‘lets just see what happens’ I am using the cold cap so we shall see.

I have tried not to bombard him with detail (save it for the friends and family) and have kept our time as being fun. Its nice to know there are others in the same boat.