I’m 44 years old and have found a small hard fixated lump on the inner side of my right breast (just to the right of the middle of my chest really) I initially thought it was a blind spot so didn’t give it much thought but it played on my mind so I went to see the GP. They have referred me for bloods and I have an appointment at the breast clinic on the 19th July. I’m absolutely sick with worry. Can’t sleep, eat and the anxiety is making me exhausted. Currently feeling very frightened and lonely as I live on my own. My parents are elderly and aren’t in good health so I don’t really want to bother them as they’d just worry. I’m not too bad during the day but night time us horrendous and I’m usually just in floods of tears. Any words of support would be much appreciated. Thanks
Hi @CayGyrl
Sorry that you have found yourself in this position but you are among friends here . We have all been where you are now and in some ways the waiting for tests / appointments results / being stuck in limbo is the worst of it .I was very much like you in that I found the evenings and nights the worst . Time also seems to play tricks and it seems longer to appointments than normal . I wasn’t alone as such but my partner didn’t deal with it well to begin with and because it was lockdown I went to all my appointments on my own so I did feel alone .
What I would advise you is to say to yourself that you are still the same person as you were before you found this lump - and that is all it is until a Medical Professional tells you otherwise. Try to do things that make you happy / that you can get absorbed in and be happy in the moment . That helps to sustain you when you’re having a wobble later in the day . Keep busy if you can and if you have the time and money to give yourself a bit of a treat then do it. One of my Breast Care Team directed me to Headspace which helped a little as did my Yoga practice .
I know firsthand that as you and they get older the relationship between parents and children gets reversed to some extent but if you are close they may sense something is wrong and will want to do what they can to comfort you. They will have spent a lot of their lives caring for and worrying about you after all. I was very worried about telling my Dad who was 91 at the time but he dealt with it well. Mum had sadly passed by that time and had been in a Care Home for 18 months prior to that but had she been alive I know I would have told her.
I wouldn’t advise telling everyone you know about this but maybe you have a good friend you could spill over to ? You could also ring the helpline here they may be able to answer any questions you have and give you advice prior to your appointment. Don’t be tempted to Google - it’s not your friend right now .
Unless it’s the middle of the night ( and occasionally people are still around then ) there’s always someone about on here.
Sending love ??
Joanne x
I’m so sorry, Cay. I know your anxiety well. The day they called me back to tell me they spotted something on my mammogram and I needed further tests started the worst three weeks of my life. I was a wreak and quite literally would curl up in the fetal position in my closet some days and just sob. So you are not alone. As far as how to manage, the best thing I heard was from Shi I believe on this site. She simply reminded me that I don have breast cancer until a doctor tells me I do. So that’s what I will say to you. You don’t have cancer right now that you know of so don’t give yourself it. They’re just checking things out and 80 percent of people they check these things out with turn out to have something benign going on. So the odds are greatly in your favor. Secondly if you have a close friend call them forth right now. I had two people that I talked with constantly while I waited to hear results. They proverbly called me out of the grave multiple times. They were my lifeline. And thirdly if worse comes to worst, breast cancer sucks but it truly isn’t the worst cancer out there. So many people get it that tons of money and research is devoted to it and there are successful treatments for all stages. And cures for most of them. So even though for me the worst happened it wasn’t nearly as bad as what I gave myself during the three hellish weeks I was waiting to see what was going on. Anyway we’re hear and you’re understood and not alone. Hugs……