Hi Im new. I’m 43 and was diagnosed yesterday with stage 2 grade 3 breast cancer. I have a 9 year old and a 5 year old and I am completely lost. I’m waiting for an MRI nextbweek but I have no idea how to keep a brave face on over Christmas when all i want to do is cry.
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Morning
Sorry to hear about your diagnosis,
It’s just completely Sh*t!!
I know exactly how you are feeling and believe me it’s good to cry and have a little scream.
I have grade 3 and found out last month.
It’s been really tough waiting and that is what you’ll find hard to begin with.
But….I’ve now had surgery and waiting for results.
This forum is my go-to, you just need to stay away from google whilst you start to process.
Remember it’s just one step at a time
Xxxx
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Hi sevoflurane.
I’m sorry you find yourself here, but pleased that you have reached out to us here, where we have personal experience of how you feel right now.
I can only repeat what we were all told at the beginning. Do you have somebody to lean on for support? Maybe you haven’t had chance to think about how far you want your diagnosis to be known. Some of us, myself included, decided there is no shame in telling all our friends, while others felt more comfortable telling a few close ones. Just as long as you don’t try to keep it to yourself.
It will be hard over Christmas. I appreciate that you want to give your children a happy Christmas.
Now you have a diagnosis you can think that you are at the beginning of your road to recovery. It will take time, and you may be frustrated at times as we have all been. But you’ll get there x
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Hi there. I was diagnosed last week with grade 2 IDC. I’m too trying to get through xmas with 3 young kids. We decided not to tell them until january. Im a bit all over the place mentally. All i can say is that you’re not alone and this is treatable. You are tougher than you think and you can get through this. This forum is full of helpful and friendly people who we can tell pur worries. Try and get christmas done and worrry about each treatment or hospital visit, one at a time as they come up. Good luck and merry xmas. X
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So very sorry to hear this, reading the experience of others on here has been a comfort and help to me, I hope you find the same.
Wishing you and your family a peaceful Christmas and hope the New Year brings better news.
Sending you a virtual hug xxx
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Hi @sevoflurane
So sorry that you find yourself in this position.
The only advice I can give is to try to find moments of happiness / things you can lose yourself in for a while as it helps to sustain you when all those nasty thoughts start creeping in. I tried to treat Christmas 2021 as a sort of holiday from cancer - no letters , no appointments no Hospital visits , nothing more to be done / could be done until after the Bank Holidays . My time . I wasn’t entirely successful but I still have very strong precious memories of Christmas Eve and day that year - as if to balance the scales ( it doesn’t of course ) the times that I was able to be happy during that time I was really happy. I also do Yoga / mindfulness / cold water swimming which helped.
Most of all is there a really good friend you can talk to ? That helps . I found that without my knowing previously another one of my friends was a BC survivor - it helped to speak to her as well. With my work there is a 24/7 counselling phone line and I did use that a couple of times once in the evening and once in the night .- both times it helped. Perhaps you have access to a similar service - I’m thinking that cos of your user name.
All of the waiting for tests and then results is horrible - because your life is out of your own control and there are many posts on this forum to attest to this . Many people think it’s the worst part - I’ve had moments when I’ve been in agreement with that. Hopefully after your MRI you will get a plan and begin to be able to move forwards . It’s always harder when things happen at this time of year - I always think of Christmas as being in a parallel universe and not everyone gets to go there every year .
But I hope you do.
With love
Joanne x
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sorry you find yourself here but glad you’ve reached out keep reaching out we’re all here and we all understand, putting on our cloaks of everything is ok to everyone else and reality is 
initially but step by step you will find your drum beat and breast cancer now and everyone’s here, this is your safe space so reach out as much or as little as you need we got you 
Shi xx
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I just wanted to reply to you. I am close in age to you -42. I also have 2 children of similar ages ( mine are five and eight). I was diagnosed three weeks and a half weeks ago. I have had a wide local excision and got those results yesterday.
I actually had a problem over a few months ago with my other breast. As part of investigations for this I had a mammogram and ultrasound in July and MRI at the end of August. These were of both breasts and were normal. Eventually I had a duct excision and they said the issue was caused by a benign papilloma. I only discovered the IDC in the other breast because I booked a follow up appointment because of pain I had at the excision site.
This experience has left me feeling like I can’t trust what scans and tests say and leaves me questioning everything.
It’s been a total whirl wind. One minute I thought I had had got over a health scare and was fully planning an amazing Christmas then the next it felt like my world was turned upside down and Christmas was going on in a strange parallel universe.
I would say I have not managed brilliantly. The BCN nurse was supportive but she actually described my anxiety as through the roof. I definitely wear my heart on my sleeve at appointments and have broken down several times. But I actually think that for me it is important to express this. I also hardly ate or slept in the first week after my diagnosis and actually lost quite a bit of weight.
I have managed to hold it together around the children and they are really looking forward to Christmas .
Since the results of the lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy, I have felt calmer. Although, I still have lots of moments when my mind wanders and I start to catastrophize or worry that there is something that has been missed(these feelings are probably down to earlier experiences).
I am so sorry you have found yourself in this position and it is awful to have to wait over Christmas. I have found the best strategies for coping are the obvious ones of distraction/ keeping busy and avoiding going down a Google hole. However, I do fail to follow this advice on a regular basis ( but I am trying)
I hope these forums help. I personally find it comforting to know that there are people going through relatable situations. I hope you get your MRI and follow up appointments quickly. I also hope that you do manage to have some lovely moments over Christmas. But I also think it’s fine if you just want it to be over. I know it’s a cliche but try to be kind to yourself.
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Hi @sevoflurane
There’s no “good” time to be going through this but I understand how hard Christmas is - your world has just been turned upside down but everything else is continuing as normal and then you have the jolly season on top.
My daughter is grown up and I have a baby granddaughter who couldn’t visit before my surgery as there’s a chance the baby is contagious/ going to get chickenpox (around a few others who now have it) and they’re with in laws for Xmas day / here Boxing Day. I don’t have to put a face on so much as I live alone but it’s mainly come out at the hospital at appointments (I was moved up the list the day of surgery as I just filled up / was so anxious the tears were flowing every time anyone spoke to me) It gets easier as you get each test and op out the way - the limbo in between is absolutely the hardest part and I just felt numb most of the time.
Try to get some time to yourself so you can have a good cry (even if just a pamper bath once the kids are in bed & a cry then) You need to release it at times - any chance of a break away from the kids to talk to a close friend once Xmas day is out of the way? This forum does help as all know the shock and rollercoaster of emotions the cancer journey causes.
I hope the kids’ excitement for Xmas is some distraction and gives you some joy at such a hard time.
Take care & keep talking to people, even if just on here.
Take care xx
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I’m so sorry you find yourself here, I was dx Oct with triple positive grade 2 and had my first chemo last week.
I was broken when I found out like so many of us are, but a friend sent me a book called 365 questions (one a day) and it’s kept me sane. I keep thinking by the time I get to the end, this shitshow will be over.
Take each day at a time, find the positive in the small things and when you need to cry, cry. Let the negative out don’t hold it all in.
Wishing you well darling x
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So sorry to hear your diagnosis and find yourself here. No one wants to be here but you are now in the process. I too was diagnosed and the had an MRI to size the tumour to decide if it was chemo before or after. This put a spanner in the works as it found something in my other breast which also turned out to be a tumour. I’m not trying to worry you but reassure you that every step or test that you take is a step forward to a treatment plan.
Try to confide in someone you trust, I have a very supportive husband and two grown up children, which we only told once diagnosed. I kept the finding a lump secret until I knew what it was. It’s different with young children, I teach in a primary school and the children were just told I wasn’t well and would be off for a while. The school and myself decided it could be scary to tell them, obviously a larger number of children ( I cover several classes) and not my own, but they are interested in you and if you’re off they want to know why.
I would enjoy Christmas and saviour every little moment. If you need to cry, go for a walk, have a bath, meet a friend and let it all out and ensure the children are occupied.
You will need to explain what is happening and they will take in what you say and may have questions. Keep it as basic as possible and answer any questions they have. ( from teaching many topics such as death and dying).MacMillan have books for kids on their website you may be able to borrow from a library Cancer Care Books – Tagged "Children's Book" – Macmillan Cancer Support Shop
I wish a the best Christmas you can have. There are loads of supportive people on this forum, some had their cancer years ago, some newly diagnosed like you and some in the process of their treatment plan, like me.
you’re not alone!
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The waiting at the beginning for test results is the WORST part of everything you have in front of you. I’ve just finished treatment (diagnosed in Feb) but please remember to use this forum when u need answers to even the smallest of queries. There is always someone that has advice for you. Take care x
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Just don’t lose control and enjoy life as it comes.
just remember that more than you, your family will be more affected
my wife was diagnosed with BC in 2015, and 9 years later for MBC
Take medicines as prescribed by your Doctor strictly on time daily
My Best Wishes.
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