Hi Everyone, just plucked up the courage to say hello. A year since diagnosis secondary breast cancer - neck, spine and lung. On letrozole, ribociclib and denusumab. Seems to be ok so far. Insomnia the worst.
Husband likes to pretend its not happpening. I try to keep life as "normal "as possible but the tiredness and pain does take over sometimes.
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Dear Jackbaz
We have all been there, and now we are here for you, welcome to our club the one you didn’t want to join, we have some lovely ladies who are so supportive to everyone.
Please keep posting to let us know how your getting on, one day at a time at the moment taking good care of yourself, I think keeping things as normal as possible is always positive, as you said your husband is being very quiet at the moment, this is possibly his way of dealing with it. Just try to support each other.
A cup of tea with that special friend can work wonders. Wishing you health and happiness ahead.
With the biggest hugs Tili 
Hi @jackbaz welcome to the forum. We’re a friendly bunch even though we all wish we didn’t have to be here. I’m so glad that things are going ok with the treatment. I’m replying firstly to say hi but secondly to suggest that you try posting on another forum thread, namely “Living with Secondary Breast Cancer” which is the fifth choice down on the top menu. Under that category are subcategories including “Supporting each other and sharing experiences.” I think you’d get more specific support from fellow women with secondaries on there as many restrict their interaction on the forum to that category. I wish you continued success with your treatments and hope that you find the forum a worthwhile place to be.
Thank you I have sent a request to join a minute ago.
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Welcome jackbaz. I am sorry your husband can’t face your diagnosis but I think men aren’t brought up to be very reflective about health and emotional wellbeing. It’s the stiff upper lip plus if I ignore it I can forget there’s an elephant in the room.
My husband said “mustn’t grumble” whenever I said I felt depressed after having a mastectomy and reconstruction in a 9 hour operation. I think they believe that that is enough to cure you.
We know that you can get spread to other parts of the body and that the art of prediction is quite crude despite all the machinery of mammograms, CT, MRI and the scrutiny of cells under the microscope.
So I this place of uncertainty they are like people lost in the desert looking for an oasis.
Maybe we all are. I know I need spiritual guidance and to put myself first regardless of my nearest and dearest. I shall do as much physical activity as I can as long as I am enjoying it. Gardening is my number 1 but I joined a bannatynes gym and found using machines 10 mins of each I have really built up my shoulders and arm muscles
Do not give up enjoying life and you may forget that you are not going to live forever. Neither am I but I want to feel I can do as much as I can with or without cancer
Cheers
Seagulls aged 68 3/4
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Hello, and thank you for your message. I too love to garden, I dont find it as easy but still give it a go. My Husband wants life to be the same( and I dont blame him, so do I !!) but its never going to be the same. I guess I put pressure on myself too, making sure that the house is clean, the shopping done, his meals are cooked etc etc. I still work too, the same hours but I have adjusted the times due to my insomnia. It feels like he has no empathy. I can have cancer as long as it doesnt affect him. Luckily I can still manage a lot but sometimes the fatigue sets in and the pain kicks in and I cant be lil ole mrs cheery all the time with a mop in one hand and his dinner in the other. Sorry, winge over 
Hope you are having a great day.
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Hi i just wanted to say, ive sbc too, similar treatment and effected places as yourself.
My husband i feel tries to forget the elephant in the room… We do talk about it, i normally get teary, he knows its constantly on my mind, hard to forget with meds taking, pain, discomfort, extreme fatigue etc, he said he didnt want me to become depressed and that he thinks im doing brilliantly considering what im going through and that he couldnt do it. So i get cuddles after wobbles and positive thoughts and we carry on with our day. Dont be so hard on yourself, the cleaning etc can wait or just ignore it like i do when not feeling my best. Keep strong lovely lady, we all have it within us somewhere x
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Thank you so much for your understanding I have just been for pre op assessment for surgery 3rd July I thought oh I’d Iron Out all my concerns but feel as much angst as when I went in for the appointment. The nurse was informative but all the things that could go wrong post surgery my mind kept sticking on - new worries for my anxiety state!! Wish I could calm myself think of all the deep breathing and meditation techniques I’ve learnt over the years and lavender bag sniffing but at present it doesn’t help!! I do realise hundreds of women have diagnosisike me of cancer but all I can home in is
my body and me which sounds so selfish when normally I’m the most empathetic person there is!! I’m just waiting for neck X-ray before op so hoping okay for next Wednesday!!
Good luck with the neck x ray. I have not had one of those so I hope you will let me know how it goes.
I often feel like I become a very odd version of myself when cross over the threshold of my cancer hospital. I want to be me all the time but I am in a “fight or flight” psychological state. More fight than flight actually.
To the staff I am just another patient who may be a nice compliant smiley version of me or more likely a very anxious angry extremely tall and snooty elderly person.
I would never recognise myself as this oddball
Seagulls
Hi, you are not alone, i go into my scans/consultant meetings head held high, thinking positive i can do this and smile, 10 mins later my eyes produce this watery stuff(joking apart) at that point its just me doing this, trying to keep still, eyes welling, broken down a few times over the last 3 years since first prognosis to now, when im there its just me,they understand, seen so many im sure.
Wishing you biggest hugs for next wednesday, thoughts are with you, as i have cervical cancer too along with spine, lumber, ribs and femour in both legs.
Wendy
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The biggest of big hugs to you purplerose đź©·
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Thank you Tigress,
I read and sometimes reply to messages on here to i hope give support and reassurance to ladies like myself going through this horrible (could call it something else) disease lol, that they are not alone in there thoughts/feelings and in hoping sharing some of mine would help in some way.
So im returning your biggest hugs tenfold, because we all want to know someone understands and cares 
Wendy
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