Hello, not sure what to say except I had 3 biopsies yesterday and surgeon was able to be pretty certain it’s cancer. I am 49 ( 50 in 3 months) and I am worried because it’s quite large and suspicious lymph nodes area too. I’m scared because I wasn’t having mammograms due to age, so I think it’s been there a while from what surgeon said, but I only spotted it 2 weeks ago. My 2 children both left to start university last year so I’m in my 1st few months of being alone ( single parent). I’m very scared it’s spread and will be an untreatable type. I’m going on holiday on Friday and the surgeon and nurses said they will review the results/MDT whilst I’m away and then I will have the prognosis after that. I know my holiday will be hard to enjoy but I’m meeting my 19 year old son in Italy for a couple of days ( not telling him or my daughter anything YET) so will have to put on a brave face. Just wanting to drop by for support and comfort from this wonderful community. I have a stressful job which has quite a dark and difficult aspect (helping others with trauma) so I am signed off because it won’t be easy to juggle that and treatment: I haven’t the emotional capacity.
Hey! So sorry you find yourself here but welcome to the group. You will honestly get so much support from the wonderful people on here who helped me through some of the darkest days of my life! Everyone will tell you, like they told me, you really are in the worst stage of waiting for the prognosis, it gets so much easier once the wait is over. The only things that helped me during that stage are:
-Staying off Google. Use this forum for real life advice and info
-Keep distracted, a lovely holiday I’m sure will help that
-If your mind spirals remember this, “there thoughts NOT facts”
I was diagnosed last October, had a lumpectomy and am now having chemo (which I was absolutely petrified of and it’s really not been bad). I’m 34 with 2 young children so Inbetween appointments I’ve had to stay as normal as possible for them. Mine hadn’t spread to lymph nodes but my friend who got diagnosed just a month after me had a slightly bigger lump that had spread to 4 lymph nodes, she had a full lymph node clearance with her lumpectomy, it was still very treatable.
Do you have any hobbies you like doing to stay distracted or any projects you’ve wanted to do for a while?
Lean into all of the support you can, I was offered lots of holistic treatments etc through hospital which were get for relaxation.
Hey thank you! Yes I’ve figured this group will be a life line and I’m definitely not going to be on Google!!! That would be a terrible rabbit hole of doom! I’m so pleased you found such good support and having been consumed by parenting my two for the past 20 years, gosh, I guess there is nothing but getting on with it because you will be so busy with them. It helps me to see how many of us have navigated this, through the many complexities, each in turn bringing strength to others. Thanks for the example of your friend too as that bit totally scared me. Sending lots of hugs and wishes to you x
I agree with what @katie91 has said. This is the worst part. I guarantee when you know more details and what your treatment plan will be that you will feel more in control. It’s so easy to jump to worst case scenarios (I’m sure we’ve all done it), but many many breast cancers are absolutely treatable.
I didn’t work following diagnosis. I tried to go back a couple of times but, like you, my work is emotionally impactful, affects other people’s lives and I was too distracted so decided it was best to focus on myself until I returned after surgery. I used a lot of that time (apart from an understandable slump for a couple of weeks) on exercise. Do you do any physical activities? It’s difficult to worry when you are physically pushing yourself and also (I believe) really helped with my good recovery.
Deep breaths. It’s early days and it takes time to come to terms with a diagnosis, but people will be here to support you as much as you want or need. Sending love. x
Oh it certainly is the hole of doom with many outdated stats and figures!!
I spoke with people on here who are 10/20 years on from diagnosis living their best lives which gave me so much positivity in the early days. Its a journey but you will come through the other side hope you’ve got some sun where you are today xx
Yes I’m just lying in bed listening to birdsong and grateful it’s Spring time and as you say, a bit of sun. Blue sky will be perfect too!
My mum is 86 and an absolute picture of health, always mistaken for being loads younger and never ill! So she came with me to hospital and also stayed in my daughter’s room ( daughter at uni) last night because I was scared to be at home alone.
I’m not someone who finds it easy to stay home although at present I can’t face the world but I think I will try and go on a small day trip today if I can manage it.
Is it common to have the worst twinges which make you think it’s spread? I keep feeling things that are unnerving. I had a bit of a cough this week before appointment but since yesterday it seems to be a bit better so I’m thinking that’s a good sign. My body is fighting still.
This is understandably really tough for you. Glad you’re signed off work. I wish I could offer you words of wisdom or comfort, but I guess nothing will cut it for you right now. Just know this forum is here and you can talk to us as much as you need to.
Do your level best not to Dr Google. Work with what is between the noses. xxxx
It’s common to feel aches and pains, I think. When I was diagnosed I started getting pains in my back and arm and convinced myself it had spread everywhere (it hadn’t). Then, when I was recalled from my first mammogram I had tenderness in my ribs and again thought the worst (turned out what they wanted to look at again wasn’t even on that side!). Both times these disappeared when I was given the all clear and think it was my body simply holding too much stress.
Don’t ignore things, but do remember our minds can do funny things when we are under pressure. x
Hi @lizzygirl. There’s nothing I can say to stop you worrying. However, i wanted to say that I am 48 with 3 kids at home. When I was diagnosed age 46, I was told at the biopsy too that it was highly likely to be cancer. I then had 2 weeks to wait.
Try to enjoy your holiday and relax. Tell yourself that you want to have a fab break before treatment. Remind yourself that until you know for sure what you dealing with there is no point in googling.
If it is cancer, almost all are treatable and many cureable now. I had lymph nodes involved but after surgery, chemo and radiotherapy I am now cancer free. The treatments sound scary but you will find that the reality is never as bad as what you expect and that there is a lot of support for you through in person groups, forums, and charities. With hindsight, i have found a lot of positive outcomes from my cancer journey but it is so hard to see that is even possible at the beginning. We are here for you - keep us posted xxx
Hi @lizzygirl I’m so sorry you find yourself in this situation but I’m so glad you’ve found this forum. Already I can see everyone taking you under their wing just like they did me. There’s no beating around the bush here, for the next few weeks you will be worrying about this non stop. Though I will say ive read many surprising stories here where doctors have been sure it was cancer only for it to be something different. Our boobs as ive learnt the last few months are much more trouble than they appear to be!
I keep thinking about your worry, that its an untreatable type. And without being a doctor or a scientist I am inclined to say that I dont think nowdays there are many untreatable breast cancers. I used ai to ask this question and I hope like me it gives you some hope.
Here’s what it said….
Breast cancer treatment outcomes vary widely depending on several factors, but many breast cancers are treatable, especially when detected early. (Here’s me speaking again, this term early worries us all but what we consider early and what doctors consider early is very different. I wanted my early cancer to only have been there a matter of weeks. The reality is most early breast cancers sit undetected for a long time. So even if yours has been there a while, it might still be considered early. Lots of different things are used to determine this further down the line)
Key Factors Influencing Treatability:
Stage at Diagnosis: Early-stage breast cancers (localized) have a higher chance of successful treatment and cure.
Type of Breast Cancer: Certain types, like hormone receptor-positive or HER2-positive cancers, respond well to targeted therapies.
Tumor Biology: Aggressiveness and genetic markers affect treatment options and prognosis.
Patient Health: Overall health and age influence treatment tolerance and choices.
Treatment Options:
Surgery: Removal of the tumor or breast.
Radiation Therapy: To destroy remaining cancer cells.
Chemotherapy: Systemic treatment for aggressive or advanced cancers.
Hormone Therapy: For hormone receptor-positive cancers.
Targeted Therapy: For specific molecular targets like HER2.
Immunotherapy: Emerging option for some types.
Outlook:
Many breast cancers, especially when caught early, can be cured or controlled long term.
Advanced or metastatic breast cancer often becomes a chronic condition with ongoing treatment, aiming to prolong life and maintain quality.
Me again I’m not reading anything there that tells me breast cancers aren’t treatable. There are so many treatment options now. Focus on that word, treatment.
It is understandable that we go straight to the worst case and instantly write outselves off but until you are given that as a fact, please try to remain hopeful. Whatever the results, whether its cancer or another of the countless breast issues you could have, finding it is positive. Now you are getting things checked, you are already winning. Keep as positive as possible. Its not possible all the time but when you feel a wave of strength and positivity ride that wave. Big hugs
Hello I just wanted to echo what everyone else has said really. You are in the worst part, the waiting is so hard. But once you know what you are dealing with your team will devise a treatment plan and then you can get on with it and before you know it you’ll be out the other side.
I was diagnosed Feb 2025 and had a lumpectomy with full node clearance (4 nodes involved). I had 8 cycles of chemo, another op for clear margins and 3 weeks of radiotherapy. I now take endocrine therapy tablets daily and start targeted therapy soon. I am in a really good place mentally and physically and it’s almost surreal to think about what I’ve been through in the past year. I’m telling you this because although at times treatment will feel scary and insurmountable, you will get through it and life will continue.
In the meantime, as others have said, keep yourself distracted if you can. Your holiday sounds lovely so enjoy every moment of it. This forum is an absolute godsend so post or read as often as you need to. x
Sorry you find yourself here, & I echo what everyone says, this forum is the best & you will get support & real life Info - resist Google!
The waiting is such a hard part - I ended up having 4 biopsies, they are not pleasant, but they really will help you get the brains of the MDT getting a treatment plan for you.
You may have already had a breast cancer nurse assigned, in the early days & pre and post prognosis they were a hotline for me too - I’ve also spoken to the nurses on this forum - honestly ask all the little things you want to know.
Im now 3 months post mastectomy surgery & having adjuvant chemo to help reduce reoccurrence - there are many treatment routes & options
Wishing you all the best, & try to make the most of your holiday - Italy is fabulous at this time of year
Hello there , I’m sorry you are in this situation . I just wanted to say to try to take each day at a time until you have your plan. They have said that you will get the results when you come back so try to treat this holiday as a break from cancer as much as you can as nothing is going to change during this time .I found that my time outdoors in nature and with loved ones felt more vivid and precious to me during the various waiting stages and still stands out very clearly in my mind four years later . You are going to a beautiful place and to be with your son - do things that make you feel happy in the moment and if you have a wobble think about them and what you are going to do the next day that you will enjoy .
Like a lot of people I had the twinges that you are experiencing and before I was told that they were looking at my right breast the twinges were actually worse on the left - I had experienced recent health problems on the left side of my body and somehow assumed this would be the same. I think you just become hyper aware of every little sensation that wouldn’t normally register because you don’t trust your body anymore and are subconsciously monitoring it.
I’m a Nurse and also went off sick as I had told a couple of people that I had been called back as I thought talking would help with the anxiety - it didn’t really and when I didn’t get the all clear I just couldn’t face them . Also I kept turning on the microwave without having put the food in and I virtually bit my friends head off when she told me to think positive . I‘m normally considered to be extremely patient and empathetic but I didn’t have the bandwidth to help my patients and their relatives or my colleagues and I still think they were safer and happier without me so don’t feel bad about not being at work . For some people being at work may help for others it definitely does not . Xx
Hi and welcome. I had a similar experience but decided to go ahead with my holiday to Rome and put off my operation for a couple of weeks. I was one of those few whose cancer was not picked up on a mammogram which I’d had a few months before.
I am blown away by all your responses. Thank you every one of you. I met 3 friends today in my village and as was said, these memories and times I think will remain very vivid and powerful in my memory. We are now going to have a monthly get together taking it in turns at each of our houses. We are all just post children flying nest and as often happens living in silos whilst work just takes over…this has made us think about reconnecting more than ever
Thank you for all your wishes and advice and personal stories. I’m finding the sisterhood here amazing beyond belief.
xx
I’m not reading anything there that tells me breast cancers aren’t treatable. There are so many treatment options now. Focus on that word, treatment.
