New here - recent double mastectomy

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I just wanted to say hello and hopefully engage with people that are going through the same as me. I am 48 years old with a 21 & 15 yr old and married to my second husband for 18months

I am at the beginning of my cancer journey. I was on holiday in February for my husband’s 40th in Iceland when I noticed a change of shape in my breast and when I felt it, there was a lump. I initially wasn’t worried because I’ve had naturally lumpy breasts and normally they turn out to be cysts . However in my appointment they told me straight away they suspected it was cancer.

I was diagnosed with grade 3 lobular breast cancer which was oestrogen positive and HER2 negative. Then following my MRI they found cancer in the other breast and on the 28th of May I had a double mastectomy with temporary expanders. I opted to have the full reconstruction with my own body tissue delayed because I didn’t want to go through such a traumatic surgery in one go.

It’s been almost two weeks since my surgery and when I had the dressings changed last week, I sobbed throughout my whole appointment and couldn’t bear to look down. Before my surgery I was a G cup. I am now quite small at the moment. It just doesn’t feel like my body. I feel really detached which is making me feel really low. I have no nipples and as you can imagine it’s really hard for me to feel like a woman.

I have an appointment next week for my treatment plan. I know I will be having radiotherapy, but they’re still a possibility of me having to have chemo as a curative path.

Just feeling overwhelmed by it all

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@smb_75 of course you’re feeling overwhelmed - it is completely and utterly overwhelming. I had a masectomy and node removal 7 weeks ago now and I still can’t look at myself. I put towels over the mirrors in the bathroom and close my eyes to any reflections. I’m just not ready to face it, especially as I’m now going through chemo. This will take time… cry it out… do what feels right for you… you will eventually look and feel ok. Remember - reconstruction in the future is an option. I think I’ll stay flat but it’s nice to know if I wanted a new boob, the option is there. Hang on in there - it’s early days and it will get better for you xx

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Hi @smb_75

As @donna_51 says, it’s no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed. There are so many huge changes happening for you.

Do you know more about your treatment plan now? Our lovely breast care nurses are here if you have anything you’d like to chat through - clinical questions, worries, anything. You can reach them here on the forum on the Ask our Nurses your questions or over the phone 0808 800 6000.

We’re thinking of you,
Lucy