new member

Hi everyone

Just plucked up courage to write something- newly diagnosed(yesterday) and veering between feeling reasonably ok and then a bit shaky, panicky etc. I have another appt on Thurs to plan treatment- chemo + surgery, don’t know which will be first.

Am worrying about telling my 2 children, they’re in their 20s + married but don’t live near so I’ll have to tell them by phone, am dreading it though i know they will cope.

It’s been helpful to read comments on the forum +hear others stories,so many brave women out there, hope I can be too.

Good luck to all out there

Hello jazz

Welcome to the forums, you’ve come to the right place for support as I’m sure the users of this site who have a wealth of knowledge between them will be along to support you soon.

In the meantime you may find it useful to contact our free helpline on 0808 800 6000, opening hours are Monday to Friday 9.00 – 5.00 and Saturday 9.00 – 2.00.

Best Wishes
June, moderator

Hi you are where i was exacctly this time last year and i know your head will be all over the place and panicky. My 1st words were how will i tell my daughter and mam and dad both were 80y…my breastcare nurse said its the way yoou tell them,if you are positive,calmand upbeat(its not a death sentance)treatments are much better and survivalmore than 90%then they will be too. Its not nice and treatment is long but it is doable and luckily ive been really well doing normal things will feel much calmer when you know youre plan annd see consultant we are all here for you to get you through this forum has been amazing to me and the ladies so knowledgable we have loads of tips to get you through just take baby stepps at a time and conncentrate on each stage at a time.message me anytime. Hope everything goes well for you too x big hug julie

hello Jazz, sorry you have had to join this club that no one wants to join but actually has so many fantastic , inspirational members. You will find lots of support available from BCC and the solid crew on here.

Take care

Rhi xx

HI Jazz,
sorry you have had to join us, the shock is pretty devastatinging to start with I think. I think Julie’s right about -its how you tell them. I waited a week to tell my sister so that I had a bit more solid info after the biopsy results rather than just the first diagnosis - then i felt able to tell her the news, treatment plan and prognosis all in one.
But whatever suits you, be kind to yourself. very best wishes, Nicola

Hi Jazz, you’re having a very normal reaction to the news, but you will find that as you get more information and plans for treatment it becomes a bit easier to cope with. The waiting stages are the worst for all of us.

I told my adult children (I have 3) the facts as I got them with a stress on the positive, even though my news seemed to get worse for a while, but each time I concentrated on the planned treatment. I made it clear that I didn’t expect them to interrupt their own lives over this, but would be happy to see them whenever they could manage, as always. The two who live closest have rung and come round more than they usually would, to be on call or to be with me when their dad is away and I have had surgery or chemo.

Married children have their own relationship responsibilities, of course, and it’s important that they work out a balance, especially if there are young children involved. The other issue is that we may not be able to support adult children as much as we usually do at times, which is something I feel acutely when I can’t travel to attend DD2’s concerts.

Best wishes,


Hi Jazz

We’re all with you, and know where your head is at the moment. Well done for coming onto the forums, we’ll all help where we can.

Do you know what your diagnosis is? There are different types of breast cancer with different treatments and sadly lots of women with breast cancer, so there is almost certain to be someone on the forums who has the same as you but a bit further along, so you can ask questions and see what our experiences have been so far.

The helpline’s also really good if you want to have a voice to talk to rather than just a keyboard, and the Publications section will give you some straightforward information.

Take care with googling, there’s a lot of stuff out there that is single-issue, over-simplified, out-of-date or just plain wrong, so stick with the reputable sites such as this one, Macmillan, Cancer Research, that kind of thing.

Hi Jazz
Glad you felt able to seek us out. You are where I was 6 years ago
The way you feel is normal everything happens so fast it can be hard to take it in. The forums are a great way to talk to others and get lots of support what ever the problem and remember no question is silly, what ever it is someone will understand and have been there

Hi Jazz
Don’t worry about the kids, they do cope. daughter repremanded me and said “We are grown ups you know” This is something I still forget. My last words to son as he goes to Afghanistan are always “Remember if they tell you to go near anything that goes bang they have to ring me first.” Just make sure you always tell them the truth and they’ll be fine.
I’m so sorry you are starting on the journey, I got my five year all clear today, but the memories and emotions are still engraved on my brain.
Keep in contact with forum, there is a great deal of knowledge and support here.
Good Luck
Love Chinook

Hi Jazz, I’ve been looking on here for a week now , I am newly diagnosed, had a bone scan today , ct scan tomorrow, also seeing my BCN in the morning for some results of tests done last week, we seem to be about the same place in our journey. I have 2 grown up girls (in their early 30 s)and a partner of 30 years. Its been an awful week but I have had alot of support from many on here, I am reasonably certain I will be having chemo 1st as I have IBC and surgery later,It would be good to keep in touch with you and ‘compare’ notes if you like, be a support for eachother.
Good Luck


Just to wish you both well.

I’m on FEC3 and have been thru’ the scans. You are truly at the worst part, where everything moves so fast and you can’t take it all in but IT WILL get better.

I have 15yr girl and 6yr old lad, both were really worried about my hair diasappearing (more so 15yr 'cos of her age)but now the worst has happened they’re fine. I’ve been completely honest without giving them the eeby jeebies (I said scans were to work out the best treatment not to see if it had spread). I keep telling them it’s horrible but do-able and the only time to panic is if i panic!

I’m sure you’ll get loads of support and advice, i’ve found it really useful. Best of luck.

Hi Jazz and Jean.
I just wanted to lend my support to you also. This is a great place to find support, even though no one wants to find oneself here.
There are many of us further down the treatment routes who will be able to offer moral support.
Hugs and best wishes,

to avenuesue and staycalmandcarryon, Thankyou for your good wishes, it really does help, just returned from my CT scan not as bad as bone scan yesterday, but thats done now, have another ultrasound on Friday as something shown up in other breast on Mammogram so need to check that out. Had informal chat with BCN this morning , I will have chemo first and a full MX and all lymph nodes removed later.Go tomorrow for formal results and poss a treatment plan. I have been quite calm up til now ,was teary when told I would have the MX but ok now. Just hope nothing else shows up on scans but I trust the professionals and take it from there. Ladies like you have helped enormously and I dont feel quite so alone anymore, this site is brilliant.

Hi Jean,

I have four adult children and initially made the mistake of only telling the two daughters living close to me, and not saying anything to my son (who had problems of his own at the time) and my youngest daughter who is travelling in Australia - main reason for this was that the initial news was (in my mind at least) small op needed, followed by rads so life could carry on as normal with only a small interuption. Therefore no need to worry them… needless to say it hasn’t gone quite like that, and my eldest and youngest children were not pleased to hear the news later than the other two, however all are coping fine and are a great support on the whole, although of course they are more used to me supporting them.
Really pleased to see your comment that the CT scan was easier than the bone scan as I had bone scan today and was dreading CT tomorrow!!
I am finding this site a huge support - you are right it is brilliant. Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.


Glad you’re feeling better.

It’s normal to get teary, in fact not normal if you didn’t!

I’m on the 3rd lot of chemo and have the mx to look forward to. I asked if i could do it this way as i was worried that i might not cope as well with the mx (psycologically) during the chemo. My onc and consultant agreed that i could, obviously if they said no then it would be no. I’m also due to have recon at the same time, which again i’m hoping it will help my mind set.

When you go for your appointment ask loads of questions about the possibilities open to you, it will help you feel that you are in the driving seat.

best of luck x

Hi everyone, thanks so much for all your comments, so helpful and inspiring. Only a week or so since diagnosis tho seems much longer. I know I’m at the start of the journey and many of you are further along the road, and I need to keep strong… Mood can be variable. ok then not…

It’s been a difficult week, trying to come to terms with it all, tears and fears of course but trying just to manage one step at a time. Partner has been great though of course it’s been a shock for him too.Family v supportive, and as various of you said, the children are coping and I have to remind myself that they are grown ups. . Am starting to tell friends who have been kind+supportive. It helps enormously to know others are thinking of you + willing to help where they can.
Op next week ( lump + glands, then chemo + rad.Maybe Mx later cos of family history) One step at a time though…
Jean, how are you doing? I know we were diagnosed around the same time.
Good wishes to all