New relationship post lumpectomy and rads

hi anna,
sorry things turned out as they did but happen for the best but glad your still friends, as for mine it never got off the ground to be honest although still friends also, its so hard work when your a single mum with or without bc !
are you the anna i have on my friends list on face book from from bc pals or breast buddies?

Hi Lucyloo
Sorry yours didn’t work out either !
Don’t think I have you on my Facebook friends…send me a PM with your email addy and I will check/add you !!

Anna xxx

Hi Anna,
Sorry that so far the dating thing hasnt worked out for you. But to give you some hope i met a man almost 3 years ago on the internet. Im a single mum of 3, then 12,8,5… I hasd just finished chemo and rads,starting herceptin, and a bit bored!..He lives just 10 miles from me, we had a bit too much to drink on first date and my “hair” moved, i had to tell him! Didnt put him off at all, now trying to sell our houses and get a bigger one together, his wife, although was estranged ,is dead, so we need a 6 bed houses as hes 2 kids too…With oophrectomy and aromasin, im now nearly 2 stone heavier, but he doesnt mind. I dont feel sexy any more, hes patient, but i dont know how long for!!Only 2 years left on the drugs…

Just keep in there, i had being using the internet for 2 years before BC, it suits if you cant get out with kids, i had lots of fun, and met friends for life, and a lot of arseholes!!!It is a bit addictive,helps self confidence after divorce, but its a bit of a game! I actually missed it after i met my partner!, but omly for a while, just glad for some normality, and not getting constant txt msm!

Good luck and enjoy,


Hi i think the key is how you feel about yourself. Pre BC i had dabbled with the internet dating having split from a relationship of 24 years, i was in the best shape i had ever been back then ( 2007) I did meet someone 7 months pre diagnosis, and he has stayed and been fairly supportive, but i feel he has been waiting for me to ‘get better’ but now 18months post dx i know i have changed and will never be the person i was. Emotionally i have changed and of course phyically. I constantly worry about how i look, but more so when i was with him. Of course sex changed it became differentpost dx to when we first met. This seemed so unfair to him and though he tried to reassure me i feel unless i can love myself how can anyone else love me. Saying that i sometimes think if i met someone new now, they would take me as i am now! as they wouldn’t know the old me. Oh dear this has gone on a bit. But i think the message is YES of course you can have and enjoy new relationships, go for it girls.


What websites would you recommend ? Tried for a while but never really clicked with anyone, have to say I only exchanged emails with a couple, but found with my boring life I had nothing to say.

I have been on and Dating Direct, both of which were ok but it does get a bit tiresome with the constant emails and MSN messaging. I sometimes feel I would rather just meet people in the flesh!! as I can build up a good rapport via messaging but it’s no use if , when you meet, there’s no chemistry !!

Friends have recommended Guardian Soulmates and the one run by The Times (can’t remember what it’s called), so maybe I’ll give those a try… LOL

Happy Hunting ladies :slight_smile:

Anna x is a another site worth looking at

I met the man of my dreams on the internet 2 months pre dx. He has stuck by me and is wonderful. I did have to go on about 20 dates to find him though!

Top tips for internet dating:

  1. don’t do lots of emails and phone calls to the same guy, cut to the chase and meet them as soon as you can, and better if it is only for a coffee, no pressure that way
    2)Email LOADS of guys, lots won’t reply back but lots will
    3)Treat is as a bit of fun and know that you will go on some dates with some real losers, but your married friends will love hearing the stories
  2. Remember everybody lies! You can too, it is called marketing.
  3. Don’t get hung up on anyone - there are lots of sexpest, perverts, lonely losers, compulsive liers, men obsessed with their exes, boring people, etc etc
  4. all the usual safety rules apply too.

Hmmm, if my man wasn’t so wonderful, I almost would be tempted to do it all again!! llol

I used and (great for meeting fun, outdoorsy men)

good luck

Hi I agree with what Gretchen has written re ‘the rules’ and its the age old adage …you have to kiss a lot of frogs !! :wink:

I quite liked , my single best friend, it not the cheapest but i liked the format and the couple of guys i met up with ( pre DX) were good fun and it was nice ‘to date’ because thats the thing if you go on these things looking for prince charming to whisk you off your feet they are few and far between, but there are some nice ok people to meet. I know 4 people who have all had real success. My chap was fab but i think it was me who changed post DX.

so again girls its you thats out there, your smiles, your fun, your laughter , is you not your cancer push that at the back of the que YOU come first xxxx

Well ladies…

what a difference a few months can make !

I did some dating via Guardian Soulmates and would endorse all the rules suggested by Gretchen and others. Had some fun but nothing much else…

Then started seeing a male friend I had known for a while in a whole new light. He already knew about the BC as I had told him about it when we were just friends. It was such a lovely way to get together. Friends first, then a slow build up and now totally in lurve !!!

It is almost exactly one year to the day since my op and I remember being so so down and scared/depressed etc. I would never have believed that I could be happy and positive again. But now I feel I could explode with joy ! My boyfriend is the most amazing, loving, kind, positive and gorgeous man ever and I am so,so happy !!!

Lots of love to you all and please everyone take heart from my story: good things can and will happen !!! even after BC…:slight_smile:

Big hugs

Anna xxxxxxxx

Anna that’s a lovely story. I am really pleased for you and you have made me smile. Thanks and long may you be full of happiness!

Well done, Anna!

Ann xxx

Congratulations Anna. Long may it continue x

Anna, what lovely news - so very pleased for you and long may it continue.

For those still looking - in addition to Gretchen’s tips, I’d say:

  1. Don’t be desperate - people can tell. Go out with friends, do things, make new friends (yes, I do mean just friends), get new hobbies - most men aren’t looking for a woman who is needy. If you are happy and getting on with enjoying life, that makes you so much more attractive.

  2. Many dating sites do friendship and organise social events - be brave and go. Remember, people may appear to know each other, but they were all new once and had to make the same first step as you. Its good to make new friends - both female and male - gives you more people to be enjoying life with.

In contradiction to Gretchen’s tips, I’d say

  1. Everyone’s different - some people like to get to know someone slowly, whilst others prefer to meet up quickly to check for “chemistry” (or as I prefer to call it … lust!) Equally some people are creative about facts, but others are very honest and will not contenance dating someone who is lying about critical information. As in all things dating, its about trying to meet someone who feels the same way as you do … about lots of things.

The Times’ dating site is called Encounters and I’ve had success with that one (two serious relationships met there), I’d also recommend which has a discussion forum through which I made a lot of friends when I first became single again. I’ve also dated a couple of guys there, both of whom remained good friends afterwards.

I’ve been seeing the second of my Times’ relationships for 6 months now, having met him just 2 weeks before diagnosis. He has been quite amazing, completely unfazed, supportive and absolutely lovely. It just shows, if its the right person, cancer needn’t be a problem … unless you make it so.

Good luck everyone who is dating … and remember, there is no shame in having fun (and getting a well earned confidence boost) with Mr Right Now, until you find (or are ready for) Mr Right.

Debs x

this is becoming a hot bed of dating advice! They will base a sit com on it soon!


just got my 1st annual mammo results ( exactly one year to the day since my WLE op)…


“no suspicious features” !!!


love and hugs to you all

Anna xxxxxx

I am so pleased your results were good, Anna. Hope you’re celebrating!

Ann xxx

Glad your results were good Anna. Got my 1st annual mammo on Tuesday !