HI
Anybody been in this situation ? Last year I had such a rubbish time with a relationship ending and of course the joy of BC to deal with. However, things have turned around and are looking up in so many ways. I have been on a date with a new chap and we got on really well. We are going out again tomorrow. If this leads to anything significant, I am wondering at what stage to tell him about the BC ??
So far i have only said that I had a tough year last year and that I was off work sick for a while (went back about 2 months ago).
I was lucky enough not to need chemo and had WLE and rads. I have a scar and a bit of a dent where the lump was removed.
I am 44 and a mum of 2.
Any similar experiences/stories would be welcomed…
Thanks
Hi Anna, I’m not in your situation relationship- wise, but just wanted to wish you well. Good for you that you’re getting on with your life and it sounds like exciting times are ahead. Lovely news.
Don’t come on here much these days but just had to say ‘go for it girl’. You had such a bad time last year I’m so pleased things are improving and I really hope it all works out for you.
When to tell him - I think you will know the right time but whatever you do be proud of how you’ve coped through such a difficult time.
My theory about relationships in general is not to talk about the bad stuff in the beginning, only the good things. Once you’ve become a bit more established then maybe bring it up but don’t make too much of it. If somebody likes you enough and is worth it, he’ll stick around. I haven’t had my reconstruction yet so it’s really difficult to hide what’s happened so for me I’d have to tell them sooner rather than later as I look rather different!
Wishing you all the best of luck with the relationship.
Ruby xxx
Hi there, wow good on you, after all the crap you had to deal with last year, Im so so pleased for you, you will know when the time is right to tell him
hope you are settling into your new home and hope your little boy is doing ok after his accident last year
Thanks guys !
Carol, the house is fab; we absolutely love it ! Ethan had to have more surgery to have the metal pin out of his leg, but is now almost back to normal( or he was until yesterday when he hurt it again playing football!!!)
Jan and Ruby, thanks so much for the advice, good wishes and moral support!
Anna xx
great to hear things have moved on for you and i just wanted to say im in a very similar situation, i have met some one new only had one date but another looks vey promising its a bit difficult at the moment because we live quite a bit away from each other but after several bad relatonships in the past and having the odd date here and there i have finally met someone who i really do quite like, the only thing is we were chatting on the phone the other night and he said his last partner and him broke up because she was dx with bc and it ended up driving them apart!dont actually know who left who really as i quickly changed the subject and feel at a loss as to how to bring it up about my dx even though im years down the line, had lumpectomy chemo and rads,
good luck with yours do let me know how you get on please,
Hi Kay how shocking for him to say that about his ex partner. I bet you were gob smacked !! Not surprised you changed the subject !!
However, bear in mind that they were together when she was dx and maybe they just couldn’t cope with that together. With you it’s different as you are already coping with it, so once you have told him, it’s not really going to change anything about what you do from one day the next ( if you see what I mean ??)
As for me, went on 2nd date last night. All good, but not told him anything about it yet. We were having so much fun I kind of forgot…!!
Anna xx
Hi Annalou really pleased its going well for you at the moment. Your past medical history is very personal and it will evolve on its own in due course, so dont worry about it for the moment, you will know if and when it feels right to tell him and it should not overshadow getting to know each other.
My son who’s now 23 had a brain tumour for which he had surgery and radiotherapy and for which he continues to have to take numerous tablets every day, on which he’s fine. However, he says he makes a point of NOT telling people until he knows them really well as it impacts on how they view him. They are too kind to him and he wants to just be Mark not that boy who has the medication!!!
i think im the opposite to you girls… i was a single mum when i was diagnosed 4 years ago and when i went on any dates i always told my story up front… i just figured if they couldnt cope with it id rather that i knew from the outset instead of developing strong feelings only to be let down if he found it too difficult to deal with.
we are all different in that respect, but do consider if they had been the one to be treated for cancer how you would feel if they kept it from you for a while.
i guess i just like openness… my fiancé and i discussed my diagnosis from the outset and the possibility that BC would maybe come back… not for one minute thinking that 18 months after we got together id have a new primary… but hes been my rock through all of this.
I was dx in Jan 2008 and like you had WLE then rads, am currently on tamoxifen. I too was left with scar and dent. At time of dx I was in a relationship which ended mid way through 2009 (nothing to do with the bc, just wasnt going to go anywhere) and last October I met a new fella. I brought up the subject quite early on in the relationship but the friend who had introduced us had mentioned to him that I had suffered breast cancer although did not go into the details … our 1st talk about BC was very brief, I simply said I had had it but not much more although I do recall the phrase ‘it’s still there tho … the boob that is not the cancer’. My new fella got a lot more info from my facebook page than he got from me, not that I have an issue with talking about it but it did not seem to be a major issue and we had better things to talk about at the time.
Anna, its good that things stood or fell without you having to wonder if it was BC-related or not. I now see why people suggested that you delay. I’m not sure I could have done so (I’ve always had to get things out into the open), but I can see that telling him might have caused unnecessary angst for you.
As you say, onward and upward. There are plenty more fish in the sea and some of them are the good guys we are seeking. Keep smiling and I’m sure they’ll find their way to you.
Anna, so sorry that things didn’t work out for you. Life can be so sad & unfair can’t it. With hindsight, I’m glad you never got round
to the bc issue, it’s ended up being none of his business after all.
Sending you a big hug
xxx
We never even got round to talking about BC !!