New, Scared and All Over the Place!

Hi there

I have been newly diagnosed with bc!! am in massive shock still - had just been headhunted and have worked in the counselling field for a while so when they took me into the counselling room, I knew it wasn’t good!!! - seems that the hormonal changes Ive noticed were not just hormones! I checked my boobs as it is in the female side of my family - infact, as I have now just found out - other than 2 (my mum and her elder sister) EVERY single woman from my mum’s side has had breast cancer!! so glad I went back after our hols to ‘double check’ the odd lumpiness in my right breast and subsequent breast unit checks - its bc! My children (2 boys) and hubby and I are still shellshocked - my eldest is just starting his GCSE’s! - I keep telling myself that there is never a good time to get this dreadful disease and that no-one wants to join this club but am still so shocked!! booked in for mastectomy on 16th Sept with chemo and radiotherapy already lined up afterwards… thought I would come on here to speak with other’s who have joined the club before - hi!

oh REDney, welcome to the club. Its such a bomb blast when you get the news that you have cancer, no matter what type it is or what treatment you are to have. Not just for you but everyone around.

Everyone who talks to new members says the same, it is terrible at the begining. Your brain has had such an emotional shock that you just dont know where you are. After the initial blow begins to wear off you can then go through so many different emotions, and they can come as a surprise. Anger, denial, terror, floods of tears, etc. Everyone is different but as you read through the posts you find that it is the same for everyone. An emotional roller coster.

and it all happens so quick. one minute you are idly wondering about a bit of a lump and the next minute you are booked in for operations and treatments. Its as if its happening to someone else.

But everybody also says that once treatment starts it gets better. Not a bowl of cherries but doable. And you will get a lot of support on here every step of the way.

As you say there is never a good time, but at least by the time the exams come along you will have all had time to adjust to the shock it would have been so much worse if it were just before your sons GCSE’s

Glad you found this site, everyone is so supportive, and it is especially usefull when your friends and family are not there, but your brain is still ticking over and you need to ask questions or just share.

There will be other ladies along soon that have had, or are waiting for mastectomies and chemo and in a better position than me to share their experiences.

REDney I an so sorry to here your news! As oldandlumpy says when the op is out of the way and the chemo starts you will find things a little easier to bare I’m sure. I have had a mastectomy and on 2nd chemo now. The first being not so good but have felt great for several days after the 2nd. You have joined the right place here as most of us know what you are going thru’ and will go thru’. Sometimes, even tho’ you have friends and family around to support you it can still be felt as standing alone as they probably can’t really comprehend the stress of it all as much as they would like to think that they can, but nontheless they are so important.
Sorry you are joining the group but you will get thru’ it all as we do and please don’t hesitate to post with anything you need a bit of understanding with.

Hugs to us all. xxx

Hi REDney,
Again from me, welcome to our club and sorry you’ve had to be here. I’m fairly new as well, I was only diagnosed 3 weeks ago and had my first chemo on Thursday, getting mastectomy and radiotherapy after that so our treatment’s a bit different but hopefully with the same result! It’s all a bit of a whirlwind and still doesn’t feel real.
I’ve found the forums here brilliant so you’re in the right place. It’s great just to speak to others who going through the same and at different stages so it’s good for bouncing questions/fears off others. Don’t be scared to ask anything of everyone because we’re all in the same boat…
Hugs xx

Hi thank you so much for your replies - I hope I haven;t offended anyone by talking about joining the club- I don’t mean it in a derogatory way at all - it’s just my way of trying to box things off maybe!! I’m going with the feelings of ‘one hour’ at a time although up until yesterday - it wavered outrageously minute by minute - I feel a tad calmer now and have started to get my appetite back a little - am trying to eat very healthily to give my body a good chance of recovering after the op. I am a veggie - have been since being 13 - Im now 42 and wondering if this will make a difference - can;t see it doing but thought I’d ask… thank you again for all your lovely words - it is very much appreciated.

Hi there!

Just wanted to let you know that you have come to the right place for help, support and advice. I was diagnosed nearly 1 year ago - I’ve had MX and recon, Chemo and rads and now I’m out the other side. My hair is back, altho short and I’m feeling really good. My daughter has just got her results from her GCSEs and has done brilliantly. So, you CAN do this and you will come out the other side sooner than you think.

Wishing you all the very best. Keep posting, keep busy and keep strong!


wow - thank you Rachel - your words bring me comfort and hope. Like everyone I suppose, I am hating that it has become everything - I usually live life thinking that everything happens for a reason - Im really struggling with what this reason could be!! I suppose it’s a normal reaction… I have found my family and friends to be absolutely amazing - Im lucky to have that.

Thank you again - amazing people on here xx

Hi Redney, sorry you’ve had to join our club but welcome. Pls don’t think you’ve offended anyone by calling it that, we all do! It’s a virtual club that nobody wants to join but the support & knowledge on here is fantastic. I’ve got so much info from the ladies who have already been through it or going through it all. I’ve had 2 ops now & just waiting for chemo & i think taking one day or step at a time is the best way to deal with it, well it is for me anyway. U will be able to deal with it but it’s not easy. It seems very surreal at first as though it must be happening to someone else not u but u do get your head around things quite quickly & as harsh as chemo might be i just want to get on with it so it’s over & done with sooner.
Keep posting on here if u need to or give the helpline a ring, good luck with your op,take care x

REDney, big hugs, what a horrible shock for you all. As OAL says, a bomb’s gone off in your lives and it takes a while for the dust to settle. But kids can be very resilient and I’m sure that by the time the crucial exams come round, they will have got over the initial shock and will have settled into the new needs of dealing with mum.

A couple of tips that I tend to trot out to any newbies I happen across.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SILLY QUESTION. If it bothers you, ask. None of us knew any more than you did three weeks ago and have had to ask questions to find the answers.

Don’t google. You’ll end up scaring yourself to death. Stick to reputable sites.

Use the Helpline as much as you need to. They know what they’re talking about, don’t judge, but are knowledgeable and a great source of information.

Look at the Publications section of this site for bits and pieces.

Get a notebook to write down all your questions, so you don’t worry that you’ve forgotten to ask something.

There’s a site aimed at kids of cancer patients, think it’s called something like “riprap”, that might be something you could direct your boys to.

That’s it for the mo, I’m a bit knackered and heading off to bed but wanted my “fix”.

BTW, BCC forums can be addictive! I’m sure you’ll make some very good friends on here, and sharing your experiences with people at the same stage as you is amazingly supportive. I know for myself I wouldn’t have been able to get through these past few months nearly as well as I have without my wonderful BCC friends, many of whom I am sure will be friends for life.



ooooh, late at night, had a bottle of wine(it disinfects the blood I am told) and about to get mystical.

I have no religion whatsoever. I dont really believe that everything happens for a reason. but it does seem that so often in my life good things happen only because of a chance happening or a snap decision or something like that.

i am not one of these people that think cancer makes you a better person (remember that thread?) but perhaps in the back of my mind I might be willing to believe something weird like if I had not given up drumming for a month i might have gone to a gig and got killed in a car accident or put in a wheel chair on the way home, or me getting cancer might have made a friend more aware and she went for tests before it became life threatening. All a bit spurious I agree, so please dont all you sensible ladies shoot me down in flames. Its just that all through my life odd things have suddenly meant that something wonderful has happened.

this cancer is not wonderful, but who knows what life would have been without it?

hi redney, this club is great, so supportive and informative. I had not felt a lump but was picked up at screening,still could not feel it when I knew where it was. Had my surgery in July, start chemo this week. Oldand lumpy who knows why things happen, they just do and life is too short and precious to get worked up about them, as we all know. the wine sounds like a good idea. I am off to a beer festival tomorrow is that a good disinfectant? Thanks to everyone who replies to messages it makes you feel less alone.
Fi xxx

Fi, hops are fruit, beer counts as one of your five a day! :wink:

Seriously though, the official line is that alcohol increases your chances of getting breast cancer and various other ailments, so you pays yer money and you takes yer choice. (Mine’s a London Pride please!)

It seems the wrong thing to say but Welcome. I had a mastectomy in April and node clearance and about to do my last chemo (yay!). You will find this site invaluable. Its great to have friends and family around to support you but the people on this site understand exactly what you are going through and you can ask absolutely anything or just come on and have a natter or a rant!
All I can say is, for me the surgery was relatively easy … I recovered really quickly and I believe, the fitter and healthier you are, the easier it is for your body to recover.
The chemo on the other hand is slightly harder but nonetheless doable … just plan to do things in your good weeks (usually weeks 2 and 3 after chemo)
I’ve done a sort of Tips list for surgery/chemo/etc for a mate, if you want a copy, message me and I’ll send you it … good luck x

Again - WOW! thank you so much everyone.

When you all post to me, it feels like my mind is slightly eased - Ive tried not to google too much - it really messes with my head so Im not going to do that anymore - today Im thinking about trying to centre myself a little more - in that, allowing myself to just ‘be’ and not to try to do anything else.

One question please - which I think has just been answered for me (thanks Angela) is about excerise - I have automatically started to eat much healthier than I have in years and am having ginger tea as I have read this can be beneficial but Ive only just started to get my appetite back and am feeling very tired (as we found out less than a week ago Im pretty sure some of it is still trauma) but I want to give myself the best chance possible in recovery afterwards so wondered about exercising - I feel like Im sat holding my breath for the op day and wondered about walking every day - would you mind giving me your opinions on this?

thanks in advance…

i have read that a walk of 30 mins every day helps-too much exercise is not a good idea-but am trying to fit this in-don’t know if it will help-but am giving it a go x

hi redney

exercise is good for you… but do listen to your body… if your tired then rest… but eating a good diet and taking exercise will help with your recovery and keep you healthy running up to your treatment.

Lulu xx