Hi Girls, my name is Laura and I am 36. I got diagnosed on wednesday and I am terrified. I live in South Wales but i am from Glasgow. I am married to my gorgeous second Hubby Paul and I have two beautiful girls who are 13 and eleven. I am still in such shock here.
I had a thickened area and to cut a long story short, on Wednesday I went to the one stop clinic at 9.15 am and before lunch, I walked out knowing I have 2 types of cancer, DCIS and an invasive one. They took 5 biopsies and I am sore but to be totally honest it is my emotions that are worse than the pain. WE have to go back monday to discuss treatment plan and masectomy etc. I seriously NEVER expected this. My Mum died when I was 15 and I am terrified for my babies. I feel that it has spread everywhere and I am extremely negative. I can deal with no boob, treatmeant and all that but I HAVE to be here for my girls. Sorry to moan girls as you are all going through this but I am feeling a wee bit better for just typing these words. I havent told the girls and plan to monday when I know whats happening. I am dreading it. Have had friends visit today and a few white wines so feel a bit calmer, I still can’t take it all in xxx
Thank you Darling, this is such a surreal experience!!! Normal life just stopped on wednesday, weird, weird, weird. Dreading telling the girls but glad I have found this forum, this is a great place to sound off.
Hi Laura,
dont try to take it all in at once - you just cant comprehend what it all means. I was diagnosed in December and have had surgery and radiotherapy. Not knowing what is going to happen - this period of uncertainty - is by far and away the worst time. Once you know what they are planning for you, it does feel easier to deal with, one step at a time. Then there is a small victory every time you get thorugh things. I finished my rads yesterday and i feel like I scored a winning goal or something!
2 pieces of advice - First dont Google. There is so much worrying and frightening shit online - most of it is not true and it will do your head in. Secondly, even if you dont feel like posting on here, read the forums - they are full of brilliant advice and positive stories. i still remember the first time i read about someone on here who had been living for 10 yrs after diagnosis of secondaries! At the time i thought I had weeks to live -so to read things like that were just incredible.
Im no expert - but if you want to PM me any time - go aheead.
Love light peace to you my love
Hiya. I was diagnosed at 32 with a 2 and 1 yr old and i totally understand the terror that is leaving your children. I cant offer any advice apart from you do get through it one step at a time and children are suprisingly resilient and matter of fact.I dont think i would have kept it together without my children and they have given me a reason to loose 2st and become a runner despite everything thst has gone on.
Laura,
So sorry that you have to join us here but I promise you will find good friends and the kind of support that only people in the same situation can give. This is the hardest time of all. Once you have your treatment plan in place you will be surprised by your own strength.
I think the word invasive may be frightening you but it only means the cancer is outside the duct and not necessarily that it has got any further. My own large invasive tumour hadn’t got to my lymph nodes.
Don’t imagine things are worse than they are. Whatever the case, we are lucky to be living in a time when there are so many weapons against this horrible disease. I had a mastectomy in November 2011 and recovered so quickly that I started chemotherapy in December. My last dose will be at the end of this month and will be followed by radiotherapy for three weeks.
None of it is pleasant, but there are good days as well as bad and everyone will tell you it is doable.
It’s never easy to tell your children. My sons are all in their thirties and it still took me a week to tell my youngest because he lives far away and had no-one else from the family nearby. You will find a way to tell your girls and as long as you keep them informed about what will be happening they will manage. They are old enough to be helpful in the house on days when you will be feeling tired.
Be good to yourself. You are still in shock at this stage. It will be a relief to you when everyone close to you knows and can give you some support.
Good luck for Monday.
Sending you hugs,
Kathleen
Thank you all for your lovely comments. I am going to rock my babies world when I tell them, but we plan to do it in a positive manner. It is amazing what you can do for your kids when you have to. After being diagnosed on wednesday and having all my 5 biopsies done, I managed to keep it together and went to see my little Steffi who is 11 appear in a production of the Sound of music, she was playing Marta Von Trapp, the second youngest girl…of course she was amazing, i cried tears of pride and tears of fear from just being told I had this horrible C word. What a strange day, I had looked forward to this show for nine months, but the earlier news in a way spoiled it. The song “climb every mountain” was so poignant. So lovely to be on here talking to people, hope you are all having a nice saturday night. Got a loudly snoring hubby on thesofa next to me, he is whacked after watching Wales win the grand slam!!!He is one happy Welsh man tonight, what a shame this news has to spoil it, never mind, onwards and upwards xxx
Another south wales lady here! I am 38 (was 37 when DX in nov) and have a 3 and 4 year old - this time you will probably find the worst - waiting for the full picture of DX and treatment plans is much harder than dealing with the reality of treatment. I had WLE and SNB, now 4 of 6 through chemo with radiotherapy to follow. It really is doable!!
I teach 11-16 year olds so although my girls are too young to really understand my students are a different story and have been great - one of my form pupil’s mum has BC as well - DX in about sept and he has really coped brilliantly even through his gcse work. Although it will be difficult you can get through this!!
Oh Marina, poor you. You have such young kids, you must be knackered. I live in Caldicot and found out at the Gwent, they did seem very nice. My girls are year 7 and 9 at Caldicot comp and I have already told their head of years as we may have emotional outbursts etc The teachers were fab, really caring and i said we can work together to ensure that the girls accept this and can cope. I was told that they can arrange counselling for the girlies if needed. So Marina, are you feeling a bit stronger now, are you able to work??? xxx
Hi Laura - such a scary place to be, but as others have said, it’s easier when you know what you’re dealing with. I had my first lump 14 years ago and when I was waiting for test results, someone asked me how I was coping… I replied that I was choosing to think positive, but every so often I wondeored how the children would manage without me. Said, intuitive male (not!) just told me “not to think like that”… mmmm… Sorry - that was the truth! So, if your fear suddenly overwhelms you, you’re quite normal! That particular lump (for me) was OK, but I had one that wasn’t last year, and have had mastectomy, chemo and radiotherapy. As otheors have also said, don’t trawl the internet… stick to reliable sites like this one and the MacMillan site. Also - take everything that’s available. Use your breast care nurses… ask any question you have (there’s no such thing as a silly question)… accept friends offers of help (if there are any) and don’t be afraid to ask (if there aren’t)… and… we’re here for you. Must be hard to be so far from haem… Jane x
Thanks Jane, I left Glasgow when I was 19, lived in London then Brighton and moved to South Wales when i married my lovely Paulie 7 years ago. Apart from him, I have no family at all but I do have WONDERFUL friends, who are all going to help. It is waves of emotions, we are going out to lunch with my girlies but I could see it far enough, should i be making memories, i dont know. Think you’re right will feel better tomorrow, thanks you all girls xxx
Just to echo what everyone else has said about not googling. Also bear in mind that everyone’s experience and treatment plan is different. I had DCIS and a small invasive area (4 mm) and had a mastectomy, but my lymph nodes were clear and I didn’t have chemo. I only had rads because there was a bit of DCIS very close to the chest wall and she couldn’t get a clear margin. I’m really glad I had a mastectomy because I know it’s all gone and I can get on with my life. So I know it’s really difficult but don’t imagine the worst and when you go on Monday if there is anything you don’t understand - ask. You’ll be assigned a breast care nurse and if you think of something once you get home ring her, she’s there to help you through this. Keep popping back here and let us know how you get on, we’re all here for you.
Hi Laura
It’s like a whirlwind when you’re first dx, isn’t it? I was 38 with girls aged 4 and 2, and like many others my first thought was of them, would I see either go to school, etc…but here I am 4 years later.
Glad you’re getting treatment plan on Monday, it does make it easier when you know what’s going to happen. And this site is a lifeline. I have come on many times and always found support. Only thing I’d say is only read about the bit you’re on at the moment, going too far ahead can be rather overwhelming.
Early days are tough, but please know that the love and support on here is like the feelings that you have with your children, unconditional and ever present! So many Ladies with so much experience and guidance.
You are an individual and unique; once you get beyond the initial shock, fear and questions, you will find your way through this
Hey Laura,
and ‘hallo rer’ fae a strangely sunny Glasgow!!
I have been diagnosed same as you, invasive & DCIS. Had all sorts of scans, biopsies etc in last 6 weeks, (amazing treatment) at ‘The Vicky’ and although spread to lymph nodes on one side it has not spread anywhere else. The Docs are saying curable. Like you, they talkin double masectomy after chemo. I started FEC-T Chemo 9 days ago and have felt absolutly fine…in fact feel like a fraud, as everyone was expecting me to be ill!! Maybe early days, but I am an optimist! The very word cancer strikes fear in everyone. The early stages of diagnosis are a rollercoaster time, you are desperate for results but scared to hear them. Please know that breast cancer is one of the most treatable forms of cancer. We have a fantastic treatment service in this country & you will get the best available, regardless of cost. Chin up hen, you’ve got good Scot blood in you, we are natural fighters!! lol x
MFB- Loved your comments, I know that this site is going to be my bestmate, amazing support already, thank you xxx
Luluspice, the vicky eh?? I am from Merrylee which is a stones through away. feeling positive tonight but at the same time terrified about tomorrow. You have been through the mill but you are going to beat this awful thing doll!!!
Have had a lovely day, been to the Harvester for lunch , chicken and ribs combo, the cancer hasn’t seemed to affect the appetite!!! Not today anyway, even managed a wee bar of green and blacks tonight. Hope all you girls have had a positive, restful and lovely weekend xxx
Hi Laura
As the girls have already said, we are all friends on here and understand exactly how you feel.
Like you I had DCIS and a small amount of invasive (14mm) . I had a mastectomy and reconstruction followed by 6 lots of chemo.
Back in my life previous to this the very word cancer really did relate to other people. You know you read a magazine about a poor victim and feel sorry for them , then move on to whats happening with Victoria and David.
Things like this happned to other people and then wham bam , i’m sitting in a room and i’m hearing words like cancer, mastectomy,chemo and crying about my hair.
Well it does happen to people like this and I promise you Laura as scary as it sounds, breast cancer IS very treatable AND although you will feel very scared at the moment , you WILL feel normal again and carry on with your life.
I did have sickness with chemo but then they gave me a wonderful drug called EMEND , it was fab.
I felt a bit icky (bit like early pregnancy) for about a week but was able to carry on as normal AND i never looked ill.
Also if you are having a mastectomy , please be assured that its not as bad as you might imagine.
And when I lost my hair, yes I did cry once but it really is only hair AND I loom damm good with my now skin head! In fact people have been amazed how good !!(thanks mum and Dad for giving me a nice shaped head!)
You will get through this Petal and remember your children will deal with it the way you do. When I was going to loose my hair I lauged about it to my son.
Also no one could tell as I had a great wig .
Lots of love
Sarah xxx
Sarah, you have the most fantastic outlook, love it. I love your attitude Girl!!!Please god we have good news tommorow, ie its just breast cancer, I am convinced its everywhere. Will let all you gorgeous girls know tomorrow.
Don’t care about boobs, treatment, scars or anything else. I just want to live and enjoy my gorgeous Hubby and my fabulous girls, thank you Sarah for your encouraging words, it means such a lot xxxx