New you v old you - life work balance + career

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Hi all,

Anyone out there who feels torn between new you and old (pre bc) you?

 

I’m just under 1.5 years post rads and extreme anaemia, had rather shocking experience upon returning to work (employer who thought I should be back to 40 hrs a week, plus 2 hours travel a day, in 2 weeks), and battling that impacted on my well being during my return. There was a restructure meaning I’d have to report to one of the individuals who was dreadful on my return. Hence did some calculations and decided to go from full time (working from home a tad) to part time towards the end of last year.

 

I intended to go part time, not look for new jobs until late 2016, and use the extra me-time to improve recovery/health, try to keep as low stress as pos, catch up with all the DIY  and friends etc.

 

My job won’t last forever since it is project delivery limited - hence was aware the part time angle could be part of my job search/exit strategy at the end of 2016, possibly 2017, whenever it happens.

 

The old me dilemma v new me dilemma arose when I saw a job, much more senior, which I thought I would stand a fairly good chance of getting. Type of job where it would be a lot of work and stressful, certainly to start off with. I applied,  then a friend spotted another senior job. I am now in a total quandary about how much stress and change I should take on when I’m still in the higher chance of reoccurrence stages. One job is open to job share, the other made no such mention. I still get very tired at times. The music stopped with bc when I was in my current job, which I initially only took temporarily, bit of a side step, albeit I’ve now been there much longer than initially intended!

 

Really interested to hear anyone’s new you v old you stories or dilemmas - had been doing quite well till this got into my thinking this week! That progress ahead old you versus the take time, pace yourself, less stress post bc you. Don’t necessarily want to step back forever but no point being an x, Y, Z if you kick the bucket much much sooner!

 

As a side confusion also still thinking of having a reduction on one side since surgery n radio left me v lop sided…timing, new employers, whirl…

 

Seabreeze

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Hi Seabreeze

 

Before I had cancer someone selfish repeatedly took advantage of my soft nature and even after I was diagnosed it was obvious that they weren’t going to stop. One day I felt so angry that I finally snapped and told this person to get lost. Once I had done that I realised how much stress they had been putting me under because it was as though a great big weight had fallen from my shoulders. Nowadays I have a hair-trigger temper and I can explode like a powder keg - I even frighten myself sometimes! I don’t pussyfoot around with manipulators I kick their butts because believe me they are not delicate little flowers whose sensibilities may be offended, they are sociopaths, plain and simple and will chew you up and spit you out if you let them. So the answer to your question is yes, I’m a very different person now - and what’s more I’m glad!  

 

As for your work dilemma, cancer has taught me that money isn’t everything. You can’t put a price on your health. Life is short, as long as you can pay the bills choose what makes you happy. These are the things you have said “battling impacted on my well being” and “I still get really tired” and “try to keep as low stress as possible”. When I look back on my working life the only thing I regret is remaining in jobs that made me feel unhappy. Listen to what your own voice is telling you.

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Hi Seabreeze

 

My experience and comments are different from Flora’s, just to add more confusion!

 

I am 2.5 years post treatment and also feel an old me - new me divide. However I feel more laid back although like Flora I do not suffer fools but just take it in my stride. Things that I would have found hard to deal with I just get on with these days without agonising over it. I did find it took a while post treatment to get back into my stride and like you the tiredness was an issue and I thought it wouldn’t get better. I wouldn’t say I don’t get tired anymore, because I do. But I would say that it is less frequent and I actually find the more I do the better I feel.

 

The worries about reocurrence, well, anything really could happen to any of us at any time so we can just deal with whatever turns up when the time comes. Life is really too unpredicatble at the best of times to try and plan around one particular scenario, this is how I feel now.

 

So I would say - go get the job that you can do as a job share, it sounds ideal, it will stretch you and increase your confidence in your abilities and you will also have lots of ‘me’ time - what could be better?

 

Good luck with the decision, let us know the outcome.

 

Take care.

 

Mary

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Hi Seabreeze :slight_smile:

 

Hope you don’t mind if I chip in with my two-penn’th because I’ve had the whole before vs after BC thing too but a different experience to others.  

 

I had finished the latest in a series of fairly high pressure jobs and was taking a few months off to help my recently bereaved Dad (and missing my Mum myself of course) when BC hit.  When I returned to work 6 months ago I deliberately chose a much smaller job in a much smaller organisation.  The job is just lovely: great location, fantastic colleagues, no stress or pressure and…yup, I’m bored witless and can’t wait to get back to something more challenging! :womanlol: I was luckier than most in that my treatment was just WLE and radiotherapy and I only had the most minor of side effects to deal with so not comparable to your situation but I do wish I had had a bit more faith in my ability to cope with the world of work and taken on something a bit bigger.  It doesn’t matter too much as I’ll just find myself a new job now but just wanted to offer you a slightly different perspective.

 

Hope you find a work life balance that suits you

x

Sharon

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Hello AC,
I totally understand where you are and your desire to move forward. I can highly recommend the Living Well course at the Penny Brohn Centre, or accessing similar courses via Breast Cancer Care, Macmillan, The Haven or Maggies Centres. I learnt more about these other services when at the Penny Brohn Centre, a beautiful calming place.
You are only just out the other side, well done on recognising the additional support.
Good luck and feedback if you wish.
LL xx

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Hi Lovely Ladies,

 

This is my first time contacting you all - although I have read various threads regularly for nearly a year now.

 

I ‘sailed’ through my breast cancer- diagnosis, op, radiotherapy etc.

It was after it all finished that my life fell apart!

I stopped work at the end of week 2 of radiotherapy-and returned 2months later.

Returning to work was my biggest hurdle - have now reduced my hours from 30 to 16p/w- but still find everything difficult. 

 

The ‘new you v old you’ is a phrase that sums it up completely.

 

I am undergoing counselling through my hospital - which is great, I have so much faith in my counsellor.

But it is when I am not with her my doubts and fears come through.  -

 

Will I ever settle back into work? Should I retire? (I am 60), Will we cope financially? Why do I feel different than before this wretched cancer came about? Will I ever feel ‘normal’ again?

Why, why ,why has this made such an impact on my life?

 

I am not expecting any of you to give me answers, basically I have found it reassuring to hear that MAYBE I am not losing it and other women feel the same as myself - if only I had some idea as to how long it will be before I feel happy with my life again.

 

Everything I have read on this forum I have found amazing - you are truly a brave and inspirational group of 

ladies.

THANK YOU

Shervale xx