Newbie here, mum has bc

Four weeks ago, my mum was recalled for a mammogram and told 2 days before she turned 60, that there was a small cancer there. They took a biopsy, and referred her to a consultant. A week later mum had surgery and when the consultant did the op, he found the lump was deeper than he had thought. And he was only planning to take a few nodes for biopsy, but they were enlarged, so he did a clearance. We went back on Monday to see the consultant and he said the good news was the nodes were clear of cancer and the breast lump was localised and hadn’t spread. But. It is stage 3 cancer and she will now need chemotherapy. We are all just gutted. The consultant had said at the initial app that radiotherapy was needed, and chemo wasn’t needed. Now after the op, it’s more serious. Mum terrified of what’s to come, and so are we. Thank you for reading this, any advice would be greatly appreciated x

Hi middle daughter, my mum was diagnosed two weeks ago today, she is in her late sixties. SHe has stage 2 invasive 4 cm tumour. We have been told at the moment they cancer is to big to do a lumpectomy so she is having special hormone tablets to try and reduce the lump, otherwise it will be a full mastectomy. We are still in total shock. She has been told she needs radiotheraphy but not chemo. We were not entirely happy with this diagnosis so she has been referred to the Royal Marsden and we are waitng to see what they suggest. I am like you in massive shock and the whole thing is so upsetting.

Hi Jules, I had read your thread, but didn’t want to hijack it.
Hope your mum gets better advice at the hospital. My mum is also as you describe yours, “a lovely mum”. My head is so mixed up. I swing from being super-positive to thinking what she would want at her funeral. Terrible I know. I have 2 sisters and a brother and my dad, and we’re all just open-mouthed with shock at the moment. In 4 weeks, our lives have completely fallen apart. I know Cancer doesn’t mean the end of the world, but at the moment I just can’t see a way through it. Mum is just small and frightened and very very tired looking. She says she just wants to see the grandchildren grow up, and that just breaks my heart.

Hi Middledaughter and welcome to the forums. I am sorry to read of your Mum’s diagnosis and realise that this must be a very difficult and frightening time for you and your family, I just wanted to say that you and your Mum are very welcome to call our confidential helpline to talk things through with one of our helpliners, they can offer you support and a ‘listening ear’. The number is 0808 800 6000 and it’s open Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat 9am-2pm.

Best wishes

Hi middledaughter, I know exactly what you are going through/feeling, one minute you feel positive and then you are full of doom. I have just been walking around m & s looking for a gift for my mum. Since her diagnosis I buy her flowers gifts etc weekly just to let her know how much I care. I was walking around the bra department and suddenly felt my eyes fill up with tears. I was doing ok and then something sets me off. My mum never mentions anything about herself and her worries, she just says she is fine and we are not to keep going on about it as she wants to try and forget it (as if) she told me the other day how precious me and my sister were to her and that was it, floods of tears. She like your mum, looks tired and very vulnerable and I just want to protect her and take it all away.

I phoned the breast cancer line today and actually felt worse after speaking to someone because it became real again! Come and say hi whenever you are on, as I think it helps having others to support each other who know what each other is going through.


Hi middledaughter and jules,

One of BCC’s publications, ‘In it together’, is mostly aimed at partners of people diagnosed with breast cancer but you may find some of the information it contains relates to your situations and be of some help. You can either download a copy or order one on line. The link is as follows:

I hope this helps you both.

Jules I’m sorry to hear that after talking to the helpline you actually felt worse and am sure the staff wouldn’t have wanted you to feel this way. Do phone them again if you feel they can assist you at all.

Kind regards,
Jo, Facilitator

Hi Jo, thanks for the link. Have requested a copy of "In it together"as it will also be useful for dad.(as men seem to have the knack of saying the wrong thing. Or worse, nothing at all.)Have also noted the telephone number. But right now, mum is not up for chatting. She talks to the Breast Care nurses at the hospital, they are fantastic. I think once the treatment kicks off, she may need the support. Have also noted info about Headstrong, which I will contact for Mum, and get support for when her hair comes out. Thank you for the information and support Jo xx
Jules, I know how you feel about the buying gifts. I have also been doing that. If I had enough money to buy a magic wand and wave all this away, I would gladly do it. Somehow. I have been buying silly things, like sweets that she likes and a plant today for Easter. I had bought Mum a “name a Rose” thing for her 60th birthday, and then she got the diagnosis and she is too emotionally fragile to name it. I think she is afraid she will die and the rose needs to have a nice name…
Just chatting on here helps enormously, thanks x

Hi Middledaughter.

Hope you have had a good Easter. Mine started off really good, but ended up being spoilt. I have woken up today just feeling yuk. Everything seems to be under a big black cloud. My mum was being her usual brave self over the weekend, and it breaks my heart.

How were things with you.

Jules xx

Hi Jules, easter was bit of a wash-out for us too. Everything just seems tainted now. Does that sound daft? I’m trying to do nice things for mum, but hoping she doesn’t think it’s because I don’t think she’ll be here next year. ( if you know what I mean?) I’m also having good and bad days. Mum saw the oncologist on tuesday and that just confused us both. he just rattled off statistics to us. basically he said if mums tumour (that was removed) isn’t HER2 receptive, she can decide if she wants to go ahead and have chemo(?) as it will only give her an extra 2% chance of it not coming back. As her odds are quite good. but if it does come back HER2 receptive, chemo is the best option. She is so confused. Does she have the chemo to get that extra 2%, or take the risk of cancer returning at a later date, and regretting not having the chemo. She was quite resigned to having chemo after the surgeon said it was stage3, now the choice is hers…
Sorry to rattle on, hope you are feeling better and thanks for replying Mxx

Goodness, that sounds very confusing, all the terms they use totally confused me at times! I don’t know what to say, but if her odds are really good anyway, chemo is so barbaric and will put he body under such a strain. I would like to know how the hell they come to the figure of 2 per cent. I mean sounds silly but one per cent is so little and its only one per cent more than that. Sorry if I am rambling, but I think if it was me I would think long and hard before putting myself through the traumas of chemo, but we are all different. Your poor mum what a dilema. My easter started off ok, but the whole family seem to be so stressed out and silly rows seem to be happening. (not me but other members of my family) and that and my friend being the way she is I feel totally pants!

Hope your poor mum can decide bless her.

HUgs xxxx