Your experience strikes a chord with my own. I too found many of the tests painful, how nice it would be at the time to be forewarned! Oh yes I was so angry, bottled it all up and frequently didn’t tell anyone how I was feeling. Writing down my musings helped me no end.
At appointments my surgeon encouraged me to let the anger out and I found having my partner with me at all appointments was imperative, he heard everything and remembered so much more than me. Also at appointments asking to record conversations is a really good idea, arm yourself with any questions you want answers to.
I still struggle to answer intrusive questions from the few people I have told, my partner frequently steps in and shuts them down for me as I often can’t cope with repeating all the details myself.
I am now a year after 2 surgeries and radiotherapy and do occasionally get angry, social media can be especially triggering so I choose folks and subjects to follow carefully.
Take care, you are in my thoughts.
I was in the same position as you in Dec 23. I work at the hospital so went down during work to the breast clinic, altho unlike you in the back of my mind, i think i knew. They told me there and then and i remember saying to them but how can you be sure when biopsies will need to come back and they just looked me in the eye and said, we co this day in day out we know what cancer looks like and we are 99% sure yours is cancer. Hearing the words floored me! I then had a long wait between Christmas and New Year to find out if it would kill me. Thankfully im still here and they got it all out. HER2 Positive and lymph node metastasis.
Keep strong and remember youve got a family here and look out for local support groups.
Good luck x
I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow. The waiting really is the worst part. I had my first abnormal mammogram in 30 years last year and I knew it had to be cancer. I got an email letter from the clinic the very next day that I needed further testing. Then I had to wait a week to hear from my GP.
After getting no call back from my GP, I went to the office and I was like Shirley MacLaine in Terms of Endearment demanding some answers. Then I waited 2 weeks for the next mammogram and a week for the biopsy and another week for the appointment with the surgeon.
They tend to pat us on the head and tell us not to worry. Of course we’re going to worry! I think women are the strongest creatures on the planet. Every one of us here is a warrior. We stick together and we’re here to listen any time night or day. We’re all getting strength and compassion from each other. You’ve got this!
Oh bless you. Its perfectly normal to feel every emotion under the sun including anger. As soon as the big C word is even suggested let alone confirmed your head just goes crazy and emotions go haywire. Its coming up to nearly 2 years since I was told I have stage 4 and I still howl occasionally.
It starts with a lump or a dent. Mammogram. Scans. Biopsies . More scans. And all of a sudden everyones an expert…not…and putting their two pennys worth of advice in.
The waiting is the worst time. Hope it all goes well for you. Sending hugs
Got my results yesterday and yes it’s definitely cancer. Ductal, grade 2, ER+ & HER2-. and lymph node positive. I’m having an mri & ct scan this weekend. The surgeon thinks it will be a lumpectomy, radiotherapy & chemo, maybe chemo before surgery. They’ll give me a proper plan of action after the scans at my next appointment on 3rd March. So now I know. And yes I do feel relieved to know and have a (sort of) plan of action. Feeling calm in myself but my mind is a whirlpool of emotions and information, almost left the house without my glasses on the other day! That’s how I know I’m not really as calm as I seem, basic tasks are challenging 
I’m having a lazy day today cos I’m full of cold. Really glad we have this forum 
Glad to hear that you have your results now (obviously not at all glad that it is cancer though) and that you are feeling somewhat relieved to have answers. It really is all the emotions and so much to take in. I think there is a kind of diagnosis brain fog that tries to protect you from having to deal with it all at once. I felt weirdly calm when the pathology confirmed what they had already told me but I did have a 2am panic meltdown thinking about the reality of it all. I guess the emotions are up and down and all over the place at the start- like a whirlpool as you say!
It seems those scans are being done quickly and hopefully they have your treatment plan starting soon after your appointment in March. Rest up on your lazy day and I hope that cold passes soon.