Hi, yesterday I went to the breast clinic as I had been referred by my GP. I had a lump on my left breast and a dent. I’ve had cysts in the same area before and this lump has behaved like a cyst , changing with my cycle ect. So that’s what I assumed it was. Obviously the dent was a concern. Anyway the bcn said she thought it felt a bit odd, they did the mammogram and the ultrasound, said it looked suspicious and did a biopsy. The biopsy hurt like hell which I didn’t expect and they also took a needle sample from a lymph node cos that looked dodgy too. The way they were talking was like they already know it’s cancer. I have an appointment next week for results and a plan of action.
I feel blindsided. I didn’t know biopsy’s hurt that much. And I didn’t know that they would know it was cancer before the results came back. I read a lot on here last night and it seems that’s quite common.
Yesterday I felt shocked but quite pragmatic. I’m normally a ‘let’s get on with it’ type of person. This morning I’ve woken up (hardly slept really) and I’m angry. Furious actually but I don’t know what I’m angry at! And I can’t stop crying.
Everyone is being very nice and send love, wishing me well ect ect and this is making me angrier which is really ungrateful I know. I’m a really private person and now it feels like everyone (it’s not really everyone) knows my business. Plus my routine of work and life in general is disrupted which is also effing annoying.
Anyway thanks for reading if you got this far. Needed to off load xx
Hi
I know exactly how you are feeling, I got called back from a routine mammogram knowing I had numerous cysts, ( too many to count I was once told), so blindly went in thinking this would be the same. They did another mammogram, ultrasound and did eight biopsies, of which a couple of them I had never felt pain like it.
They didn’t tell me it was cancer but my BCN kept saying she liked to prepare for the worse so I guess looking back they knew what they were looking at.
Your emotions and anger will be all over the place at the moment, so just prioritise you and look after yourself, everything else can wait including work if you’re not up to it.
Lots of people will respond to you on here
Wishing you well, you don’t know anything for sure at this stage until they tell you what they have found.
Take care
Xx
Hello
I’m so sorry you are in this situation . At Breast clinic screening my BCN told me it was most probably cancer albeit very small and early in order to prepare me. I also made the mistake of telling some people I was going for a second screening ( usually talking about stuff makes me less anxious about it) then after I was told it was probably cancer I ended up going off sick as I couldn’t face them. I’m also quite a private person and don’t have much of a social media profile . However at least if people know now you won’t have to think about how to tell them. Whole you are feeling so emotional it might be best to avoid anyone who really annoys you if you can as you may end up saying something you have to apologise for later.
Your anger is a completely natural reaction - when a friend told me to think positive I nearly bit her head off - I know she meant well . Best advice I can give you if you need to cry then cry find some way if you can to help channel your emotions. Open water swimming Yoga and walks helped me . I was able to find a bit of joy in those things that helped me to get through until the next day when I could do something else that gave me a bit of joy. It’s just a day at a time really and don’t Google or look through too many topics on here until you know what you’re dealing with as that will just make you more anxious and a lot of the content may turn out to not even apply to you anyway.
Hang in there xx
As has already been said your anger is totally normal and understandable - and I think we are right to feel angry. I certainly felt so angry I would drive in the car and scream as hard as I could with tears streaming down my face - heaven knows what fellow motorists thought.
I also limited the number of people who knew so I wasn’t bombarded with questions (I then got my husband to deal with any messages and calls so
I didn’t need to repeat what I didn’t know!
I also called the lovely breast care nurses here and literally broke my heart to one of them about how scared I was - please consider giving them a call - I’m not one for chatting through my feelings but they were superb and talked me off the ledge. I also got some diazepam from my GP who was also great, so I would also recommend speaking to them if you can.
You’re in the worst part of it right now - waiting for whatever the diagnosis will be, but it will get better (I didn’t believe it when people told me this) but you will be more in control once you have a plan.
xx
Hello @twinks77
So sorry you’re feeling like this at the moment.
You’re not alone. Lots of support on here.
I found this site so helpful.
I found a lump December, like you biopsy’s
Ultrasound & Mammograms.
I was told straight away it was cancer. But had to wait 3 weeks over Christmas for full results of full diagnosis with grade & stage with treatment plan.
It’s all so very overwhelming for your moment.
I felt exactly the same as you, it’s normal to feel that way.
Once you get your results & treatment plan & you have more informations it will help you process it better.
Hope you get some positive news.
Sending hugs 
X
Right here with you Twinks77. I feel your anger and it is ok to feel all that you are feeling right now. It is just such a crappy disease and it is just a rubbish situation to be in but it is good you are reaching out and talking to people here who are in a similar situation to get some support.
I was also at the clinic this week and told my lump was suspicious and highly likely of cancer and I was shocked at how quickly and confident they were just from the ultrasound and mammogram scans. The kind woman who did my biopsy got me a cup of tea after it so I should’ve known it was not good news. From going to the GP to soon after being told it was cancer and talking about treatment plans, my head is just spinning as I am sure yours must be. I’m not going to tell you to be positive but try and just think of getting through one step at a time. Be kind to yourself to feel whatever you need to right now. It is so hard.
I also very much agree with you about the biopsy. The local anaesthetic injection was painful and the jarring/snapping noise of the contraption was hideous- she actually joked to me that a man must’ve invented it as I was bawling my eyes out while she was doing it.
Although I am just an internet stranger I am thinking of you. Please know that you are not alone.
Hi @twinks77,
I think anger is totally normal. I remember my visit to the breast clinic after finding a lump and being referred. I went alone, very relaxed. After the mammogram and US, they did biopsy and then sat me down to say it was likely to be cancer but wed need to wait 2 weeks for results to be sure. I’d assume that they wouldn’t make that announcement if they werent pretty sure. I left in a daze. It was many months before I cried, but a couple of days later, i felt like you. Angry.
Once you know the pathology, you will get a treatment plan. This is reassuring as you know what will happen, when and why. I felt much better when i had my plan and knowing that it was treatable.
Breast Cancer Now have support for every stage of treatment and this forum is incredible. As you are a private person, use this forum. Everyone on here understands, so share your feelings on here confidentially.
Wishing you all the best for results day x
Thanks everyone 
this waiting is the worst. Like you’ve all said, once the results come back and the treatment plan is explained to me I’ll probably feel a bit better. X
I’m in a similar situation and I’m assuming therefore it’s all fairly normal, went for my mammogram and biopsy convinced I had a child related headbutting injury pre Christmas and during my biopsy the nurse asked whether they could also biopsy my lymph nodes and whether I was alone, I just burst into tears. She encouraged me to ask someone to come with me for my results and I just knew. I sat in my car and sobbed. This week’s been limbo as my CT scan isn’t until Tuesday and I’m still having pain since the biopsy which is making me flit between normality and abject panic and anger at feeling left. This week’s been hard. I don’t have a good poker face. I’m not much use to you but you are not alone x.
It’s shocking isn’t it @ktg2025 . Have you had your results back yet or do you have to have a CT first? I also had a dodgey looking lymph node which they biopsied too. Just adds another layer of fear doesn’t it. Hopefully you don’t have to wait too long for your ct & results.
I’m so sorry your having to go through this. My story was slightly different at the start as I had two sisters who previously had been diagnosed with breast cancer and they were, like you, pretty much told they had cancer even before biopsy results. When I got a call back from mammogram I expected the same. Instead I was sent away with a little hope that it might just be related to cysts. Side note - I agree that the biopsies were bloody sore! When I came back the following week I was surprised to hear it was cancer - lobular which is harder to detect with mammogram and ultrasound. Since then it’s been a rollercoaster of appointments and waiting. I recently had mastectomy and DIEP reconstruction. Feeling much more hopeful now that things are moving and I’m not in limbo anymore. I wish you well in your journey. I just wanted to reassure that any emotions you are experiencing are normal and will pass. The anger will not be there for ever. X
I’ve been diagnosed with triple negative BC node positive which again just all feels very unfair currently (not that it’s ever fair for anyone) but I have to wait for the CT scan to check it’s not anywhere else. They said as it’s 2cm and only a few cells in node they think it’s unlikely but yeah it’s just the fear if the unknown and the waiting does a number on you and it’s hard to not Google despite knowing damm well it’s all percentages with no clear best course of action or even context and you absolutely should stay away. The seemed very certain they would have a plan in place very quickly for me and haven’t rushed me back since my MRI which I have to believe is positive but yeah I’m just super aware of every twinge.
I think your feelings of anger are totally valid. I had a biopsy just before Christmas and was told I’d have to wait three weeks for the results because of Christmas delays. By the end of Christmas I had pretty much planned my funeral! I’m was in a dark place, worried about how bad it would be and what would happen to my children.
I found calling the breast cancer now nurse helpline SO helpful. I sobbed down the phone to her and she was so lovely and talked me through everything. I found it helpful to assume that it was cancer (I knew from the way the consultant and nurses had spoken to me at the breast clinic) and then think about the possible treatment courses. By the time I went for my results in January I was actually relieved to have it confirmed and find out a treatment plan. I literally haven’t felt anxious since then.
This really is the worst time while you are waiting because it’s the unknown. It’s totally understandable to feel upset, angry, anxious, hard done by, all of it!
Sending you lots of love
Hi twinks77 - can’t say it any better than has already been said. We get it; please scream, shout, let it out. We are here - this is where you can & you know that we get it, deep, deep down. Best wishes, good luck & love Axx
I am currently in a similar position to you and it’s horrible. I have a lump that I got checked out last April and it wasn’t any cause for concern. I had both a mammogram and ultrasound. Fast forward a few month and the lump has grown, I initially put it down to losing weight (intentionally). Yesterday I went to the breast clinic, they did another mammogram and ultrasound. The ultrasound showed up an additional anomaly in my lymphnode, they took a biopsy of both. I was seen by the consultant again at the end of the assessment who told me that it looked worrying and gave me an appointment in 2 weeks to discuss the results and treatment programme. She never said it could be benign and gave the impression the biopsy was to determine the type and grade, she advised that I take someone with me to that appointment. I think this is going to be the longest 2 weeks, my head is all over the place. I hope you are doing as ok as possible xx
In late August 24 I had my usual Mamo and ultrasound. I always look at the screen with the tech before I leave. My little calcium dot was now a zigzagging line!! The radiologist made an appointment for biopsy before I left. Yes they had that tone and look. Biopsy really hurt, breast in Mamo machine and getting stabbed. Started to pass out. Radiologist calls on 9/11. It is the “do you have a minute call” positive for lobular cancer. MRI needed; found another spot. Another biopsy not so bad this time; positive!!
Cried for days, sleep , what’s that?! Had no more tears to shed. Research lots of research. Visit with surgeon and plastic surgeon. Decided on bilateral mastectomy. ( glad I did tissue samples from surgery showed same in right breast that had not been detected) Get this sh—out of me , no more breast biopsies. 11/6 surgery;scared; just want this over and move on. Surgery was easy. No reconstruction. 8 more surgeries to fill a bra not for me. ( plastic surgeon went through each step with pictures and I could decide where I was happy that was 8).
For me it has really gotten better , my nodes were not affected and because I chose a mastectomy no radiation. And no chemo. Just Letrozole forever. Now I’ve vented. We are all on this journey that we didn’t want to take, we are here for each other , you are not alone
And about being private I didn’t tell my family till a few days before my mastectomy. And then only a few , some still don’t know
Sending you a hug hug
meme1 - not a great journey but good that they caught both breast lobular early. There should be more MRI scanning offered. Mine was invasive lobular of left with mastectomy. I decided against reconstruction like u - brilliant work but didn’t want more medical intervention than needed. 
. No bilateral offered. I’m an asymmetric “going flat”. Enjoying it so much.
Hi, this is my first time replying on this site - usually more of a reader. Your experience mirrors mine so I wanted to reach out as I totally get the anger. I was diagnosed with invasive ductal c in November last year after a screening just months before that told me I was all clear (come back in 3yrs)! I’ve always had troublesome cysts and have endlessly been advised I might have cancer when I didn’t. This time I had a dent and I just knew I suppose- also found the biopsy painful and heard the words suspicious. I pushed them and the consultant said yes, I’m very sure it’s cancer - I trusted him as he does this day in day out. He was right and our conversation gave me more time to prepare myself. Thankfully lymph nodes were clear and apart from some remaining anger which is accompanied by much crying I’m doing well post surgery and radiation and starting to get my head in a better place. I’m a facts person so I read a lot of the Lancet metadata analysis which helped me take control more at a time when things felt out of control. It helped me to make decisions about MY body and not just be a statistic- which of course is what we become.
Maybe preparing yourself with knowledge about YOUR process might help you have some agency here, sending you hugs x
Hey @twinks77
I’m afraid a lot of us have been there, sweetie. It’s a bit like they say about the cycles of grief. It is a kind of grief, really. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and (sometimes) acceptance. I swung through them all! Anger is difficult to deal with, feels counter-productive and it’s not good for you. So maybe do some deep breathing when it happens, or go for a really brisk walk. Weights or workouts? That will get the cortisol out of your body. I agree with everything the other ladies have said; ask for help; talk to others; Diazepam. They don’t like prescribing it, because it can be addictive, but persist. And if your doctor tries to prescribe you Sertraline, bear in mind that doesn’t kick in for 6 weeks, so it may be of no use depending on any treatment timetable. My pharmacist told me it actually makes some people suicidal in that first six weeks. But you will get through it all, honestly you will. Good luck. Understanding the five stages of grief
Thanks everyone for your support. So many emotions this week! But just feeling them all as there’s no point trying to pretend I’m not angry / sad/ confused/ scared / bewildered ect ect.
Results day tomorrow 
Actually feels like this week has gone quite quickly now I’m almost there. I’ll be relieved once I know what’s what. Bizarrely the EastEnders 40th anniversary episodes this week have been a great distraction! 