Hi everyone,
First time poster, this forum has provided a lot of comfort during the excruciating wait for biopsy results so thank you. Results came back yesterday and I have been diagnosed. I am 38 and it’s all been a bit of a shock but slowly getting my head around it.
I am looking for any advice around communication with colleagues - how did you go about handling this? I work in a large organisation and my job involves interacting with many people. So far only my manager is in the loop and is being really supportive but wondering how others have gone about letting more colleagues know. Maybe part of the problem is I don’t yet have a clear treatment path or any solid info to share beyond the diagnosis and I’m not clear yet on what the next period is going to look like. I have been signed off for 2 weeks initially but imagine it will be more once treatment starts. I’m rambling but really appreciate any advice. Thank you
In answer to your question: there is no “right” or “wrong” way of telling people, and you really don’t have to tell anyone if you don’t want to.
I too work in a large organisation and interact with a number of people, but that doesn’t stop you “owning your own narrative”: ultimately you cannot control how and what other people think.
Clearly your HR team need to be aware in order to deal with the practical side of your sick pay etc
Part of any manager’s role and responsibility is to manage your absence both in terms of re delegating your tasks whilst you are off and also helping to manage the team and help you manage your absence. If you don’t feel like your relationship with your immediate line manager allows you to do this, there should be others who can do this.
Personally, whilst I didn’t mind people knowing why I was off, what was harder to manage was other people’s reactions: don’t get me wrong there were plenty of people who came up to me and said “I’m so sorry to hear that my mum had BC x number of years ago” which was really reassuring, but there were a few who just went into panic mode and really couldn’t deal with their reactions
At this stage you can’t really put a timescale on how long you will be absent and nor should you feel compelled to do so, it really is take one day at a time whilst you get your treatment plan in place.
In terms of any plans as to when to return, some ladies find working a welcome distraction, personally at the time I wasn’t enjoying my job and the best advice I received throughout my treatment came from my oncologist who in response to my question as to when I should go back was “if it was me, not until I’m crawling the walls and there is nothing else I’d rather be doing” which proved to be absolutely the right advice for me, and suffice to say I’m still working for the same employer and now really enjoying my job in part due to the new courage my treatment gave me!
Sending you lots of love for the coming weeks and months.
Hi, I waited until I knew my treatment path. Then, as we have a staff WhatsApp group, I did a post on there. Didnt give detail, just said what I wanted to say. It was a relief to be able to control the flow of info, better than things getting out via the rumour mill.
I told my line manager straight away and asked her to tell the rest of team when I gave her word. But we work in a smallish team as part of a wider organisation. I have been signed off for 6 weeks or so now and my out of office reply just says I am on an “extended absence”.
Hi, I spoke with my line manager and closest colleague to advise of my diagnosis. They were both aware of my tests the week before. It was a couple of days after they knew I emailed the rest of my immediate team.
Hope you are doing well.
Best wishes x
I would wait until you have a full picture and a plan before telling people . That way you will be able to give accurate information that will help avoid speculative possibly well meant questions that you may find triggering or stories about someone they know who experienced something that might not apply to you . I kind of lost my filter a bit - I sounded off at someone for telling me to think positive . I certainly didn’t feel positive after losing my Mum and then being diagnosed with cancer. Luckily she didn’t take it to heart .
If it’s easier for you or you feel there’s pressure for information then get your manager to tell people the truth but say that you don’t know what is going to happen or when as yet so please don’t ask questions and to respect your privacy as it’s a difficult but that simple messages of support would be welcomed . I read a good tip on here that will apply when you do get your plan which is to tell say that you aren’t having your appointment / getting your results until one or two days after . That way you have a bit of time to get your head around it first. Then if you have a WhatsApp group you could use that or write an email and ask your Boss to circulate it.
I had made the mistake of telling a couple of people I was going for second screening - I thought it would make less anxious but it didn’t . Then I went off sick because I couldn’t face questions but actually my colleagues were quite discreet - I thought the whole Department would know by the time I got back to work but actually they didn’t. Mind you it helps that I was already working just two days a week and we all work shifts as I could go for weeks without seeing people anyway .
When I was diagnosed, I was working in a good team within a large educational institution and interacted with many people across the college.
I told my two line managers and one close friend, who was also a colleague, but found it very hard to tell others. I decided to email all the members in my team which allowed me to tell them I was fine to talk about it but equally fine not to! This worked well; I received some wonderfully supportive emails and had some emotional but meaningful chats.
As everyone says, there is no right way to do this but I hope you find one that works for you. Wishing you all the best with your treatment. x
I was recently retired but found it difficult telling family & friends as I felt like I was asking for sympathy, which I wasn’t. So I told a few people and asked them to let other people know. That might work for you. You could also ask them to tell other colleagues whether and/how you would like them to discuss it with you.
I was working full time when I was diagnosed and chose not to talk about it at all at work. I was 48 when diagnosed.
I went to radiotherapy five times a week for three weeks while working. That’s because sessions were at 4.15 pm and I could walk to Barts hospital from where I was working. I only had 15 sessions over 3 weeks Monday-Friday. I did burn but I survived.
I was given a disciplinary to deal with but that was pretty good for me because I wanted to find out what was going on and help her find a job which she wanted to do rather than skive from. So it was quite fulfilling.
At a staff event at the end of the year I was extremely surprised to be given a bottle of champagne in front of many colleagues so that was really lovely too.
I kept working until I could get a full pension and collected it when I was 60. I am now nearly 70 and jobs are not as well funded now for pensions and you have to wait longer for them.
I got breast cancer again at 67 but things have changed a lot and radiotherapy seems to be shorter now but each one is higher dose so side effects may be worse. You are covered by equality laws so cannot be sacked for ill health and you are counted as disabled too which can help with cheaper transport and meds so check this out. Seagulls