Hi all, just wanted to introduce myself really. I was diagnosed with breast cancer a few days ago. I am still breastfeeding my beautiful 9 mth old baby, and I also have a 2.5 year old. I am 30 years old. I was actually going back to work in 2 weeks after staying off work longer than I planned (kids too wonderful to miss out on!!). I found a lump in the middle of January, assumed a blocked duct and tried to clear it myself. It got bigger so I saw my GP, got referred and it was found to be solid on USS so I had a biopsy which confirmed cancer. My lymph node sample was equivocal so that was repeated last week.
My tumour is 38mm so I am already grade 2, grade 3 if the lymph nodes are affected. But i am also waiting for an MRI scan of both breasts to look for any other deposits (mammogram didn’t help as my breast are far too dense while I am still feeding). And a CT to check for any hidden nasties.
My consultant is actually suggesting that i have chemotherapy first to shrink the tumour, and then I will need a smaller operation. She is aiming to have me on chemo within about 2-3 weeks.
My head is just spinning - looking at my children makes me cry. I feel helpless. I need to find some strength as there is no question that I will do whatever it takes to treat this.
For now I am waiting (more appointments on Thursday), but I am also trying to wean my daughter from the breast. We may have issues with formula as she was very sensitive to dairy when she was young. Blood and mucous in her nappies - and I have breastfed her with a dairy and soy free diet. We gave her a spoon of yoghurt yesterday to try to judge her reaction. She took a bottle of expressed breast milk for the first time yesterday.
I feel wrong talking about cancer and breastfeeding in the same sentence. It feels wrong to even admit I am doing that really.
I am so sorry. I loved breastfeeding my children as well and it must seem like a double blow to you at the moment. Your treatment plan sounds normal, I had surgery first and chemo later, but there are many women who have done it the other way. Chemo is not great, but during the chemo cycle you get many days when you feel totally normal. You do get tired, so if possible set up some support e.g someone to take your older child to a playgroup when you are feeling too tired to do it yourself. Grandparents are great. My Mum used to come and stay for every chemo so I didn’t have to cook. My children are older than yours, they were 4, 9 and 12 at the time and adjusted well. The only problem I had was it took about 4 weeks for my 4 yr old to get used to my bald head. He wouldn’t come near me at first and I found that very upsetting.
Good luck and a big hug.
i am really really sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Your head will be all over the place now. This confusion/ terror does subside when treatment starts and things start to fall into place a little. The first thing you need to do is congratulate yourself on being breast aware and finding the lump, and then doing something about it. Well done, its not easy.
I was diagnosed last march at aged 36 and two boys aged 4 and 2. There are many young mums on here sadly, but the upside of that means more support! I had surgery ( the lump removed) chemo and radiotherapy. They sound like they are trying to reduce the size of yours so you could possibly have a lumpectomy instead of a mastectomy.
I think you might be confusing grade with stage. Grade means how the individual cancer cells look, grade 1 is least different from normal cells, grade 3 is most different. Mine was grade 3. Stage is the way they can compare how advanced the cancer is, ie how far it has spread, and theres a whole list of different combinations meaning dufferent stages. So it seems the size of your tumour suggests its stage 2, but they might consider this to be stage 3 depending on if your lymph nodes are involved. Remember, many women survive stage 3 cancer after decent treatment, which is what you are getting! Your medical team sound proactive and knowledgable. Plus you have a great gp on side as she referred you when many others would not have done.
Chemo is hard but doable, not all foom and gloom. Look at the good days even on chemo thread. You will feel like yourself again, though she is likely to be lost to you at the moment! Look at my hello, 36 and diagnosed march 2010 thread and compare my first frantic posts to my current ones, a year later.
The young children thing is a killer and you will crucify yourself with pain wondering what you are putting them through. But actually little ones adapt well and dont really worry as ling as their day to day is ok. Accept help and get your support network sorted. Make sure your health visitor is aware, she can help access support, and non dairy formula! I know 2 children in my sons class have dairy allergies and do fine, there are things out there to help. My boy has egg and fish allergies, a pain but ok.
I noticed my lump a couple of months before doing anything about it. My children were two and four at the time and to be honest my breasts had been so up and down with pregnancies and breast feeding I don’t think I really knew what they were supposed to feel like anymore. So it took me a while to really appreciate that something needed checking out.
I am really pleased your gp took you seriously and you are now in the right hands. There are quite a few women on here who have Chemo first, so that is not unusual.
I totally understand how it feels to look at your children and feel so sad. But they are a brilliant reason to keep going and that feeling will get less with time. I hope the time to your tests goes quickly and you can find out all the information needed to get your treatment started.
I know it might seem a long way off, but I hope the day comes where you congratulate yourself on having recognised you had a lump and did something about it. It would have been so easy to keep dismissing it.
Please take it easy, let your family a d friends help you.
Remember there is a lot of experience on here if you have questions.
Take care.
Debx
Hi liz so sorry to hear about ur diagnosis especially with 2 babies+ at such a young age. I was dx in jan 2010 when I was 32 and my son was 8 months so I can totally understand your fears. Take everything one step at a time so concentrate on the chemo 1st and worry about the surgery + other treatment later. It’s all too overwhelming otherwise. Remember that the vast majority of bc patient fully recover + I’m sure you will fall into this category + will look back on this year in the future when you are back to full health + the kids a little older.
All the very best
tina xxx
Liz, I’m so sorry to hear of your diagnosis, at a time when breasts are serving their very purpose too. You must be still reeling in shock. I know the prospect of treatment is so frightening, let alone the actual cancer itslef.
I fed my first daughter for a year, until she self-weaned, but with my second (nearly 4 months) I had to stop after 4 weeks, because I was diagnosed with a cancer recurrence while pregnant and had chemotherapy either side of that short month feeding her.
It takes time to adjust to a diagnosis, especially while young with such young children - unfortunately there are plenty of us here on the board in similar situations. I know I felt much better once treatment was underway. And if you can save your breast by having chemotherapy first, I think that’s a very good thing. I had to have a mastectomy second time round, and while it certainy hasn’t been the worst thing about having cancer, it makes life difficult in niggly, practical ways.
There are supposed to be five stages of acceptance, and I found them to be quite apt for me: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.
You’re not alone. I hope everything goes well for you with treatment. It’s a long slog through it all, but I promise you come out the other end. I’m 6 weeks past my last chemo, nearly at the end of rads, nearly 8 months after diagnosis, so it’s been a really long ride for me because of being pregnant, and I’m still standing. You’ll make it too.
In addition to the support you have here please feel free to call our helpline where you can talk things through with someone in confidence on 0808 800 6000, the lines are open 9-5 weekdays and 9-2 Sat.
I am posting a couple of links to support and information BCC can offer you, specifically aimed at younger women and those with a new diagnosis which you may find helpful:
I too am a new Mum recently diagnosed with breast cancer my son is 4 months old so I know exactly how you are feeling.
I have been diagnosed with triple negative grade 3 (faster growing cells), I had a lumpectomy last week and I am due to see an oncologist on Wednesday to sort out chemo & radiotherapy. Please do feel free to get in touch as I am like you all very much up in the air and finding it hard to get my head around.
Wow - I am amazed (but saddened) that there are so many of you that have been through similar experiences who have replied already. Thank-you.
I was using the wrong words - you are right that I meant stage 2-3.
My consultant said that at the moment I would need a segment of the breast removed, but she thinks with chemo that will reduce to a lumpectomy. Only a mastectomy if the MRI shows further deposits.
I have been told I need to think about whether I want to preserve eggs for further children (we were going to have another in a few years). I assume the chemo will mean I am infertile afterwards? But I do have 2 beautiful children already so I have a lot to be thankful for there.
Thank-you for warning me that young children may not like the hair loss. My daughter cries if I wrap my hair in a towel after a shower! I have very long hair at the moment so I think I will cut it short first so it is less dramatic.
I have no idea how to prepare a 2.5 year old for all of this. He is very smart though. I am lucky and have my Mum living round the corner - she is retired and usually looks after then when I work (part time) so it will be an extension of that role really. Will I be able to care for them myself though? I want to do at least some things for them myself.
Liz, re hair-loss, OH and I clippered my hair off once it began to fall out (3 weeks after first chemotherapy) with the ‘help’ of our two year old! We made sure we laughed about it in front of her, and she joined in and seemed to find it funny too. She was 2yrs 3months at the time. Sometimes she says she wants my hair to grow, but children are remarkably accepting and she doesn’t really seem bothered.
I can’t lie, I’ve found looking after a two year old while having treatment pretty exhausting. My partner has had to take time off work since we’ve had a second baby, although he’s due to go back soon and actually, if it weren’t for the nuisance of daily radiation appointments, I could definitey cope on my own now (6 weeks past last chemo). It’s great that your mum’s nearby. Even if you don’t feel awful, you’re likely to be tired and in need of some extra sleep.
Really good luck with it all and let us know if you need any advice when treatment begins. xxxx
I’m so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I was diagnosed late Nov, had a lumpectomy in Dec and started my chemo mid Jan. I have had 2 cycles of FEC so far and was due to have my 3rd last Thursday but my bloods needed more time to recover!
We have a 12month old little boy, its hard sometimes butt as everyone else has been echoing it is doable I have found that for the first 4 days after chemo I need help all day to look after our little boy whilst my husband is at work but then from day 5 I start to pick up physically and am able to cope alone. In weeks 2 and 3 I manage to take him to all our normal playgroups etc but just have to be extra careful where people are ill that I don’t put myself at risk due to my low immunity.
I can promise you that once you know your treatment plan in terms of timing and whats going to happen you will feel slightly better (as you start to gain some control again). Then when the treatment starts you will feel even better (mentally) as each day that passes means you are getting closer to the end and regaining control over your life.
Enjoy the good days with your little ones and don’t be too hard on yourself on the not so good days. We will all come out the other end smiling and really appreciating life You can do it!
hello liz… hello all…
as a mother and woman with BC i must say be strong for the kids and they will help keep us strong.
i was confirmed BC when i was 6weeks pregnant… chose to keep the pregnancy and had mastectomy at 3months… thats when it became reality to me, at first i was supposed to just have a lumpectomy but found the lump was nearing 5cm… so b/c i was pregnant and hormone positive they took the breast first then did chemo when i hit 5months in my pregnancy… i continued to go to the gym and also to work and only took 1day off after chemo to recover… i had to make the hours for maternity leave… and my hubby couldn’t afford to be off either… we also have a 7&4 yr old girls and got lots of family and neighbour help. and w/ the hair loss… my oldest daughter and i went for a haircut day and she donated her long pony tail… then as my hair slowly started to fall out, i experimented w/ short funky styles that i would never think of wearing… i had beautiful curly long hair… but hair is overrated and i have an extensive hat collection now!
if you keep your head high… even when its bald then you will find the strength to go on… especially when you look at your bundles of joy… and there is a light at the end of the tunnel… im all done 25zaps of radiation and just waiting reconstruction in the next couple of months.
jenn
toronto canada
Hello,
I was really surprised to find so many young mothers on here- your post made me decide to join up!
I was diagnosed in Jan and had a lumpectomy last week- get my results on Wed but have already been told to expect the works due to my young age (31).
I have a 3yr old (Ben) and an 8 month old (Harry) so think I’m going to have a lot on my plate for 2011!!
Sitting in the waiting room I’ve been feeling like the only young mum going through this but it seems I was wrong!
Good luck to you all! Xx
Hi Manny & other Mums
I’m new to BCC but I can already see that there are some wonderfully brave ladies sharing love. My heart goes out to everyone struggling right now, I’m waiting on 4 biopsy results (due Tuesday) and every minute feels like days! I found a lump under my arm a few weeks ago and thought it was due to me having flu, it didn’t go down so I got my GP to check and he referred me to the breast clinic. Mammogram and ultrasound found a mass in my right breast which I had no idea about so a complete shock and my world has fallen apart.
I have seen so many stories and read so much information while I wait for the results that I assume the only thing it can be is Cancer, god knows how long its been there and what I’m dealing with. All I can think about is my husband and my two little gorgeous boys who are 3 years and 18 months not having me around.
I’m hoping that I can find some anger to fight it with but when I’m on my own I do nothing but cry for my babies.
It breaks my heart that there are so many of us with young children having to endure this while we should be enjoying every moment with our families. Love to everyone and good luck xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I really hope your results are good but i know exactly how worried you are at the moment and really feel for you. Even if it is cancer, its not an automatic death sentence, but it is dreadfully hard to get any kind of sense of balance againuntil you know what you are dealing with and what your treatment plan is.
I was diagnosed last march, aged 36 with two sons aged 4 and 2. I had a lumpectomy, chemo and radiotherapy and we got through it. I have spent many hours crying, especially for my boys, but looking back on the year i know thehardest bit is where you are now. I never thought i would feel like me again, but i do and i am enjoying life. I appreciate things much more, have a different outlook and know what is and isnt important to me now.
Hang on in there. We all know how you feel. I promise that even if it is cancer, which it very well might not be, there will be better days ahead.
Thanks Vickie
I’m so pleased that you are on the road to recovery and it gives me some hope that I will be ok. Its so hard to be strong, I’m usually good at looking like I’m coping but not with this at all.
Still feels like years until I get my results on Tuesday but trying to keep myself really busy until then and hope for a good prognosis.
Love to you and your family, the knowledge that theres hope for us all helps me a lot. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement xx
I have found that for the first 4 days after chemo I need help all day to look after our little boy whilst my husband is at work but then from day 5 I start to pick up physically and am able to cope alone. In weeks 2 and 3 I manage to take him to all our normal playgroups etc but just have to be extra careful where people are ill that I don’t put myself at risk due to my low immunity.