Newly diagnosed feeling scared

I feel like it hasnt quite sunk in yet but in many ways my terror of what lies ahead says it must have. Im to have my final consultation with the cancer Dr on Wednesday to disvuss all my results and give me a start date for chemotherapy. Im to have chemo before a mastectomy. I know so far I have stage 3 ER negative breast cancer. Im a single parent with 2 teen boys. Im terrified, I dont want to go bald, I dont like needles Im scared of chemo effects ( whatever they may be) Im frightened it wont work and although im going to work im not finding it easy to think about anything else. Im thinking of starting my sick leave early so i can try to get things organised at home but how can i go sick if im not yet? … feeling overwhelmed x

hi LM,
It is such a shock when diagnosed, but you are not alone here & what you’re feeling is quite normal at this stage, although of course, you’d rather be anywhere else.

It might be an idea to see your gp about sick leave certification. My gp signed me off for 6 weeks initially as I was not able to concentrate at work & had the usual investigations & appointments that go with all of this.
Things do get better once your treatment plan is in place & you get started.

There are others going through what you are, including those with children, who can support & advise, as well as those of is who are a lot further down the road.
Do look at the ‘going through treatment’ thread & ‘younger women & families’ where there are others going through similar.
Do use this site or macmillan for any support or advice, the helpline number is on the top of this page if you feel you need to talk things through & avoid any general googling about your diagnosis as the info is often out of date, not relevant to you & only increases anxiety.
Treatments for bc are very effective now & getting better all the time, so although, quite naturally, you are feeling overwhelmed at the mo, there is no reason not to be positive.
Sending you loads of hugs, others will come along shortly to offer support.
take care
ann x

Hi L welcome to the site.It is very overwhelming in the beginning very hard to take it all in .I dragged myself through 3 weeks at work before I had my op ,but I was next to useless couldn’t concentrate and was in state of high anxiety.If you can afford to go off sick I would,your GP will most def sign you off .Most important thing is to look after yourself and get organised so that you are in the best place to manage what is to come.In the going through treatment section there is a chemotherapy section in there there is a "top tips " to help with chemo thread ,also there are monthly threads were ladies who are going though chemo at the same time can give each other support ,the ladies who have already been through chemo pop in and offer advice .If you are worried about losing your hair you can ask about using the cold cap which works for some people ,there are threads about that on this site too.Make sure you write all your questions down before you go to your appt on Wed and don’t leave til they’ve answered them!If you don’t understand anything as them to explain ,if you can take someone to the appt it helps as they can also listen to the info .You will be allocated a breast care nurse that you can ring to discuss any aspect of your treatment .Best wishes .Jill

Ps 4am is the worst time !!!

Thank you all so so much for your replies. Its really a comfort to know im not alone and posting on a forum at 4am isnt at all strange.
Thank you for the advice on finding other forum posts to find out more about the chemotherapy and its possible effects.
Ive been absolutely useless in work today, I work in pupil referral unit for primary age children and in a small team of three we have to be able to rely on each other to keep each other and the children safe if one of them has an explosion. Ive decided today that its time to stop, tomorrow will be my last day. I need to organise things at home while I am still able.
Big hugs back to you ladies, thanks again for being there at my lowest moment so far :heart: Linda xx

Sounds a sensible decision given the job you do .I work in a similar profession job involves dealing with other people’s problems /vulnerable children ,I really should have gone off sick sooner ,I just didn’t have the capacity to deal with the job when dealing with this too .After waking up every night at 4.30an on the dot for weeks after diagnosis I decided to get up and do jobs I hated like cleaning the bath and the fridge so at least I was achieving something in the wee small hours rather than lying in bed in state of panic .?

Thats a really good idea Jill. Im lying awake at the moment in a cold panic and trying to take my mind off of things by playing games on my phone! Then I worry that im wasting my life! If I continue to wake up early ill do something far more productive… my oven could do with a clean :slight_smile:
Thank you Helena, reaching out to strangers even at 4am is very comforting when someone replies. Im very grateful
Linda xx

I figured that if I was about as miserable as I could possibly be ,may as well do miserable jobs (couldn’t make me anymore miserable eh ) and at least I would have achieved something !!We all understand the panic and anxiety Linda ,but promise you it does get better and you will feel calmer and more in control soon.

Haha a great attitude Jill ill definately be making more use of my miserable time :slight_smile:
Thank you I dont like visiting Drs and now I have to totally rely on them, Its not easy feeling out of control is it xx

No that part is really horrible ,hated so so much not being in control.Look forward to hearing about the jobs you have done in the wee small hours ,sock drawer,oven ,bath ,fridge ,mould in grout round tiles in bathroom ???

Hahaha Jill thats funny! Maybe getting breast cancer will have been the best thing to happen to my home ? xxx

Absolutely !!!Got to be some benefits of this crappy thing eh !!Bet you never thought you would be laughing about this when you posted at 4am this morning !!

No thats very true!!! ? thank you xx



You are amazing positive out of a negative. 


I remember when I was diagnosed and was told my op date, I spent the weekend before cooking absolutely everything in sight so that I could freeze it and make like easier after my op, I totally ran out of space in the freezer, a lot of the stuff is still in there !! :slight_smile:

Helena that sounds like me. Im trying to plan as many meals as possible so my two can heat themselves something up rather than waiting for me or worse attempting to cook for themselves! Xx

I was diagnosed last week and am waiting for CT on Sunday then Bone Scan & MRI on Monday !  Results won’t go to multi discipline team until the following Tuesday so got another two weeks before I get my treatment plan !


Trying to remain positive and carrying on as normal in the meantime :slight_smile:


I am also a single mum with two adopted daughters, the youngest has ADHD & Autism and really doesn’t understand that I am sick because she doesn’t see that I am.  It’s going to be an interesting few months I feel…

Thank you so much Blueash for your simple explanation.
I went for my final results yesterday and my MRI has come back as a growth just under 3cm im also ER negative which is why im to have chemo first.
I asked the nurse about a picc line and she said to definitely ask the oncology team when I go next week.
From your description chemo sounds like a longer flu could that be an accurate description?
Ive heard the cold cap gives you brain freeze? Ill also ask about that.
Thank you
Tsstock 70 Really wishing you well, we sound like were facing similar challenges with our children.
Its so hard on us when our kids are affected.
Hugs to everyone xx

Thank you blueash for a very honest answer. Im now looking at fasting as id not heard of that research before.
My diagnosis has now come back as triple negative which has just blown the last of my confidence away.

My BC nurse has said I will have 6 rounds of chemo every 3 weeks - well thats the plan at the moment.
Im not sure when itll start but hopefully not too much longer to wait.
Im going to look at some counselling before hand. I find it hard not really having anyone other than my sister to talk to as i dont want to overly worry my children. You have been so supportive and informative thank you so much I truly hope I am able to pass on the support to someone new one day as you have. Im sure were all reluctant experts in the beginning but i dont know how id have coped without this forum xxx

Yes youre probably right. Were all in this now and supporting each other is best thing to do.
Thank you ill go and introduce myself now :slight_smile: