Newly diagnosed - new to forum

I’m new to forum and never used one before - don’t even post anything on Facebook!!


Diagnosed with grade 2 invasive breast cancer on 24 October (day before my husband’s birthday) following a recall from routine mammogram.  Am due for surgery on 18 November for lumpectomy and sentinel lymph node biopsy.  My husband has changed his week off work to coincide with my surgery which means we cannot go away which we were planning.  I am feeling guilty that I have spoilt both his birthday and holiday. 


At first I was thinking I would just have surgery and 3 weeks of radiotherapy and be OK straight away but now realise that everything depends on the results of the surgery.  I have been burying my head in the sand and the few people I have told, my response has always been “I’m fine - it’ll be OK.”  


Had a bad day today - just wanted to sit on sofa and not speak to anyone.  As my op is getting closer I am getting more stressed.  I have never been ill and never had surgery before.  Just wish it was all over!!



Tookie, sorry you find yourself on here :heart: Think a lot of us shoved our heads in the sand at the start as the ‘hurricane’ sucked us up into a whirl of appointments and complete brain frazzle trying to take it in after diagnosis ? don’t be too hard on yourself and take things one step at a time :heart:That is all you can do. You can prepare a bit for op, button front short sleeve pyjamas, flip flops, dressing gown, lip balm, hand cream and anosol (sorry about the anosol mention), but after op the meds make it feel like a backwards pine cone trying to get out) also if you are having the blue dye you pee will be a tinge of blue. Trust your team, they do these operations all the time you are in ?safe hands. Join the November 2019 surgery thread on here, Also use the ask the nurse facility too and the someone like me option ? your husband being off after op will help because you might need help washing and dressing for first week, everyone is different. Pop on here as much or as little as you need, there will always be lots of :heart: From everyone on here and help and tips if we can ??:sparkles::sparkles:Shi xx

Hi Tookie


So sorry you’re here - but you’re in the right place for understanding and support. I didn’t find it till halfway through my treatment - late for the party again.


It won’t help to hear that we all reel from shock and feel terrible because who cares how everyone else feels? Doesn’t change how you feel. But sometimes a comment might just register and help you at some time.


I picked up especially on your feeling guilty about spoiling your husband’s birthday and holiday. Reverse the situation - would you be blaming him if he were suddenly ill? I’m pretty certain you wouldn’t and I’d be surprised if it even crossed his mind that this is a nuisance. I had my first chemo on 24 December last year so we cancelled Christmas, New Year and both birthdays and barely noticed. We simply didn’t want to pretend we were enjoying ourselves when I was feeling physically and emotionally sh** and he was holding us both together. It’s important not to feel guilty - you have an illness even though you maybe don’t feel ill. You know what lies ahead is full of uncertainties and tests and waiting and results and treatments that it’s hard to get your head around- no room for feeling guilty. And certainly no room for taking responsibility for how others feel. Don’t bother - you have to focus on yourself for now. If you want to be on your own for a while, do that. Friends/family will be very important in the coming months but you choose who and when, not them. Real friends will understand and accept your terms without being offended.


Personally I think burying your head in the sand is a useful strategy. It’s more or less how I got through - asking no questions, banning google, just handing myself over to the team and trusting them. I didn’t even really know my diagnosis - just that it wasn’t good. I couldn’t have got through it if I’d allowed myself to think about what was really going on. I called it Land of Denial in my blog and I miss it so much now! I probably took it to an extreme but it suited me at the time. Like you, I’d never been physically ill before and only had minor (half-day) surgery - I also had a massive phobia - and thought I had no strategies for coping. You find whatever suits you. You’ll be amazed at what strengths you find when you need it. 


I hope the surgery goes well and your biopsy results are clear so you do move smoothly from surgery, through healing and then onto radiotherapy. Yes it might be worse - but worry about that if it happens? Best of luck,

Jan x




Tookie………Hi there I’m kinda like you too! I found out on the 2nd October I have Invasive Lobular Cancer and I will be having my surgery the day after you…you are not alone x

I am petrified now of the waiting for my results…last week I was petrified of telling my son…the week before I was petrified I wasn’t going to be able to get through the week…it’s so scary there is so much support and information here from everyone…try not to google to much x


Shi…can you help me find the November surgery thread please x

Hi Tookie,


I’m so sorry you’ve also found yourself in this unenviable club. Sending you a big hug. It is totally rubbish.

I’m having surgery (mastectomy) and sentinel node biopsy on the 18th too. 

All I can say is you need to put that big bag of guilt down. Easy for me to say, I feel bad for checking out of looking after my 2.5 year old and leaving it to my husband. But as others have said, the fact is, you need to focus on yourself now. It’s not selfish, it’s understandable and necessary to try to deal with the shock and uncertainty around what’s happening to you.


I can totally sympathise with wanting to sit on a sofa and not speak to anyone. I’ve been hiding away in the bedroom and feeling like a huge gulf has opened up between me and everyone else I know and love and basically everyone else who hasn’t got breast cancer. 


We have to trust that loved ones will cope and they will certainly want to help you. They can’t take the real burden away, so I’m trying to get comfortable with letting them help (I’ve been finding this hard too) because you need it, and anyway, perhaps it makes them feel better to feel like they’re able to do something at least. 

I wish you all the very best for the 18th and please know you are not alone with these feelings of fear and guilt and confusion and everything else that comes with this. All you can do is get through it the best you can - because as someone said to me - there’s no right way to do this. 

Take care X



hello! I’ve got a similar diagnosis, similar timings.


I’m concentrating on what I do know - what I have been told - which is that this disease is curable. Unknown’s exists but the knowns indicate that I can win! It is hard, and it is horrible news, and there are so many unknowns which makes me very paranoid and worried but I’m jut trying to remind myself of what I know. Grade 2, HER2 negative, small size, oestrogen receptive… followed by a course of radiotherapy, potentially chemo… we shall see.
Everything for me (much like ur self) depends on the outcome of the surgery, so we shall see when we get there I.e. regarding lymph nodes etc… nothing I can do about it without the surgery.


For us to get better we need to be at the top of our game and it helps to try and confront feeling Stressed and break it down into something manageable. So despite the unknowns I have found it comforting to know that breast cancer can be treated in many cases. I call my nurses when I am worried. We have a chat and I cry sometimes and that’s fine. I am hopeful that I will be ok and it sounds like you will be to! I’m not worried about being a burden because I am not! Neither are you - You are loved! I’ve asked ppl to tell other ppl for me. This has made it easier for me. I have found it helpful telling ppl but everyone is different and must deal with it in the way that works for them, only u know what is best for u.


The journey ahead for us is unknown but we need to be open to all the challenges we face so that we can be strong enough to survive them. We will actually be fine, but it will not be easy. 

sending love 




Don’t feel guilty about anything, chances are your husband is also feeling guilty, worried etc.


Concentrate on getting the operation done and then whatever the next step may be.


Feel stressed, angry, sad or however you want.


Wishing you well in your op and recovery.