Hi,
I wrote a msg in the ‘awaiting results’ section last week…and as I knew deep down in my heart I have this week been diagnosed with breast cancer.
I don’t have all results and details yet, but it’s looking like 4-6months chemo, mastectomy (I’ve pushed for this) and then some radiotherapy - approx a year of treatment.
I’m 37, with a 10 month old daughter and am feeling petrified.
Petrified I haven’t started treatment yet.
Petrified of starting treatment.
Petrified it won’t work.
Petrified of a reoccurrence.
We so desperately wanted another child and I feel so much grief that in reality this likely will never happen now.
Do any of you amazing people have any tips on how you emotionally coped with the experience?
And if you ever reach a point where you don’t live in constant fear of it?
Plus, if anyone has tried to conceive again after treatment, what your experience was and how you felt mentally about it?
Thanks so much.
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Hi @19star19
I’m so sorry that it has been confirmed you have breast cancer. It is such a frightening experience and I’m sure every one of us can empathise with how you are feeling now.
Things that helped me were a couple of sessions of MacMillan counselling to come to terms with receiving a diagnosis. I wrote in a journal each morning which helped to get out all my feelings in a safe way and then be able to at least try and put them to the side. Exercise was also huge for me. I got into a bit of a funk and then forced myself back into it and it helped to clear my mind temporarily and I am also convinced is a significant factor in a good recovery and no ongoing issues.
I can’t answer all of your questions as my pathway was different to yours, but the one question I do want to reply to is whether you can ever reach the point of not living in constant fear of cancer. It’s hard to believe right now, but the answer to that, for me at least, is yes you can. It is absolutely possible for many many people to get through this and back to a happy and and healthy life.
Keep reaching out for support when you need to. The wonderful people here will hold your hand every step of the way. x
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I’m also in my 30s with young children. I took a few weekends away just after my diagnosis which was good to take my mind off things and feel ‘normal’, as I knew it would be a while until normal life resumed (similar treatment plan - 6 months chemo, surgery, radio, 1 year immunotherapy).
It is petrifying. Once you get started with treatment things do get easier in some ways, as you feel your doing something. But I still get waves of fear, especially if I think too hard about the future, my children etc.
I’ve continued working part time, from home due to infection risk with chemo, and it’s a lifesaver for me. Between my kids and work, I don’t have time to let the cancer take over my life, but do have a few slow days a week to relax and look after myself.
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Hi @19star19 I’m so sorry to hear about your diagnosis and how frightened you are.
I’m 28, (27 when diagnosed) with no children. I was terrified, my mind also went straight to the thought of no children, treatment not working and recurrence.
I wish I could say something that would make it all feel better now, but honestly I was terrified and it’s only been time that’s improved how I feel. I’d cling to all the bad things I read on Google and dismiss the positive articles.
I tried to distract myself as much as possible (got engaged and planned a wedding all in 3.5 weeks?! Went abroad too). Everyone will say this and it’s very hard to do, but stop googling things. Google will suggest every possible situation, I convinced myself a few times my PICC line was going to kill me some way or other! I’ve taken to painting cheap terracotta plant pots with cheap acrylic paints when I’m waiting tele to keep me off my phone.
I’ve been off work since starting treatment because I work in cancer screening (ironically) but I make sure I’m doing something on my good days (having friends over, baking, painting, gardening, dog walking, taking myself to museums, even cleaning!).
When I started chemo and my tumour didn’t shrink, in fact it grew after the first 2 sessions. Honestly at that point I was in complete despair, I felt like the bad news would not stop. HOWEVER, now I’ve switched to a new treatment. I’ve just had my 3rd lot today and my tumour is shrinking considerably. I feel so much better about things now, I feel like I can contextualise what is actually happening now and not panic over the possibility of worse things happening.
I’m on the waiting list for psychology but something that helped me a lot was going to my local Maggies young women’s primary group. Most of the girls in there have breast cancer, children, in their 30s. Feeling not alone and meeting success stories (pregnancies post treatment!) made me feel an awful lot better.
I still have scared days, I still get sad sometimes (especially when I’m tired) but it really has settled an awful lot. It’s not wrong to be scared. You dont need to hide your feelings. Talk it all out with people you feel comfortable talking to. Try not to worry about burdening people with your feelings. Should you ever want a friend who’s that little bit ahead of you in treatment, you are more than welcome to send me a message.
Sending you lots of love 
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Hi @19star19. I’m so sorry you find yourself here, but you have cone to the right place. This forum kept me sane through my difficult hours and like others, I’ve made life long friends from my chemo group.
The waiting to get started is the hard part, but once things get going, you may find it all easier. I was terrified of everything…needles, chemo, surgery, side effects… but i found that none of it was as bad in real life as it was in my imagination. Chemo is tough at times, but I found much of it very manageable. I kept a social life going throughout.
I would say to discuss your fertility before chemo. You may have the option to save eggs, or the chemo might not affect them.
I hope all goes well for you. Xx
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