Hi all,
I went along for a mammogram having found some wee lumps (same happened 3 years before). I honestly expected it was just a check up and might be just because I’d switched HRT and it didn’t agree with me so I was shocked when I had to have an attempted cyst drain and then a biopsy there and then, on 16th December. My appointment for results was moved forward so I was nervously trying to find out if I needed to worry on Christmas Eve but they wouldn’t share results until 30th December appointment. Anyway, I’ve never worried so much. I’m grade 2 ductal, oestrogen and progesterone positive, HER 2 negative and there’s something like "Ki6Y 15%2 written down but unsure what that is yet. I’ve been dealing with my emotions and not wanting to Google anything. I have lump removal surgery and node biopsy on Tuesday. How do I keep calm and stop looking at my children and bursting into tears? Also, I told my daughter, who is 18 and she’s been amazing (says loads of people get it!) but I have kept it at this stage from my boy who is 12 and I share. I wonder if/when is the right time to discuss and how? Also, does anyone else particularly struggle to deal with their situation when their children are away from them?
Hi @geecee1 welcome to the forum, I’m sure you will find plenty of support here. Naturally it is shocking and upsetting to get a diagnosis, we’ve all been there. It is especially difficult to process at this early stage when you don’t have a handle on what it all means and rely on received ideas about cancer and the Big C. There will be others along shortly to advise on how to talk to your son and how to manage your temporary life as both a Mum and a cancer patient but I wanted to give you some perspective on your diagnosis. Firstly, your histology is Er+ HER2-. This is by far the most common form of breast cancer (of which there are many) affecting over 65% of women with BC (myself included). This means it is well researched, well understood and your medical team will be treating many people every week with the same histology. You are Grade 2, which means that the cancer cells are only moderately different to normal cells and that your tumour isn’t growing at as fast a pace as you perhaps imagine. The only way for your team to get an accurate summation of your situation is to get the lump out and subject it to rigorous testing. Removing the lump is also the best form of treatment. Other forms of treatment for er+ HER2- cancers are likely to be radiotherapy (very doable) and endocrine treatment which consists of taking tablets to suppress the oestrogen which has fed your tumour. Chemo is a possibility but the majority of women with your histology don’t need it. It may not seem like it at the moment but you will have a very high chance of getting through this and out the other side. Remember that no-one dies of a primary breast cancer and all your treatment will be about stopping any potential spread. As for the Ki-67, can I suggest that you give our nurses a call on 0808 800 6000 between 9am-4pm and have a chat through? They are absolutely lovely and will give you time to talk through any questions but, more importantly, how you’re feeling.
I was diagnosed in July with bilateral IDC, estrogen positive and her2 negative, grade 2. Needed bilateral mastectomy, nodes clear, no reconstruction.
This stage you are in is the worst imaginable- I remember actually wanting to die rather than go through it - my GP was great and diazepam helped me through the worst.
I have a daughter aged 22 and son 12 and told them from the start simply because we are very open as a family anyway and my boy was sitting on the sofa when I found the lump and I was like, ooh this is strange.
He’s seen me cry and be scared but he has been wonderful (my daughter is a drama queen but she was fine too). My mum had breast cancer 20 years ago and a classmate had leukaemia as a child so he is used to cancer being in our lives and living with it, so he kept saying ‘you’re going to be fine, granny was fine’.
I’m glad he knew from the start so there were no secrets and no feeling that he was being kept away from the truth. He was fab in my post-op days, bringing me water and anything I need. Even now, when it’s 6pm he often says - mum, you need to take your letrozole!!
I was diagnosed the last day of school term and was given the all clear the week before he went back, but we told his class teacher since he was moving up to the senior school and I didn’t want his new teacher asking about his summer holiday and him saying we stayed at home coz my mum had cancer - what a conversation killer in the first day!!!
I think every family is different, but I’m sure your children will be fine, and once you know exactly what you’re dealing with you will feel so much more in control. I’ve got my first check up in a couple of weeks and there’ll always be some anxiety but on the whole my life is wonderful now, I can remember the dark days but they seem so long ago.
Hi,
So sorry for your diagnosis. I was in your position 10 years ago with exactly the same diagnosis, it was then found to be in one of my nodes after surgery.
I completely fell apart and thought that was it, but here I am 10 years later! After surgery I had chemo and radiotherapy. The chemo was felt necessary as it was in my nodes, however this isn’t a given now as you will be eligible for testing to ascertain whether chemo would be advantageous - this wasn’t available 10 years ago.
I actually found once I got in the swing of treatment I felt calmer and more positive, it is all the waiting beforehand that is a killer with your imagination running riot.
At the time my children were 13 and 10 but I told them what was happening. I kept it simple but answered their questions honestly, although kept my more negative fears to myself. It is scary for them but I think if you can do it when you are feeling more positive yourself he will feel reassured by that. I was absolutely dreading telling them but it was nowhere near as bad as I had thought. Also your daughter sounds as though she will be a huge support for both you and your son!
And being honest with you I have now had a recurrence in the same breast in the last few months so it hasn’t been completely plain sailing for me. But there is no spread elsewhere and I have actually been quite calm about it all this time and remarkably positive!
It may feel like the end of the world for you but it really isn’t and you will feel happy and positive again
Hey @geecee1
Welcome to the club no one ever wants to be in, you’ll find some super supportive members in here.
I was in a very similar situation at the end of the summer. My girls are 17 and 11, we told them the day we found out, we knew we couldnt keep it from them, they would both sense something was up. We were as honest with them as we could be, and have continued to be like that. I have spent more time looking for good advice on helping my kids cope than i have on anything else to do with my bc, and ive not found any really good detailed sources im afraid to say.
My eldest is away at college, so hasmade use of the student counselling services, and her tutor has personal experience so i know eldest daughter is supported, and worries less because shesnot really seen me duringmy chemo. Youngest has struggled, but she goes to a small local primary who havebeen wonderful, theyve organised sessions with therapy dog and support from devon young carers, it didnt occur to me she could be considered a carer. She is a talker, i owe her class teacher a very big thankyou when i get back to the school run. I answer my girls questions as openly and honestly as i feel appropriate, they dont need to know every detail.
Ive just hadmy final chemo session. It hasbeen hard, i couldnt hide how shit ive been. So ive emphasised to them,and me, that they cut out the cancer when i had my op, all the chemo and the radiotherapy is about preventing it coming back. Its not nice, but its what needs to be done.
Weve also promised them a nice holiday when its all over, they need light at the end of the tunnel.
Good luck, if you want to chat more, just reach out xx
In February I had a similar diagnosis to you so had to tell my children 18 and 16. They both took it surprisingly well. My eldest has a friend whose mum had had BC and is now fine so wasn’t fazed at all. My youngest, who I had been concerned about telling as is a really sensitive child who can internalise stuff, made a really inappropriate comment when I told him which was hilarious and made us both laugh and I found it reassuring he was using humour as a response. Kids are sometimes more robust than we give them credit for.
I hope your surgery goes well today. You’re in safe hands and your team will look after you well. Best of luck with everything. x
