Hi All, I’m new to this forum having been diagnosed yesterday. All I have so far is biopsy results, but looks like a 2-3cm grade 1, which they plan to treat with a local wide excision & radiotherapy, at the same time as a SLNB. I need an MRI scan first (I guess to plan what margins to take), so I’m having to wait 2 weeks for that. I’m taking solace from the fact there seems to be no mad rush (although my gut feeling is I just want this thing out of me ASAP!) The last week waiting for the biopsy results was awful, I had worked myself up into expecting the worst scenario and the diagnosis was actually a bit of a relief. So I’m just waiting now, being rational by day, but all those worst fears emerge in the dead of night. I think I’m going to need so much help coping with this.
Hi Caroline, Sorry you have had to join us here. I know exactly what you mean about the rational getting on with it during day and the fears at night. I was exactly like that when dx. It is such a step into the unknown and so many fears until you know exactly what you’re dealing with and what treatment.
I am also an early stage cancer person and have had a WLE, SNB and just about to start radiotherapy. I waited about three weeks for surgery and it seemed an eternity. I felt far worse once diagnosed than I did before hand because I knew it was there. Medically they told me that the few weeks would make no difference and if they aren’t suggesting chemo that’s a good sign that they don’t think it is very aggressive. THe surgery was just a day surgery - I was in and out within a day and beyond a bit of bruising and soreness it was fine. Not even any visible stitches and eight weeks on it is starting to fade. Will just end up a thin line (and another little one under arm for SNB).
Waiting is the pits. I just tried to keep busy but be kind to myself and rest a bit. If we can do anything to help or if there is anything you want to ask just say xx
Hello Caroline, Sorry you have had to join us, but welcome. The moderators will also be along I am sure soon to welcome you too! I think we all get the feeling immediately we are diagnosed that we want to “get it gone” asap, but a 2 week wait is actually quite usual (I waited 3 weeks). Much bc is quite slow growing, apparently. But that doesn’t always help when you are just diagnosed and worrying about it. The bc nurses are usually good - can you ring yours if things are really bothering you? If so, they will usually be able to offer support. The helpline on this site is also brilliant.
Lots of love, Mo xx
Thanks, it’s so helpful to know others are going through similar feelings. I have a planned holiday next week & the consultant has told me to go ahead with it, I’m hoping it will make one of the weeks of waiting less difficult.
Hi Caroline
Welcome to a safe place to ask questions, confront your fears, have a rant and find some great support.
Im a wee bit further on than you so just wanted to say the beginning is the worst with the unknown playing havoc with your emotions.
You might find keeping a diary helps-you might also jot down the inevitable questions that will come up as you wait for treatment.
There are lots of great people on here to help and support and I know I couldnt have got thru the last 16 months without them
Take care
Cathie xx
Hi Caroline,
Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care discussion forums. As well as support from other forum users, the BCC Helpline offers confidential information and support, tel 0808 800 6000 Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat 9am - 2pm (thanks Mo for mentioning this above).
I thought it might also be helpful to post a link to the BCC resource pack, which is available to order free of charge:
breastcancercare.org.uk/search-results/*/changeTemplate/PublicationDisplay/publicationId/82/
With best wishes,
Anna, BCC Facilitator
Hiya I’m so sorry that you’ve had to join us, but you really are in the best place for help, advice and support.
I was diagnosed on 17th March, I am going in hospital tomorrow for a WLE and dye through to my nodes operation on Monday. The last 4 weeks have felt like 4 years, I’m sure you’ll be fine though, try to have a good holiday and see you when you get back.
Welcome, and good news with the biopsy results, that’s at least the first hurdle got over. Lots more to come, but it feels so much better once you’ve started on the road with a bit of information.
A holiday now is terrific, I really hope you are able to put the next few months to the back of your mind. As you have dates for the next few steps you should find it easier to relax on your holiday as you know things are all under control.
Best wishes for a lovely holiday, and for smooth progress through the jungle.
CM
x
It’s so good to know I have support from all you guys who really know how I’m feeling - my husband & friends have been great, but there are some things they really can’t understand. My next big hurdle is telling people; that somehow makes it more “real” as well as worrying about how it will impact them. I’m especially worried about my 16 year old (about to take exams) & my elderly parents. I’m thinking I might wait until nearer the surgery date, & then really play it down - I’m just having a minor lump removed. Anyone got any advice on this aspect?
Dear caroline
I’m sure some of the other forum members will soon be along to offer support on this particular aspect. I thought the BCC publication “Talking to your children” might be helpful. Here is the link:
breastcancercare.org.uk/upload/pdf/talking_to_your_children_about_breast_cancer_0.pdf
We do also have a book for younger children called “Mummy’s lump” if you have any young children.
Very best wishes
Janet
BCC Facilitator
Hello caroline,
Sorry you find yourself here but as all the others have said you will find much support and information.
Regarding your last question, it really is an individual matter, some people tell everyone immediately, others,perhaps with elderly parents/parent or younger children tell them a bit further down the line or not at all or as you mention, minimise things a bit…
You will know your family best and how they might handle the various aspects of your treatment. You may be surprised at how well they deal with things and your 16 year old may want to be fully involved for support.
Older parents are possibly a different thing. I had to tell my mother because she now lives with us and although I worry about causing her to worry…if that makes sense??!, I think she is glad to be ‘involved’.
It is not the same for everyone.
Sorry that’s not a definitive answer, so much of the ‘journey’ with this wretched disease is like this, weighing one thing against another.
I’m sure you will come up with the right approach. The main thing is to concentrate on yourself and your wellbeing. Come here and ask questions, rant, rave or whatever you need to do. You will always find someone here to help.
Good luck
Wandyx
hi caroline,ur posts sound so like mine a month ago and believe me i feel so much better now!i had wle and snb almost 2 wks ago and had my results thurs.plan of action is radiotherapy and tamoxifen.(feel very lucky)the op wasnt as bad as i expected havin never had one.was very worried about telling folk for fear of scaring them.i told my hubby and parents who were great and played down big time to my 14yr old son(minor lump)told a few friends at work but told em they werent allowed to talk to me about it at work for the fear of mu turning into a blubbering wreck(not good when u work at a school!)my 5yr old was blissfully unaware until i came home after op and just told him mummy had sore boob so he didnt jump all over me as usual!he then proceded to tell all his mates very loudly in the playground the nxt day i had a lump cut off my boobie!saved me ajob there then!the waiting is definately the pits but ur not on ur own and the forum has been the best support ever.enjoy ur hol and u will come thru this.with love,alex. xxx
Hi Caroline
I am ahead of you (diagnosed Nov) and having chemo with the delights of a mastectomy to follow.
As everyone recognises, you are in the worst bit, which is the part where you wait for the results with a brain that is in overdrive. There is so much to take in and so much that happens to you and changes you it’s perfectly understandable and normal. During this part i got some sleeping pills - they provided some blessed relief. I didn’t use them every night and haven’t needed them since actually starting the treatment. This might be good idea for you.
I have a 6 and a 15yr old (daughter). I was straight with her: saying yes it’s cancer, yes it’s going to be hard, but yes it’s fixable. Because you are having radiotherapy you should be fairly side-effect free and you won’t have the outward signs (being bald!) which i know was worrying my DD. I did explain that although i might be ill it would be the medicine doing this not the cancer and it would only be temp. My lad knows the same but obviously being 6 doesn’t appreciate the seriousness.
I’ve told both schools as soon as i knew and give them regular updates so they can keep an eye on them. You can get something called ‘special consideration’ for your 16yr old’s exams, where they take into account the circumstances whilst marking. I’ve also managed to get my DD’s school to let her skip PE and Health Ed in order to use this time to do extra work on other subjects, which has stopped her stressing.
Hope this gives a bit of food for thought. I would say the general rule of thumb for me is to be as honest as i can with them, giving as much info as i can without scaring them otherwise they will fill in the gaps with all sorts of horrors.
best of luck. x
Hi Caroline,
I hope you enjoy your holiday - keeping busy has definite benefits at this time. I was dx in early Jan and felt pretty much like you. I had WLE initially as day surgery, and it was ok. Pain was controlled and I recovered pretty quickly. I had a very swollen boob for 3-4 weeks, but it healed really well. In my experience once you start the treatment things seem easier somehow because action is being taken to sort the problem out.
Re telling kids, I don’t have any of my own, but I have worked with children and teenagers and I think it’s good to trust them and to keep them informed. I’m sure your daughter will sense there’s something going on, and if you (understandably) try to protect her you might end up having the opposite effect to the one you want. You can be straight without scaring her, playing up how treatable it is.
Best wishes, let us know how you get on!
Lynne xx
Telling people. Hmm, that’s a tough one, and how you deal with it is VERY personal to you.
My kids (youngest are 12 and 14, older two 21 and 24) all knew about it from the start as I happened to mention I couldn’t be taxi driver because I had a doc’s appointment, they asked why, I said it was because I’d found a lump but not to worry it was probably a cyst like I’d had a few years earlier. As it happens the lump I found WAS a cyst but there was another one. So anyway, my kids have always known as much as I know. And they have felt better knowing that I’m not hiding things from them so they can keep their imaginations in check and not go worrying that I’m actually going to die next week just didn’t want to tell them - kids are very perceptive a what their imaginations come up with is usually a LOT worse than the truth.
I haven’t actually told my dad, who’s 89 and a massive worrier. I’ll be honest and say that this is as much for my own sanity as to save him from worrying, as for a previous family trauma he was a complete nightmare and when I needed to be supporting my kids I ended up trotting round after him, which was so very wrong, I don’t want to have to do the same with this. And it WILL be easier for him not to know until after the event, as there isn’t actually anything practical he can do even though he’d like to, and he’d just fret and I can’t take the additional stress of having to soothe his worries when I have enough of a job dealing with my own.
I have been very open with other people, and frequently go commando with my bald head, but that’s as much through my own laziness as anything else as I can’t be bothered doing everything I can to hide it, and I really don’t like my wig.
Sorry, I’ve been rambling. Hope that gives you another viewpoint, but ultimately it’s your decision.
Hello Caroline…well I just want to say that all advice on telling children is spot on, Mine are 12 and 14, told them what was happening when i was given biopsy result on a thursday, 14 year old had gcse exam the following week and i had my first op then too, not great timing but hey! just be honest with children. Parents, well in the last 3 and half years my mum has had a brain haemorrhage, with 2 ops and then my dad got throat cancer, many ops… so not living near them i had to tell them over the phone… again waited for biopsy results, and just told them straight.
All you can do is do it yoiur way! good luck
Hi,
I agree that it’s important to be honest with kids. I have 2 daughters 15 and 13 and I have been honest with them from the beginning. The eldest one had a maths GCSE on the day of my op but her school were fantastic to her and continue to check that she’s ok. I encourage them to talk openly about it and they are both helping me to choose hats and scarves ready for when my hair falls out. Everyone’s different I know but I have found that talking about cancer with my friends and family really helps me to come to terms with it myself. They are all being fantastic support and keeping me busy while I wait for chemo to start.
Lots of luck x
Hi Caroline.Re surgery and recovery .Went to theatre at about 3pm and was home by 7pm.My boob was very swollen but had bought a couple of comfort bras also a couple of sleeping bras which i am still using one week later. Two days post op iwas managing light day to day activities and was driving with care 5days post op , so you should be fine to do what you want a coule of days after your op.one week later my swelling is greatly reduced and am managing my excercises with no problems . Going to have a bath tonight and take off the dressings . Heres hoping its not too uncomfortable x
That’s reassuring - sounds like I could get back to normal routine quite quickly. One question that maybe people might not want to answer, but I’m wondering about, is how “mutilated” I will look. I’m having a LWE for a 2-3cm tumour, and I’m starting off as a 34B, so I’m concerned there won’t be much left!
Hi Caroline
I had a 2.3cm area removed (September & November 10) in total after 2 WLE to obtain clear margins. I was delighted that apart from a small dent where the scar is my shape once bruising & swelling gone was quite normal & in clothes you don’t notice the dent.
I hope after your op you have the same result & feel positive about how you look.
I know the shape of your boob can change over time especially as I completed 3 weeks rads in March but so far so good.
I have to see my surgeon in about June time for her to check it out. I understand from some of the posts that following WLE you can be offered treatment to restore the shape etc if needed.
I wish you well in your op & recovery; I was fine after the op and after a couple of days was carrying out all the stuff I normally did.
Take care
Lynne