It takes time, you will in time get used to this, our lives are uncertain regardless to illness, I have had to deal with my 30 yr old wife getting cancer again, she is an ispiriation, and regardless to what happens I will try and be strong for her and our daughter, you have to find a new normal, be happy that today is good, take inspiration from your mums strength, and focus on the fact that BC is successfully treatable. the road will be hard, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
it may be a long tunnel but you will get there, you must find a friend to be your listener, I have one, and he is amazing, he has been through some serious stuff with both his mum and dad, i have only known him for a year and met him through our mutual love of painting and tattoo.
i feel that a counceller wouldnt be a bad thing, i took 8 months to see one, and wish i realised i needed it sooner, sometimes you cant see the wood for the tree’s its never too late, two sessions in and I am learning to cope with the fear and worry, and focus on today’s happiness, its not easy, but i am confident that the counciller is a great help, and after the next sesh i will be stronger, and the next and the next. its all about coping and not being blind to that fact that you can enjoy your life with this illness hanging around in the background. its hard, but does get easier. I felt very satisfied by attending all my wifes appointments, chemo, onc, scans the works. I stood by here and will continue to stand by her. she needs it, and I do too. sometimes they just need you to hold their hand, and that is sometimes more than enough. and sometimes to help them undestand what the docs say. especially in your case,
we owe ourselves a life, and to enjoy that life, be awake today, take each day by day, and dont worry too much, but you will worry, good days a bad, happy and down, i does get easier.
I didnt know this feeling that came because of aloved one getting CA and it confused me, i thought i was going crazy, I am sure in my lifetime i will experience other feelings that i havent yet, we grow as people everyday. my grandad says he grows up a little bit more everyday and he is 77, and still learning something new about the world and himself evryday, as we all will.
my wife has done so much for me, its my turn to take care of her and honour her, its hard being strong and I have my moments, but ultimatley my daughter makes us strong, keep that in mind, you are your mums little baby no matter how old your are, and from seeing the strenght my daughter gives my wife, no matter what you do you will be her strength, trust me on that one, just being there, massaging her feet of playing a game of cards, makeing her a cup of tea.
one thing i will say, is that, sufferers carers, sons daughters and partners cannot be super heroes, we have to deal with our own S~~T aswell as being there for them, they dont expect you to be super human, and will appreciate your support no matter how big or small it is, you sound like you are doing a great job already.
I focused on each appointment, read books like “eat to beat cancer” and got myself well informed. knowledge is power. it was only after things settled down that I let go, it was my chance to release the stress and agnst, its normal so i have been told, we are all here in the same boat, this place is great for support, only read what you makes you feel good, and dont look and dodgy statistic sites, they are only stats, my wife, your mum and everyone here are not stats, they are people and we can all be strong and prove the stats wrong.
Try not to confuse things, I got food poisoning a few months ago, didnt realise untill my bro got it, and thought that i was having a nervous breakdown, things get crazy. because thats just how it is, i does get easier.
But…
Hold on to this…
Your mum is strong.
there is light at the end of the tunnel
we will all be better people for it.
treatment is tuff but effective
your mother is proud of you.
it does get easier.
Stay strong
your doing a good job already.
dont be afraid of seeing a couciler
or being here on this forum as much as you need
stay regular on this site as the poeple here are great.
Matt
PS: you say your mums 1st language is not english? my father is persian, I am always curious about this. and if you are there as a translator then that is a great thing all by itself.
I tend to waffle on quite a bit, so i do apologise.