Newly diagnosed with breast cancer

Hello,

I found out on friday my mum has breast cancer, I was in complete shock! still am now. I seem to break down everytime I think about it, feeling so emotional all the time. I want to be strong but finding it so so difficult… We are a really close family and were talking about it quite openly. Mum is trying to be up beat about everything, she’s doing her normal everyday things, swimming, cooking, working I guess trying to be as normal as possible. Her surgery is not till the 22nd oct is it normal to wait that long?

What does one do till surgery? its an agonising wait for her. I dont know if I should contact the hospital?

English is not mum’s first language so I’m doing my best to translate everything to her she seems to understand quite well.

I feel for all you beautiful people out there battling this disease, Just want to see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Hi there …I am sorry that your mum has had to become a member of the club that no one wants to join .i am a year on from diagnosis I was dx in Aug 07 and had my mastectomy sugery in Oct 07 … There is not a lot you can do in the interim but just carry on as normal as your mum is doing …I too was very upbeat as I was determined yo not let it get me down for my friends and family sake .but yes I have cried and sobbed and still do when I am on my own .its only natural .Today I have my first big check up since it all started so more waiting !! This site is a godsend I have met lots of really supportive people .and made some good friends who understand totally how you feel,.some of them are quite humbling when you hear their stories compared to mine …but at the end of the day we have all got or had BC which draws us together …please keep posting there are ladies on here who have the answer to most things …but there is also the BCC helpline that is wonderful .
Your mum has a good daughter ?but then you could be a son ??? You just carry on as you are supporting her and trust me ther is light at the end of the tunnel although it may be a very long tunnel…for you at the moment as it is early days but it is still there .

Good luck to you and yours .
hope this helps

Maz xxxxxx

Dear Heartbroken

Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care forums. I am sure you will continue to get lots of help and advice from the many informed users of this site. You and your Mum may find BCC’s resource pack helpful, it has been designed for those newly diagnosed. The pack is free of charge as are all our publications, if you would like a copy just follow the link below:

breastcancercare.org.uk//content.php?page_id=7514

As Maz has mentioned, our helpline is open 9am-5pm weekdays and 9am-2pm Saturdays, please feel free to call if you feel it would help to talk things through with someone in confidence.

I hope this is of some help to you.

Best wishes
Lucy

Hi Heartbroken

I think you should definitely contact the hospital on your mother’s behalf, if your mother wishes this, especially if English is not her first language. If your mother has breast cancer, there will be a specialist “breast care” nurse who will give you more information. If you don’t have her number, just ring the hospital and they should be able to find her. The most important thing you can do now is help your mother make more sense of what is happening.

Thank you people for your kind comments, I feeling some what better today I guess coming to terms with whats happening…
Yesterday my auntie came to visit my mum completly started me off to the point of where I couldn’t control myself… She said I needed to be strong for mum and make her feel happy then she doesn’t feel so bad about things.

I want this to be over. But it will take time

xx

It takes time, you will in time get used to this, our lives are uncertain regardless to illness, I have had to deal with my 30 yr old wife getting cancer again, she is an ispiriation, and regardless to what happens I will try and be strong for her and our daughter, you have to find a new normal, be happy that today is good, take inspiration from your mums strength, and focus on the fact that BC is successfully treatable. the road will be hard, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
it may be a long tunnel but you will get there, you must find a friend to be your listener, I have one, and he is amazing, he has been through some serious stuff with both his mum and dad, i have only known him for a year and met him through our mutual love of painting and tattoo.

i feel that a counceller wouldnt be a bad thing, i took 8 months to see one, and wish i realised i needed it sooner, sometimes you cant see the wood for the tree’s its never too late, two sessions in and I am learning to cope with the fear and worry, and focus on today’s happiness, its not easy, but i am confident that the counciller is a great help, and after the next sesh i will be stronger, and the next and the next. its all about coping and not being blind to that fact that you can enjoy your life with this illness hanging around in the background. its hard, but does get easier. I felt very satisfied by attending all my wifes appointments, chemo, onc, scans the works. I stood by here and will continue to stand by her. she needs it, and I do too. sometimes they just need you to hold their hand, and that is sometimes more than enough. and sometimes to help them undestand what the docs say. especially in your case,

we owe ourselves a life, and to enjoy that life, be awake today, take each day by day, and dont worry too much, but you will worry, good days a bad, happy and down, i does get easier.

I didnt know this feeling that came because of aloved one getting CA and it confused me, i thought i was going crazy, I am sure in my lifetime i will experience other feelings that i havent yet, we grow as people everyday. my grandad says he grows up a little bit more everyday and he is 77, and still learning something new about the world and himself evryday, as we all will.

my wife has done so much for me, its my turn to take care of her and honour her, its hard being strong and I have my moments, but ultimatley my daughter makes us strong, keep that in mind, you are your mums little baby no matter how old your are, and from seeing the strenght my daughter gives my wife, no matter what you do you will be her strength, trust me on that one, just being there, massaging her feet of playing a game of cards, makeing her a cup of tea.

one thing i will say, is that, sufferers carers, sons daughters and partners cannot be super heroes, we have to deal with our own S~~T aswell as being there for them, they dont expect you to be super human, and will appreciate your support no matter how big or small it is, you sound like you are doing a great job already.

I focused on each appointment, read books like “eat to beat cancer” and got myself well informed. knowledge is power. it was only after things settled down that I let go, it was my chance to release the stress and agnst, its normal so i have been told, we are all here in the same boat, this place is great for support, only read what you makes you feel good, and dont look and dodgy statistic sites, they are only stats, my wife, your mum and everyone here are not stats, they are people and we can all be strong and prove the stats wrong.

Try not to confuse things, I got food poisoning a few months ago, didnt realise untill my bro got it, and thought that i was having a nervous breakdown, things get crazy. because thats just how it is, i does get easier.

But…

Hold on to this…

Your mum is strong.
there is light at the end of the tunnel
we will all be better people for it.
treatment is tuff but effective
your mother is proud of you.
it does get easier.
Stay strong
your doing a good job already.
dont be afraid of seeing a couciler
or being here on this forum as much as you need

stay regular on this site as the poeple here are great.

Matt

PS: you say your mums 1st language is not english? my father is persian, I am always curious about this. and if you are there as a translator then that is a great thing all by itself.

I tend to waffle on quite a bit, so i do apologise.

Hi Heartbroken

I have been there with my Mum. I could understand exactly where you were coming from on your post.

My Mum was diagnosed 6th June. After a long hard and heartbreaking struggle we found the light at the end of the tunnel.

Mum went through all sorts of stages - and now she has turned her life around - in fact she is glowing - a picture of health. Hopefully it will not come back, but we try and make the most of time together. She used to live 150 miles away - now she lives about 8 houses away from us.

I cant descibe how bad I felt during that first few weeks. Then seeing her after surgery - I cried, sorted myself out, visited, cried my heart out afterwards. The next day she was in the cafe with a new friend dragging their blood drain bags around with them! Which cheered my up!

I would sit and stare, then once our little man (aged 18 months then) went to bed I would come onto this forum. My husband was there for me, but its hard for them to understand I think. They worry about us. I would just start crying - no warning, anytime, anywhere.

I signed off work for 2 months and accompanied my Mum to all her apointments, and so did my little gorgeous man! Bless him.

We are now all getting on with life. We have no promises, but nobody has.

Its been a life-changing experience. Please take care of yourself and be strong for your Mum.

You will find the best possible support on this site as everyone posting has been affected by this nasty disease

Love Suzy xxx