I’m 45 and was told on Tuesday that I have cancer in 2 areas of my right breast and it has spread to the lymph nodes. I am due to have a mastectomy which will include all the lymph nodes on June 24th. Then probably chemo, possibly radiotherapy and maybe hormone treatment. I’ve no idea what sort of cancer it is other than it’s grade 2 and they will know more after the surgery.
I feel quite detached from it sometimes. I can look at it from a purely practical point of view, in as much as it’s me that it’s happening to, and I just have to cope with the treatments. Then when I’m on my own I allow myself to let go - plenty of tears. There have been tears with my family, but I find it desperately hard to see them in pain, so try and keep positive for them. Naturally (for me), I’m worried about where else it may be lurking and what if it turns out to be worse.
I’m hoping this site will be an opportunity for me to speak openly about my fears and anxieties and also share and support you in yours.
I don’t think it is uncommon to feel ‘detached’. I feel it all the time. I often forget that this is happening/has happened to me. It is only when you are confronted with a discussion, an appointment or even on this site, that you ‘accept’ that this is really happening to you. When I had my first surgery, it began to feel real. I am going to have my third op in 12 days, and as the date nears, so does reality. When you are not having post-op pain, treatment, or whatever else this disease throws your way, you get that reprieve of forgetting - just for a few moments - that you have cancer.
My advice is go cry. Cry whenever and wherever you want to. Wherever you look there will always be someone better off and someone worse off, so forget about comparing yourself to them. Forget about ‘being strong’ for others. Strength can be found in acceptance of what we have, and the road to accpetance is littered with puddles of tears.
I think a lot of the crying we do is not self-pity, but fear. We have little control in this journey, and that is not comforting. However, there are many experienced medical professionals to help us through, loving friends and family, and the sisterhood on this site. Combine all of that support with some time out for meditation, and it will help you begin this journey.
Sorry you had to join us but this is a great place to vent any worries or let off steam. This is a very difficult journey at the start, but it does get easier once you know treatment plan. I was also terrified that it had spread and found that the scariest part. Just cos its in your lymph does not automatically mean spread (I had it in one lymph node)
I’ve just come out the other side after 8 months of treatment and believe me, if I can do it, so can anyopne. Its not pleasant but is doable.
Glad you have posted today. Crying is good. So is not looking too far ahead, take one treatment at a time and don’t read too much on the internet you are not a statistic you are a person. Please post any questions you have as there is always someone who can help you out, they may not always have the answer but they can support you.
Firstly, welcome to the forums, you’ll find them a great source of information and support I’m sure.
Just thought I would drop in and give you a couple of links to information you might find helpful to read.
The first is a link to our resources pack which can be ordered through the site. The second is a link to one of our information booklets which covers information around understanding your diagnosis.
Hey so sorry you have had to join our little band. I too feel very detached from the big C on the outside, but have just asked for a CAT scan as my radiotherapy has been delayed by complications and feel that I have been invaded by it, all the professionals say ‘oh no you don’t have cancer now they have taken it all’ how do they know? It’s only when I am low that I feel this and I have tried so hard to put a brave front on for my family so they can get on with their lives and not worry about me.
Sometimes these things are sent for a reason, to make us slow down, to make us appreciate life, to help others, to bring us together, to find out who our friends are, all sorts of things but I know this has changed my life and not, at the moment, for the worst, each day that dawns is a new day to be revealed.
Take care
Susie
I posted for the first time last week feeling the same as you. I was diagnosed last Tues and I will be getting my chemo first before a mastectomy. I am 43 years old.
The past week has gone by in a blur with lots of tests and hospital appointments, I dont even know what day it is at times.
Im already starting to accept this terrible thing thats happened to me and Im determined to get through it. It will be hard and scary but others have done it and your not alone.
Hello, it sounds like you are in a similar situaton to my mother. She has also just been diagnosed with grade 2 that has spread to the lymph nodes, and will need a masectomy. I’m not yet clear on the treatment, but it sounds like hormone tablets will be given. She is also quite detached from it - sometimes it’s the only way you can cope. However, it is really good that you can let go. Crying is healthy and natural. You’re not alone in this. I’ve just joined the site and it seems so supportive so I hope you can find some comfort here with others on this difficult journey. Take care.
Hi TJT,
Yes you have made a wise choice to come here, it’s a great place to place your concerns and many of us will be here to give advice and lend an ear.
I was diagnosed in March and felt exactly the same, and I’m not going to say it gets easier but you do and will develop coping strategies. Crying is good as far as I’m concerned, I have tried to keep positive but still have many obvious worries and have weak moments…crikey who wouldn’t after being told what we have been told.
Your confusion is normal and it does become clearer…your team will begin to build your personal picture as they gather information, the waiting is unbearable, but you will get there. I didn’t know my exact stats ubtil 3 weeks after my op and it is so fristrating, especially when people ask you and you dodn’t have a clear lot of information to tell them how you/things are going.
Hold tight, keep on keeping stromg and positive and come back here if you have any questions
Hugs to you
Suze xxxx
Hi TJT
The forum is a fab place. Dont be frightened to post any questions even if they may seem silly but we all go through so many emotions. I wish I could cry but something stops me. I had a mas plus recon in march and am now half way through chemo. The waiting is the worst part of all this treatment I dont think anyone understands it. They say only a week but its a lifetime when you are the one waiting. I still feel like I am having an out of body experience and I am watching this all happen. Perhaps this is because some days are near normal and life does go on regardless of what we are all going through!
Everyone copes differently so dont punish yourself just cope the way you do! There is no right or wrong!
Take care
I call it my “parallel universe”, it’s life but a different kind of normal! To this day I can’t remember the appointment when I was told it was bc. I think it’s an automatic protection. The waiting for tests, results etc is probably the most frustrating part. Take one step at a time, no two cases are the same, and you will find lots of support here and you can be yourself, not just being “brave” (brrrr, my pet hate comment) and strong for others. I am halfway through chemo and of course it’s not pleasant but like it’s been said before, doable! Sending you a big hug, be kind to yourself. Tina
I was where you are last September. I spent the month in tears full of fear and bewilderment. I remember crying in my car with a friend at the school gate saying “I can’t do normal”. It does get better once your treatment plan becomes clearer and you regain some sense of control as you start the fight back.
I to was where you are today, but coming here was a godsend to me, i was dx at the end of march, i have had my surgery and am nearly halfway through my chemo cycles, it only seems like yesterday that i was dx, i am 45 and had some lymph node involement so therefore i am having chemo as well as rads, it seems strange even to me, that i have come so far already, i never would have imagined back in march that i would be so strong.
All i can say is , the ladies here are lovely, i feel so much happier knowing, if i need to ask a question then the ladies here are only to happy to help.
I hope all goes well for you, it will get better, i know it’s easy for me to say that now, believe me, i never thought at my dx that i would come out the otherside a much stronger person.
Hi there,
I’m new to all this too as recently diagnosed so can agree with all the confused feelings…sorry can’t add much myself but just wanted to send you a hug xx
Hi T
Always a long wait for ops and results, but nearly there, oh just realised a week today, that part will be over! then you can get on the road to recovery, l have had 3 ops in 3 months, the last being a mastectomy, started chemo on 11th June.
Good Luck to you, make sure you are well looked after.
Keep posting!
Hugs
Sandra xxx