Never used a forum before but reeling with news of this bloody disease on Friday. How do I let my 13 year old son know what is happening without scaring him to death when I’m scared enough for both of us. I am getting exhausted being positive when I feel like screaming. I’m a single parent & he was so angry at me when he found out, He has calmed down now & is trying to be supportive but he is terrified. Is there help for kids in his situation, he doesnt want his friends to know i have cancer. The whole thing just seems to have overwhelmed me- I feel like such a wimp.
hello liz… sorry you had to join us … its a difficult time all round… your devistated … and you have to be strong for others… firstly i believe in honesty … if your honest from the start your son will know your not keeping things from him… of course he is scared… just as scared as you… if i was you i would notify the school so he will get support there if he feels he needs it … then i would make special time just to sit and chat to him just answer his questions as honestly as you can… but dont go in to gory detail he is young he will understand some things but not others… your not a whimp your a very scared and worried mom … i believe if you know the true facts… they are not as scarey as letting your immagination run away with you … angie xx
Just to say I send all my support to you. I was only diagnosed a month ago and to say it is a difficult time is the understatement of the century!!! Just keep logging on and reading the posts, the ladies on here are all fantastic and they help me enormously. I am sure lots of people will be along soon to help. M
just read the post from simonwithane underneath mine and she’s right,just when I feel I am going into meltdown, I read the posts and it calms me down a lot, some days I couldn’t manage if it wasn’t for this site. M
PS you’re not a wimp, yo’re brave like the rest of us and you’ll find your way through. best wishes
Hi Liz, I found telling all family and friends tougher than hearing my diagnosis. I was exhausted by the time I’d got round them all and reassured them! But the hardest one of all was my son, even though he’s 24 years old, he’ll always be my boy, good job he doesn’t see this otherwise he’d be on cringefactor 50!!! Sad but glad you found this site, the ladies on here have got me through some really rough days and are a fantastic source of advice and support, to the point where just when I think I’m going to lose the plot, I log on here and feel calm again. Best wishes, Simone xxx.
You are not a wimp! Finding out you have breast cancer is such shocking and scarey news - you have every right to feel overwhelmed. It has been the most terrifying thing I’ve had to deal with, so far.
I have 2 girls - 12 and 20 and am also a single parent. My 20 year old has been quite angry with me too which I know is her way of showing her fear - but hard to bare when you have all your own feelings to cope with!
Although she is very worried - lots of bad dreams, very clingy, etc -my 12 year old has handled it better in some ways - she’s just a different kid though. And her school have been absolutely fantastic. After I informed them, they arranged for her to start seeing the school counsellor so that she can talk when she needs to which has taken the pressure off me a bit. The counsellor bought her an alarm clock so she can get herself up in the mornings and let me rest! She phoned me on Friday to touch base and was so kind (bawled my eyes out after the call of course!) - she said that the school has washing machines and if I was struggling with household tasks, my daughter could bring her washing into school and they would do it for her there - how good is that?!
There are publications out there for kids produced by Macmillan but will probably be too babyish for him - we got a couple from the hospital - but there is a good guide for young people with cancer that explains in easily understandable terms, what is going on, what cancer is, how the treaments work etc. My nurse encouraged me to bring the girls to the hospital with me so that she could meet them, and they could ask her questions, see where mummy was going etc - perhaps you could do that too?
You will both get through this - the early days (I got diagnosed just over a month ago, had surgery 2 weeks ago) when you are so stunned has been the worst for me so far.
I am posting a link to the BCC ‘Talking to your children about breast cancer’ booklet’ which you may find helpful, at the back there are links to a website called ‘Rip rap’ designed for children aged 12-16 who have a parent with cancer:
jaquiD I am in a similar situation to you. My youngest is 15 and is being quite good about my situation but my eldest who ia 31 seems dismissive, she is a single parent and lives with my grandson who is 3 so she has her own worries. If I try to mention the C word to her she just says “oh you’ll be ok”. Whether or not it hasn’t sunk in or that’s her way of dealing with it I don’t know. I just don’t speak about it to her and look after my grandson when she is at work for as long as I can. I know in my heart she is fearful for me and she does cuddle me when I cry but it is hard when you are mum and are supposed to be the strong one.