Hi all
Posted a couple of weeks ago but head was all over the place (spaghetti junction springs to mind) here is my story, found painful lump over 6 weeks ago, went to GP, referred to hospital. Dr also found lump under arm, waited for a biopsy to be done and was told lump in breast cancerous and cancerous cells in lymph nodes under arm (bummer I thought he was going to say it’s a cyst) I said shoot, he replied exactly, I laugh at that now (the train which happened to be in that consulting room and was travelling at 200 miles then hit me and I cried, then consultant said I would have to have a CT scan to see if it had spread anywhere else I cried a bit more, taken in to room with nurse who told me to go and get a prescription for tablets which would hopefully stop it spreading, waited at pharmacy for tablets and cried a whole lot more, all I wanted was to run screaming from that hospital, had CT scan done 3 days later but then had to wait an unbearable 2 weeks and 2 days for next consultants appointment,at work as usual trying to smile and be happy (Hard work trying to do that when inside you are screaming) desperate for the appointment to come round but so very afraid of what he might say, laughing as husband says if I have a mastectomy and then reconstruction could I ask if they can make it 44DD said I would be all lopsided so he said he would start calling me lopsided Lou (my name) we both laughed we both cried but I want laughter otherwise everything is sad and depressing, he will be my rock in the bad times ahead. Had appointment with consultant yesterday felt sick to the stomach. Consultant said CT has shown it has not spread and for about I minute the relief of being told that was beyond belief then straight away he said because of where the lump is it would have to be removal of the breast and some lymph nodes (there’s that damn train rushing through the room again still going at 200 miles and crashing in to me on the way through) and he says see you next Friday for operation, off in to another room with the nurse who explains everything in detail (chicken fillets and all). Hubby says if I now go on a diet I will be back to the size I was when he first met me and I was flat chested so we wont notice the difference, again we laughed again we cried, so there you have it, having my operation on Friday absolutely terrified and still cannot believe it is happening to me. Thanks for reading my mini saga, love to all.
Doozy
Your husband sounds exactly like mine… sure they not related? :-)… and I agree dont those damm trains shift!!!.. whatever anyone says or does it probably wont seem to make much difference… I go in for my WLE and sentinel lymph node op on the 27th and it scares the crap out of me to be honest… as some of the fantastic ladies on here have kept me sane the last couple of weeks… I have laughed and cried… which you definately have as well… all I can do is offer a huge hug… and loads of positive karma your way… if you and your hubby laugh through it so be it… its the best medicine going … xxxxx
Hi Sandra 51 and thank you very much for replying it is great to know I am not in this alone, today I am not laughing,got letter from hospital to tell me my admission time for my operation and I decided to read all the brochures the nurse gave me and I guess the reality hit me for the first time, lots of tears today but your huge hug was really thoughtful and the karma is good. I am also sending you lots of hugs and hope everything goes well on the 27th, your husband sounds lovely xxx
Hi Doozy & Sandra
Know how you must be feelinga as I have been just where you are for the past 2 months or so. Knew nothing until a regular mammogram picked up a blip. Thought they’d say it was nothing. Feel like a tornado has gone through me and every appointment has been like another huge step down a gigantic staircase. I had a WLE & nodes 6 weeks ago - thought it would all be over but the surgeon found more. So 2 weeks ago I had an mx right boob. Am recovering well and feel much calmer now that is over, more so since my consultation yesterday when I heaard it hasn’t spread at all but I need raidiootherapy and hormone treatment next.
I have been lucky in that I built up a great support system of family, friends and professionals beyond the incredible support I have received from the breast care unit that I go to. I found BCC really supportive - the nurses on the Helpline are brilliant to talk to - so patient, kind and understanding. Do use them! They also put me in touch with someone a fews years ahead of me and she helped me a lot although only rang me about 3 times.
There were 3 things that I kept saying to myself before the op:1) it’s only a pound of flesh and I can live without it. 2) in a month’s time I shall be feeling a lot more comfortable (that has so far been a good length of time to think about - I am already past half way, so in the same time will be much better) 3) A voice saying ‘Come on - you can do this!’ My phone friend said that to me - it has been brilliant.
The other things I learned from a counsellor friend was that I do not have to be responsible for other people’s feelings. I need to think about myself at the moment. If there is anyone I do not want to tell or see, then I do not need to speak to them or see them. Get your family to say ‘She needs peace and a quiet time for herself and her family just now’ Say no more - it’s their problem if they can’t accept that. My son-in-law had instructions from me via my daughter that he was not to tell his mother who fusses terribly. She found out from the grandchildren. When she started worrying and wanting to viist or send flowers etc he just said 'Mum, that is not what she wants right now. Doing anything is more about easing own your feelings than thinking of her! He has gone up in my estimation!
I wish you and Sandra the very best. I hope that all goes well for you both and shall be thinking of you. Remember to give yourself lots of time to recover - I did hardly anything for 2 weeks and still suddenly get to feel tired once or twice a day. Give yourself some treats too to look forward to
A Big hug to you both Seagull X X X
Hi Doozy & Seagull
Thanks for such a lovely response…I had my pre-op and visit with the bcn yesterday and for some reason I feel much calmer as things are beginning to happen if that makes sense??..must admit without the fantastic support of my family & friends I would have gone to peices… not saying that I havent… still not had a real good cry yet… it comes in fits and starts most days… im keeping a diary of when Im feeling a bit crappy…my breast nurse told me that I have to think of myself… I am number one for the time being… everyone else will have to wait their turn etc… not sure how I feel about that cos Ive never done that before… im a giver and carer… not sure how to do it for myself 
and 2 weeks of not doing anything… ive never stood still for that long in my life!!!.. I hate being fussed over… think its a woman thing… my husband said to me… he hates it when something happens to me cos the house stands still… hes a strong man and we are equal to each other but he said his life stops when something happens to me…thats what im finding it hard to deal with… thinking about him… his answer is… you nagged me through my brain tumour… stopped me vegetating for 12 months… now its my turn for you…I know the surgeons cant give us definate answers…im hating the thought of more operations if the results come back positive… just take it all away now makes more sense to me… im not the most patient of people but for the first time in my life… think im gonna have to be… i have taken on board what you have said seagull as you have been there… expect loads more questions when im back home and resting up :-)) lots of hugs xxx
Hi Seagull,
Thank you very much for your reply it is great to hear from someone who has had her ops and is further down the road than me (and what a very frightening road it is) I have taken your advice on board especially come on - you can do this although as the operation gets nearer I seem to be less and less positive I thought I was handling it quite well but I seem to be crying a lot at the slightest thing I guess I am just so scared and so worried but I need to get through this and it is very comforting to know that you have taken the time to reply to me and give me some reassurance I am trying to work out what treats to award myself after the op and when I am feeling a bit better, thank you for the much needed big hug and I also send one to you.xxx
Hi Sandra
Having my pre-op assessment on Wednesday.I can sympathise when you say you are not used to being fussed over and you are not used to doing nothing I am also like that and I know I am going to be a bad patient as I have no patience and hate it if I even have a cold I get vey frustated if I cant just do things so this will indeed be a shock to the system. I agree about having to concentrate on yourself as two of my friends were planning to come down on the 7th Dec from Scotland to visit me but one of them who thinks things through persuaded the other one that it was maybe too soon and that I would not be ready to have people visit for a couple of days so they have cancelled and I must admit I would have just gone along with it but now I am so releived as I will not have to worry about putting on a brave face for them. I am off to pack my bag for hospital as I will be working up till 5pm on Thursday so I do not want to do it at the last minute as it is more stressful. Hugs and positive thoughts.xxxx
Posted on behalf of new user Lynne - Jo, Facilitator
Hi I have recently been told I have breast cancer by my consultant after a routine mamogram I was in total shock realy didnt expect that! I had a lumpectomy in the other breast 20 years ago when I was in my early 30s but it has come back in the other one my consultant has said that I will have to have a mastectomy still trying to get my head around it, I have to go for a sentinal lymph noe biopsy on Tuesday 20th Nov and as every day gets nearer the more nervous I get,all the nurses have been very good and very helpfull but there not there when you go to bed and think about it and end up crying yourself to sleep I have even sent my other half to sleep in the spare room so I dont keep him awake he is very understanding and I love him to bits but its my way of handling it at themoment. I hope you dont mind me asking but how are you dealing with it? Lynne
Hi Lynne
Sorry to hear that you are having a mastectomy,I think every single person who hears this dreadful news deals with it differently I was I think in denial but now I have my operation date for a mastectomy I think reality has hit home. I wanted so much to be able to carry on at work normally and kept my emotions in check but over this weeekend as my op is fast approaching I kept breaking down at the drop of a hat, hubby is very understanding and gives me lots of hugs but I do not want to keep upsetting him, even the cat is giving me funny looks. I am back at work today and although I have stopped crying I feel like I am ready to start crying at any moment I do not know how to help you come to terms with it as it is such a massive shock to the system but my way of thinking is I have cancer in my breast and lymph nodes and it needs to be got rid of I want it out of my body. Everyone says think positively and be confident that you can beat it and try to have laughter in your life (not easy I know) look at funny videos on you tube, look at pictures of things which make you smile, make up a little box of newspaper cuttings that make you laugh out loud put in favourite pictures anything which makes you laugh, smile or cheers you up, you are not alone in this, deal with it in your own way there is no right or wrong way. I will be thinking about you tomorrow please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing us girlies have to stick together in this, sending you a great big hug and I hope you sleep better tonight x
Hi Jo
I agree with doozy with what she has said so far…I wake up on the hour every hour throughout the night… poor hubby is getting less and less sleep bless him but he still wont move into the spare bed… “I belong with you” he says :-)…I wonder why us women are good at controlling ourselves in an emergency and its just that cos we can and do… put others first etc… Jo I can be doing the washing up and start to fill up… I had to go to my doctors this morning as I have been in a lot of pain since my core biopsy and it seems that a nerve might be damaged… first thing my doctor said was " I’m so sorry to hear this news how are you feeling? " I just told her i was feeling rather crap!!!.. made me smile when I came out the surgery!..like doozy said… we are not alone in this journey even if it does seem a lonely one now and then… even though everyone knows I still feel like im on my own with this if that makes sense…no doubt we will be posting after our procedures are over and done with and we face the next step… loadsa love n hugs being sent your ways xxx