No christmas cheer

WIth a few days to go to xmas and an extremely excitable almost 4 yr old, I find I am really struggling, I have no xmas cheer and could see the whole thing far enough. Finding myself very emotional and at the little ones nursery nativity play yesterday found myself overwhelmed with sadness. So sick of feeling like this. Just wanted to post on here as have no-one else I can offload this onto. I am 34 and was dx almost 3 yrs ago now. Just feel like I am putting on a front for everyone around me again. Feel guilty on the other hand as I know others are not so fortunate and I should be thankful I am here to enjoy xmas with my son, just wish I could snap out of this.

Hi Lorri

Christmas is always an emotional time of year. I lost my mother to cancer at this time of year - 17 years ago - in fact she sent her last christms in hospital, so I always find christmas hard. I am 46 and was dx on Nov 1st this year, had mastectomy on 13th, and started chemo on 28th, had second yesterday. I have 2 girls, one grown up (21) who is getting married next July - and one aged 9 - who like yours is so excited about xmas.

I find that you do just have to get on with it - I have probably gone overboard this year - thanks to the odd fleeting moments when you wonder whether there will ever be another christmas., Fortunately these don’t come round very often, and I hope to be around for many more.

It is so easy to tell yourself to ‘snap out of it’ - not so easy to do though I know. You say you have no one else to offload to - have you tried the helplines here - it can be very useful to speak to a complete outsider, but at the same time someone who knows what you have been through.I hope you manage to get sorted hun, and that you do enjoy christmas with your family.

All the very best to you.
Margaret x

Hi Lorri

As Margaret says in her reply it may help to call the helpline and talk through how you are feeling. Sometimes just talking in confidence to someone, outside of family and friends, about your concerns can really help. The team on the helpline will be only too happy to talk to you and just be a listening ear.
The line is open Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm and Saturdays 9am to 2pm. The number is free phone 0808 800 6000.

I hope this helps.

Kind regards
BCC facilitator

Thanks Margaret for your response, it helps a little to know others are similar situations, not that I would wish anyone to be in this situation but you know what I mean ! Think thats the point Christmas is an emotional time and stirs up alot of feelings and memories. I am determined I am going to enjoy xmas so last night watched “the snowman” with my little one and listening to christmassy music, he is loving it and its worth it to see his excited little face.
You have a lovely time too.
Also thanks Sam, yes I have used the help lines before many times its good to know that there is always a listening ear to help us through difficult times.

thanks again, Lorri x

I was so looking forward to xmas and having my daughter home but since she arrived I have been in a foul temper and find myself trying to start arguments with her - shes having none of it and goes upstairs whilst I sit there feeling sorry for myself…I think part of it is that I wanted it to be like it was when she was younger but shes more interested in texting her boyfriend or on Facebook instead of being all cosy and Christmassey with me. I also have had pains in my leg for a few days which a couple of years ago I would have brushed aside as a muscle injury but you know what I am thinking! I will go to the GP after the holidays and am dreading that.

I wish I could snap out of this misery.

Love to all, Laine

Hi Laine, I hope you have had a good christmas x