The “brave” word ALWAYS gets a response from me and I don’t hold back. “Brave” is choosing to do something, like the firemen in Yukushima who are deliberately putting themselves at risk for the good of others, but we have no choice in all of this so I don’t see myself as “brave” at all, just "£%^& unlucky.
Inspirational? I beg your pardon? Again, I don’t have a choice in this, so there’s nothing to be inspired by here, move along please.
staycalmandcarryon
staycalmandcarryon says on 24 Mar 2011 18:48
how super for you hatty - i will think fondly of you enjoying yourself the next time i can’t move from the sofa,
x
I am sorry i didnt mean my comment to come across as offensive, i just dont do rubbish t.v. and i sit in the sunshine looking out at the birds, dogs, horses etc. I just meant there are other places to sit. I wish you well.
Laizy daisy, I just consider myself lucky that i havent been to bad and i do wish you well. As said above im not really a tv person but what ever floats your boat i suppose. Happy viewing to those of you that do.
Oh dear. I probably shouldn’t be admitting to this, but my life HAS got better since I was diagnosed with this back in 2006. I was going through a very rough patch at that point, had moved all the way back to Scotland after 20 years in London, then the circumstances of having to take on f/t care for my late dad meant I couldn’t go out to work. I then found myself in the position of not being able to get a job in my field as employers up here thought I was overqualified / too experienced / would get bored easily / was way out in front of the normal calibre of people they usually employed. This was because they had very fixed ideas about people who had worked in London for a long time. As a consequence I had no confidence left,was gaining weight at a rate of nots and had given up. I was half heartedly trying to get into minor property development which I hated, then I got hit with this thing and realised if I came out the other side it was probably my last chance to turn myself around.
I now have a very fulfilling and satisfying life, have completely retrained and work in a business partnership with my husband amongst other things. I’m 50 in a few weeks and couldn’t go back to being that old girl who had lost direction and pretty much the plot. In the last couple of years I’ve achieved a lot and nobody can take it away from me.
I agree with one thing on this thread though - Noel Edmonds is really irritating!
Your so right Cherub - I can identify with so much you’ve said. Before BC I was running myself ragged at work and not enjoying any of it. It had taken me years and alot of legislation changes for me to get to the top of my particular tree and when I’d climbed it I truly hated it. In a perverse way BC did me a favour I took early retirement and I can finally say I can see a glimmer at the end of a very dark tunnel ( well it is sunny today and oh so warm so it helps in feeling positive). I think it’s Buddhism that says ’ everything that happens to us is for a purpose and I believe it’s true but if you’d asked me that this time last year boy would you have been blasted from here to kingdom come. But for the life of me I cannot see the purpose of Noel Edmunds!!
Bc did me a favour too. Before BC I had a demanding job, was working long hours etc etc etc
I was given the chance of early retirement and jumped at it.
I’ve not looked back. I know that BC may ‘get me’ but I am intent on enjoying life and I do.
Mal
Well said ladies always look on the bright side of life. BC changes your life for ever but its up to you how you change it.
Well said everyone! Sorry for being a geek, there’s a fantastic book by Susan Sontag called ‘Illness as Metaphor’ (she also wrote ‘AIDS and its Metaphors’) which talks about that very issue. Well worth a read if you need something to do whilst not watching Deal or No Deal! xx
Although I can’t stand Noel Edmonds (never forgiven him for Blobbygate which was a local thing in my neck of the woods), the scenario was an inevitable one. It’s standard media fare and I just ignore all the emotional stuff in this type of situation. At the end of the day, if it raises money for charities, cancer or otherwise, then I for one am happy to accept it. That’s how I look at all the ‘pink’ fundraising events and I personally think it is very churlish of people to strongly object to such campaigns/advertising/raising awareness whilst accepting the support and treatment such events produce.
I’m another one who has had a great time after bc diagnosis and in the most bizarre of situations, am sort of glad it happened. It’s brought me early retirement, more time with family and friends, and a whole new lifestyle. Yes, there’s less good days and odds are the bc will get me in the end but I intend to make the most of things in the meantime. I felt that this was a little bit like the lady felt on DOND. It is a life-changing disease.
As for mind-numbing TV, I’m happy to admit I watch them or have them on in the background. When I was having chemo and rads, it was all my brain could cope with - and still is sometimes!! Have seen some of the house auction programmes about 3 times revisited now. Ah well…
Liz
I think it’s great that so many people can see BC as a blessing in disguise, i really do.
However, my life (pre BC) was perfect because i’d already had my own epiphany. Having had my MIL die of cancer, a miscarriage and then a divorce in the space of 2 years I had already had my life changing moments and was back on track enjoying and living life to the full. I recognised that ‘ordinary’ days were fantastic days and therefore special days were truly splendid! I didn’t really need BC to come along to make me count my blessings, I’d already counted them. I didn’t need it to make me re-evaluate my life, i’d done that and was very, very, very, very happy.
BC is rubbish. People talk about it being a ‘journey’. It’s not. I have a journey - its called My Life and this is just an episode of it, which unfortunately has resulted in me sitting in a layby for a while. BC is rubbish because it not only effects me but also my 6yr old, my 15yr old, my parents and my OH - all of whom have to (to some extent) put their own lives on hold in order to support me.
If you are of the outlook that it has changed you for the better - that’s really good, but i for one do not feel the need. all i want to do is get back to my very lovely, ordinary, cancer-free life.
I completely agree with you Scaco I was very happy with my life before bc thank you and did not need or want any “life changing” moments right now. As a result of bc I have been pushed out of the job that I love and the promotion that I have fought hard for has been put on hold - as I am 53 next week I think I can write that one off now. Both of my parents died of cancer so I long ago came to realise how precious life is. BC stinks and it is an annoyance to be got through. I am not brave and do not want to inspire anyone - would just like my life back please.
Hi
We are all different and having come through this year I realise how many stages I have been through emotionally. I am still going through them now. Heck, In one day I can get through the entire lot, anger, grief, anxiety, euphoria, acceptance, aggression, joy- and everything in between. There are times when I have put my life on hold to get through and times when I have accepted that every day is vital and I must live it to the full. To be honest it is exhausting living life deliberately,
As for Noel Edmonds- I watched that deal or no deal. I found it patronising. The girl looked great, but was obviously devastated by her cancer. Life did not pay her back by letting her win loads of money, because life is sh*t at times. He is smug, but I didn’t have to watch, it was my choice. So I am not going to moan too much about it.
Pinkification. Well it’s a marketing tool, I highly effective one. Not all women are pink and fluffy, but it gets
donations in. Just like they put only cute children and animal on other charity adds. Comic relief is the prime manipulator of emotions to get money, it works and I don’t begrudge giving it, just because I know I have been
manipulated. I think there is an imbalance in breast cancer awareness though. Perhaps too much pink and fluffy
and not enough stark reality at times and probably complete lack of understanding of secondary cancer in a lot of people. I am not a personal fan of pink and fluffy, but I think my strong feelings against it are actually my strong
feelings against the disease it represents, which is why I wore black and grey for the 5 mile challenge last Sunday, surrounded by pink bras etc. But it is personal choice again.
Sorry if I have gone on a bit. Hooe it is sunny where you are.
Debx
SCACO, yup, I’m with you. I’ve had enough life-changing and life-affirming moments, I didn’t need any more thank you very much. I also don’t need anyone to tell me I’m brave (I’m not, I’m just getting on with dealing with the crap I have to deal with), I’m not strong (I cry about it and I get scared, and I fall apart), I’m not inspirational (what would I inspire anyone to do because I have cancer that I couldn’t inspire them to do without it?) and I’m really just a grumpy cow who is fed up with having life interrupted by such an intrusive disease and such intrusive treatment. Bah humbug, I hate Christmas too.
That said, I won’t knock anyone who HAS managed through their own strength and determination to make some changes in their life to improve things. But I give credit to YOU, the person, I refuse to give any credit at all to this stupid horrible [insert expletive] disease. It wasn’t CANCER that changed your life, IT WAS YOU, so give yourselves some praise for being the person you are and making your life what it is. In truth, cancer might have been a catalyst, but YOU made those changes yourself, so you deserve to take all the praise for yourself.
I hope Noel Edmunds doesn’t have to come close to cancer in his personal life, though if it does perhaps it will make him realise how VERY annoying his trite comments are. Get me a bucket, quick.
Doesn’t this thread just show how different we all are - and that women with BC don’t fit into some homogenous mold? Whether it is ‘tragic figure,’ ‘saint,’ whatever? And not just that, but the dichotomy within us- there are moments I’m sure, when even people who feel that BC has in some ways been a positive experience, have felt scared, or perhaps angry, maybe resentful, or quite simply tired and p***ed off!
Glad I have discovered what the reference to NE was though, having caught the tail end of it on another thread…I was finding it slightly surreal! And Mr Edmunds, if you are reading this…even battered by a BC diagnosis, my mind befuddled by chemicals, and my eyes blurry with steroids - you are still unwatchable, your career high-point having been ‘Swop Shop,’ and even then only looking credible in comparison to the inane ‘Cheggers…’
Off to enjoy the sunshine and a lovely dog walk with the children now, and then hopping to find an episode of ‘Come Dine with Me,’ that I haven’t already seen!!
Tracey
X
Never could stand the bloke right back to the swap shop days. mr blobby, that awful show when some poor bloke died when a stunt went wrong and thrust 2.
Well said everyone, it’s a bloody awful thing to happen to us - really felt shocked when told ( over the phone) I’d got BC - put myself on such a pedistal that it simply couldn’t happen to me ! far to busy and ( self important). BC or any cancer is no respecter of age or station in life, it ‘hits’ the good as well as the bad, poor as well as the rich , the discontent and the satisfied.
What it does do is make you take a good hard look at your life and values, well it did for me, and thats my point we really do all feel so differently . After 6 months off work I was two weeks into a phased return only to have a massive multiple pulminary embolism then a pretty impressive heart attack. If it hadn’t been for four brilliant paramedics and fantastic Doctors in A.E I simply wouldn’t be here today - it really was that close. So maybe thats why I treat BC with less emphasis than I used to. Even forgot about it during prolonged tests for heart last week ( much to the radiologist concern - perhaps she should have read my notes!) but for me it was a real mile stone.
I do try and make everday count but like everyone here we do it a day, hour, second at a time what I feel today I may not identify with tomorrow. I try to make situations work for me and that was a piece of advice I got from a dear friend however difficult the task try and find and angle that makes it work for you … but I’m b… er if I could manage it if I where a child or young mum or someone with people depending on my survival.
Was it Jamie Fox - the actor from Back to the Future who said everyone has a bag of nails to carry and MS was his particular bag of nails.
TSR, how could you? CHEGGERS?! I thought I’d buried that particular TV personality deep in the mists of time and you go and bring him back. Euwwwwghphphttt!!!
Lazydaisy, I’m saying to myself “I don’t know how she copes” and yet you do, and you’re probably saying that about other people.
We cope, because we have to, and BECAUSE WE’RE ALL BRILLIANT!
Hugs to all
CM
x
I’ve never thought of cancer as being a 'blessing in disguise ’ but ‘stuff’ happends and we have to deal with it. Believe me I’m not ungrateful for people who fund raise just dont want to be one …yet
I just thought I would butt in and give you my two penneth worth. I’m in total agreement with what others have said about the pinkification of cancer but it’s more than that.
It isn’t just being told we are an inspiration that I object to, it’s also the notion that everyone seems to have nowadays which goes along the lines of that because some people get better, everyone does. Well here is the thing, I’m not going to get better. I’m happy for those that are but hearing about all those so called inspirational people just makes me feel like shit and there’s a tiny part of me that feels guilty for not getting better. If it’s brave and inspirational to survive are they saying it’s cowardly and setting a bad example to not survive.
I thought there was something fishy about that girl’s story anyway. I’m no expert but as she had only just finished chemo, and given the fact that cancer can be notoriously difficult to detect on scans, do oncologists usually give the ‘in remission’ diagnosis so quickly. Would they not have more than one scan and other tests over a period of at least a few months? I might be wrong, maybe they can tell from one scan with her particular type of cancer, but is there a possibility that the production company asked her to put a more positive spin on it.
Crawfo64,
I am sorry about your prognosis. I agree with you. When people ask ‘how are you?’ They want to be told, ‘Great thanks!’ or ‘Fine thanks, how are you?’ What they don’t want to hear is…‘I feel crap,’ or ‘I’m scared,’ or, ‘I am not going to get better, but thanks for asking anyway…’ We are made to feel like we are letting the side down somehow, but not having brave, smiling faces all the time. And it is the same I suppose with ‘getting better.’ The inference is almost that by ‘not getting better,’ you are failing yourself, and other people.
But, despite some thoughtless remarks sometimes, most people have their hearts in the right place, even if their feet are in their mouths! Cancer is just a very scary illness - for those of us who have it, and for the people around us. I was talking to someone at a party a couple of weeks ago, who is in his seventies, and he was asking me about chemo, as that is what he is facing, and is obviously very scared, and he was saying what a relief it was, that nowadays people actually spoke about it. It was not that many years ago, when people would not say the C word out loud. The flip side of this I guess, is when you have people like NE making crass remarks, presumably never having been in the position themselves,
Tracey
X