Just, well, completely agree with everything in this thread. ‘Journey’ my butt, ‘inspirational’…vomit. Grr…mumble…
crawfo64 just to say that i have been given the all clear of cancer in my body from one scan, must say it is hard to take on board but they do say it.
Hey ladies, I agree about the pink and fluffy and the annoying ‘your an inspiration’ comments. I’m also sick and tired of trying to relax in front of the telly to try and ‘forget’ BC when either a cancer advert comes on or somebody dies of cancer in a TV show… Is there no escape?!! However, I do wonder how I was before diagnosis, if I was one of those who thought sufferers were inspirational - nobody really understands or appreciates how awful it is until it happens to you.
As for NE - cut him some slack, not only is he clueless regarding BC, but he’s a man, and as lovely as they are (and mine has been a completed star) they do respond differently. Mind you, I still can’t forgive him for Blobby!
Sazx
Crawfo64, you have hit the nail on the head. The whole schtick about ‘just be positive and you’ll get better’, the insistance on being ‘inspirational’ and on a happy ending just adds to the burden that we already have. I’m sorry you are not going to recover and I hope you will be able to enjoy as much life as possible without the burden of unreasonable expectations from other people.
What I hate is the assumption that it all happens automatically, rather than being the result of pain and hard work. Some women with BC do inspire others, but I bet it wasn’t easy and that their main intention was never being inspirational. The same with changing your life and dragging something positive even from having cancer–it’s not automatic and it’s not easy; let’s give the people who do this their full credit.
It’s hard to find the balance between encouraging someone with a lump or a fresh diagnosis whose first thought may be ‘I’m going to die’ and bearing in mind that some of us will die of BC. The suggestion that someone is at fault or not trying hard enough or any of the other sh’t that some people say or imply is simply wrong.
Cheryl
Oh so well said Cheryl - I’m so enjoying this thread started by SCACO.
What is so special is that we can say how we feel without causing offence - not always easy .People really should read what they type before pressing the 'submit ’ tab ( me included). Well done girls you could teach some ‘good internet manners’ to a few on this site. Right I’m off to bed ,yes I know its only 20.04 but I’m tired with a capital K so night night and God bless …assuming there is one!
Hatty. I wasn’t sure about the scan thingy. I stand corrected. I’m sorry if I offended anyone, it is a very difficult line to draw. I don’t want to make anyone feel bad or worry anyone unnecessarily. Statistically, most women with bc do get better, just not all, and it’s the idea that you are somehow complicit in your recovery or lack of it that I find offensive.
I LIKE DEAL OR NO DEAL
There I have said it, can’t help it, yes I know I must need counselling but there you go!.
Crawfo (and others) I so agree on how offensive it can be when people talk about the importance of positive thinking. It is never implied that people with (say) heart disease can or should get themselves better with the power of positive thinking!
The secret is not to take any notice of the nonsense that NE puts out - he always goes overboard about something, just the time you watched it happened to involve a cancer ‘survivor’
Other times it’s some other ‘sob story’ just to get the audience cheering for the person in the chair and booing the ‘banker’.
Re the person who inadvertantly annoyed some people about getting out in the fresh air instead of watching TV, I can remember how I used to hate when people told me that, because when I was on chemotherapy I literally couldn’t move from the sofa some days, and my back garden was too overgrown to sit out in.
Great thread ladies. Even before I joined this group I always liked the title of Nigella’s first husband’s book ‘Cowards get Cancer too’. But still never thought I’d ever get it and now I realise I was a pretty awful friend to anyone going through anything like this. But its coming back to bite me on the bum. I’ve got great family and friends, great sisters who have had a steep learning curve but are great at bouncing back every time I have a meltdown, they don’t know what to do initially but they very quickly learn. DON’T DO THE EVERYONE IS ASKING ABOUT YOU – its like freaking jungle drums and nobody is phoning me. I also have a colleague at work who physically squirms when I’m about because she ‘doesn’t know what to say’. Have to say I feel like giving her a slap, but then I remember I wasn’t much better before this. If anything good comes of this I will be a better friend.
Also agree in part with the pink/charity thing. My younger sister took up running last year and did the Tesco run and felt a little left out cos she had no-one in the family that she could have on the t-shirt. She said that she could have me on her t-shirt this year – no freaking way, I had to say, trying to be calm. I’m not dead, and although I think its great that so much money is raised by these things, I’m not going to be defined by this. I’m not going to the face on anybody’s pink t-shirt!!
And I do know where staycalm is coming from. I was totally happy with my life before this and didn’t need it to be grateful for my days. I remember being in for the second biopsy – 9 samples from one tiny area, and scaring the mammogram people by shouting ‘fk, I have such a lovely life’. Done all the divorce, unsuccessful infertility treatments etc, but recently remarried to a lovely man, have the first job in my life that I really love, all sorted really, then this.
Ho hum. On a positive note, it does make you realise who your real friends are.
Sheil
crawford64, Didnt take offence at your post was just saying how i was told i was clear after 1 scan which i think is quite mad.I still have 6 more scans to go and yet told clear after one. I dont feel that safe but it shows how it can be said. I dont feel that we are ever really clear until the day comes when they find a cure. It is so easy to type on a forum and things dont quite sound as they are meant to.
The other thing thats mad someone can be told they are all clear and within 3,6,9, months its back again so where they ever really clear…
Not wanting to burst anyones bubble but whats this ‘all clear’ malarky? Do I need to worry - as my surgeon and ONC said that there was no such thing!!! and they were speaking generally not just about me personally. So hate it when people come up and say ‘have you had the all clear’ as if it was all a bad dream and now it’s over… sorry abit of a wingy mood today.
Hi everyone,
I am confused/frustrated by the term “all clear” too. My Oncologist told me last year that the WLE had taken away the cancer (great!) but then they go on to say let them know if I notice anything that worries me, etc, and I’m left thinking “Oh, so it’s not definite that the cancer has all gone”?? Therefore most aches and pains become scary, and I get SO fed up with myself about it. I don’t say too much to OH as he’s such a positive man, thank goodness, and pooh-poohs any fears about his heart prob, or cancer coming back, I know my worries don’t show on the outside, I won’t let them, but sometimes the inner turmoil is awful. Guess lots of you can equate with that? Cancer certainly didn’t change my life for the better…added to which I have a dodgy thyroid, and circulation since my treatment began! So… brave? I TRY to be, but really just want to say “S** off and never return” to cancer! (For ALL of us!)
Heather.xx
P.S Think NE is a smug t***p, too!
Sorry for going on a bit…just having a bit of a fragile day. I did have a lovely hour at my coffee morning today, and everyone was so nice, I should be happy as Larry!
I KNOW you will all understand, it’s just how it is some days, isn’t it?
xx
All clear !!! all clear my a**e …if we can get the ‘all clear’ then WT* can we not get life insurance again that includes cover for cancer!!! or why can’t i swapped private health insurance companies and still get cover for treament… balls
you can see waht sort of day I am having …I am not feeling brave…I am not glad of all that has happened I WANT MY OLD LIFE BACK xxx
I agree, Rhian!
Oh, regarding my above comments, I know I shouldn’t have typed S**, (sorry for that Moderators ), but I thought twerp was fine? Even my dear Mum would say that from time to time. It reminds me of an advert I typed for a local “Ads” paper, it wouldn’t accept my wording for some young chicks as " beautiful little balls of fluff"! LOL! Thank goodness something has made me smile again this afternoon!
Love to all you FAB ladies.
xx
Thanks Half-Scottish
Just to make you smile “Its clear as mud”
Lsdies try to have a good evening and push cancer to the back of the mind for 5 mins spoil yourself for the NOW as thats all any of us have is the Now. Im going to have some choccy and a glass of coke and maybe something else that i fancy later. naughty and nice.
Halfscottish, I don’t know about you but I think we still need a “Steam Room” somewhere we can let off a little Sh…T etc… x
normal service has been resummed 
been for a walk with the Dogs, seen a kingfisher and a glass of wine beckons once the sun passes over the yardarm
have a good evening wonderful ladies
r x