Hi, I’m very new to this… On the 12th September last year i was due to start university, my dad became Ill the weekend before so I spent the weekend next to his bed in hospital and on the day I was suppose to start uni he passed away. It was all a bit of a shock really and the thought that i was missing out on the crucial part of settling in to uni, finding where i needed to go and make friends, I was at home planning a funeral with my brother and sister (my mum and dad are divorced). Two week after my dad passed my mum told me she had breast cancer invasive ductal carcinoma… I had literally just decided I was ready to start uni. My work is now suffering I got 3 a’s at college and now I’m getting 3rds and 2;2s at the highest. I’ve not made hardly any friends and the friends I did have seem to have all vanished as they probably don’t want to put up with my problems. Now 5 months on my mum has had 2 rounds of chemo and lost her hair but I just feel so lost and getting angry at everyone for no reason, I haven’t even managed to deal with the grief of my dad yet never mind that my mum is Ill and I know her chances are good but im still terrified she’s going to die and Il be left with no parents before I’m even 21.
Anyway I think that is pretty much rant over alsO can ibbe tested for the faulty gene if my mum is the only one with bc as my nanna had a benign lump and so did my sister and niece
Thanks
Just on phone but wanted to give you a hug. many years ago my mum was ill with bowel cancer when I was at uni so I sympathise.
Hi there, what a terrible time you are going through! My my
Has just been diagnosed with breast cancer and she is still having scans etc at the mo to determine treatment! The helpline on this site is amazing I called them yesterday and talked and talked and they were amazing! Maybe it will help you to have someone to talk to?! Sending you lots of love and positivity at this awful time xxxxx
That was meant to say my mum
Hi Blinklover
I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. Just when you need the support to start a new chapter in life, all this has come at once. No wonder you feel lost and angry. Sometimes this is what happens to us in life, we get the dreadful things all together! The positive thing is your mum has now started her plan of treatment to get her through it all and on the road to recovery. She will get through and so will you. It’s all very frightening and you don’t know where to turn and that is why the helpline will be a good idea for you. I am 2 years from being diagnosed next month and I’m still here! Keep your chin up, lovely. You will find strength for you and your mum, I know you will. Private message me if I can help at all.
Sending a big hug and one for your mum as well. Tell her we’ll be thinking of you both on this website.
Love Ami xx
Hi Blinklover and welcome to the BCC forums
As your fellow users have mentioned, you may find it helpful to call our helpline where you can talk things through with one of our team, they are here to offer you further support and a listening ear on 0808 800 6000, lines are open 9-5 weekdays and 9-2 Sat.
Take care
Lucy
Thankyou for you lovely comments. I’m no good at talking to people my uni are really good I’ve had counselling cbt and art therapy! I just want to rewind to august and everything be planned put differently 
That’s totally understandable that you feel that way! I have started to feel quite angry about my
Mums situation and I’m not coping at all, I have found it difficult talking about it but I have friends that kinda make me as they know what I am like and when I do I actually feel a slight relief. I can only understand what your going through with your mum as you have had a real horrible and unkind double whammy but if
You can find the strength to talk to someone even its a little bit at a time I guarantee you will gradually start to feel better and at ease!! Always here if you ever need talk xxxxx
Just to reassure you that these things happen at all stages of life. I have just taken early retirement from a lifetime in teaching. I retired last August and in September my mother-in-law told me she had a cyst type thing under her bust. On going to her GP she was referred to the dermatologist and it was removed as a benign tumour. As it was taking longer than usual to heal she went back to GP who said the hospital should take another look. Only there they spotted her inverted nipple, quite obvious to anyone that saw it, and that lead to an eventual diagnosis of inflammatory breast cancer in early February. Since then I have spent all my newly found ‘spare’ time in one waiting room or another. Not the way I had intended to spend my retirement. No idea what she would have done had I not retired early - maybe that was why!You are young and have time to gather your thoughts and support your mum, but please do speak to someone.
Hi Blinkover
So sorry to hear what you are going through. As well as the suggestions above, can the counselor or personal tutor at the university offer a way forward to help you over the next few months?
For example it may be better if you took some time off, and started the course again in the autumn. That way you get some space and time to come to terms with everything, and can then re-start on a better footing, or maybe you can defer some of the work…I am sure tehre will be an option that will work out for you
All the best
Sarah
Hi Blinklover, just sending big hugs x
p.s. I like Blink182 too and I’m 53
I had the option to defer but I thought it would male things worse being sat at home and then adding another year onto my studies. I have applied for extenuating circumstances so I do have longer to do my work if wanted and I can also resit work without being capped at 40%. I just don’t think it will help really, I’m just not happy at home and spending more and more time on my own and don’t know why
Yay blink are awesome they never fail to make me smile! I’m hoping I bump into them in las Vegas!
I just feel so alone right now
Hi Blinklover
I am sorry that you are having such a rough time
I have 3 children and have been diagnosed with breast cancer
I have a daughter at uni too and she has found it all difficult as we are very close
It has been made worse by the fact that my son her brother has a very unusual and large brain tumour and is about to have his 3rd op soon
I feel for you telling her the news that I had BC was very difficult as she was already in turmoil about her brothers diagnosis
she has gone for counselling at college and after she got a letter from our GP to confirm that her problems were real the university have been supportive
I cant speak for your mum but all I wanted from my daughter was that she tried to continue her studies as best she can
Although i dont know your Mums situation remember for a lot of women they are able to recover and live a full life, although anxiety is always difficult to deal with
perhaps i could ask my daughter to talk to you on a thread if you think it would help
lots of love
poppy x
Hi blinklover
I have a 20 yr old daughter (21 in 4 weeks) anyway she is at college and find the whole in with me having cancer very hard… She also has issues with metal health problems… ED, SH and depression and thesis my third time with BC and tbh I’m more concerned about her than about the BC.
With regards the gene testing I carry brca2 mutation daughter is going to see genetic counsellor on Friday as has a 50:50 chance of inheriting this gene from me which is another worry for us both. In your situation with only one person having breast cancer then you wouldn’t be at an increased risk… But depending on her age and the type of breast cancer it may be something you and her could discuss with the genetics team.
Generally speaking to be at an increased risk enough to qualify for genetic testing yur mum would have to fit into one of the following criteria… Be under 40 with triple negative breast cancer, have both breast and ovarian cancers at any age or come from a family with 4 or more breast or ovarian cancers… Genetic breast cancer is rare and ink around 5% of breast cancers are genetic.
Take care