Not coping with liver met dx help

I am usually so strong but have convinced myself I am a goner x palliative nurse chatted on fri re death etc and I can’t stop crying cos I am convinced that as my cancer spread while still on treatment that that’s it. Terrified and ill thinkin bout my Kids. Havin proba with partner that have always been there but worse x he went out yest at midday and still out. Had three Kids and a
bug on my own. Think becoming depressed and want to fight it

Hi Signet,
it sounds like you certainly have alot on your mind and a heck of a lot to cope with. Right now you need to concentrate on one thing at a time, I know that this will be soo difficult, probably the hardest thing that you have done, but for the sake of you you must. Try to put your concerns into categories and prioritise which ones you will address first, writing it down may help as you can write your feelings down too, write some good stuff also if you can.
I dunno if my advice will help or if it is right for you but I want to help if I can.
As well as this you really need to try to chat with someone close or your bc nurse or the helpline on here as they are the professionals and I’m sure they have come across others in your position.
I hope you feel better soon, don’t be on your own in this, I’m sure some more of the lovely ladies on here will be along soon with advice for you too. Stay in touch, believe that you can beat this blip and don’t let it rule your thoughts…ohhh I do hope this has helped and not made you feel even worse I would hate that…it is so difficult helping someone you don’t know
Hugs for you and your kids Sue xx

Thanks it just helps tellin someone xxxx I will try writing list as it makes sense. So stressed and feel cancer takin over my life. Feel guilty for my kids with their dad such a selfish weak man. I called help line thurs and they were great but I ended up back down again after seein the nurse. X

Oh Signet

You have a lot to deal with and it must be so difficult and more so as your partner isn’t there when you most need him. Looking at your pic, your babies look so cute - you have to try and remain positive for them.

Sending you lots of positive vibes and hugs


I’m sorry you are feeling so bad Signet. I haven’t got liver mets but bone mets, I have been transfered to a Palliative care consultant. Which disturbed me a bit. My first appointment was last week in a Hospice. I felt like I was going to panic whilst waiting to see the Doctor. However, I soon realised it was because palliative care doctors and nurses are very good at symptom control, not because things were worse then I thought. The doctor did ask me if I had made arrangements for my children, as I am on my own with three boys. I answered that I had. That threw me a little bit but I realised that they are there to help if I needed to talk about that side of things.

I understand from your other posts that you have been upset by this type of talk from nurses before. I think you need to tell them that you do not want to discuss it. Be firm.

I understand about the guilt and children. Its not our fault though and we muddle through. I think you are in a dark place and really do need to find the right person to help you. Please phone the help line tomorrow and hopefully get some advice.

I wish I could say something to comfort you as the panic you are in is familiar to most of us and its such a hard place to be.

Thinking of you.

Paula x

Hi Signet, hope you begin to feel a bit more positive soon. I remember when I was first diagnosed with secondaries 3 years ago the District Nurses that came to deal with my mastectomy kept going on about counselling for me and the children to prepare them for my demise, I was absolutely horrified and told them it was too soon to think about that. I have recently had dealings with District Nurses again due to having wounds from a hip op and spine op (due to bone mets) and again they started on the “I would like to continue to visit you just to make sure you are coping mentally” malarky and I told them in no uncertain terms that I have many friends that I can talk to and that I didn’t need them. They took some persuading but eventually I got rid of them so I know how you feel. Tell them to get lost, you need to acentuate the positve now not look on the bleaker side of life. There are many people living for a long time with liver mets and new treatments are coming along, so don’t give up hope - it ain’t over till the fat lady sings!

Best wishes

Hi Signet,
Glad you replied, I was scared I may make things worse.
Good idea to make the list, at least you don’t have to carry it all in your head when you can release it all onto paper, it also means that when you find someone to talk to about it you have it all there and can see all that you want to say. Another thing is you can cross things off the list when they get better. Can you tell I’m a list kind of person!!!
Positive vibes to you
Sue xx

Aw thanks all so much xx god that sounds so
like my situation with the nurses. I know
they can’t give false hope but she bluntly said it’s not good once it’s in the liver and has got me convinced I will die soon. Maybe I do need the visits to stop and focus on life again.

Lists are good for me as my head so jumbled and so many things I am tryin to handle with No spare time.

My bf has just turned up steaming drunk so have left him in living room reeking. He had cheek to say his pal was upset as his dad has cancer so he
was looking after him. Thanks a lot.

I just need a padded room and a good screaming session x

Hi signet

It sounds like you’re having a pretty tough time at the moment.

If you would like to talk things through and just have a listening ear the staff on the helpline are there to offer emotional support as well as practical information so do give them another call. The number is 0808 800 600 and the lines are open Monday to Friday 9 to 5 and Saturday 9 to 2.

Best wishes
Sam, BCC Facilitator

Hi Signet, Just read this thread through and wanted to let you know that I too have liver and spine mets. It was diagnosed in January after 18 years, so I know how you feel with regard to being in a really bad place. It also sounds as if you need some support from outside, but not the nursing staff etc. That’s exactly how I felt when they said they would put me in touch with the Macmillan nurse etc. However, they never did, so I haven’t bothered either apart from speaking to someone about a blue badge for my car. I have to say she was lovely and very helpful (and I got it last week). But we didn’t talk about my dying etc. I’ve been on chemo weekly for the last nine weeks (my 10th today) So far, the tumours have shrunk a bit and hopefully by the end, they’ll have shrunk some more. That put me on a downer because I feel so well now, so I thought they should have shrunk more, but at least he didn’t tell me that it’s not working and also they haven’t spread. So don’t believe that you are in danger of imminent demise like I did. Have you been on the Liver secondaries thread? There are loads of lovely ladies on there all with the same problem as us, they’re a wonderful support and you are not alone. If I can do anything to help or you just want to talk, please let me know. Sending you lots of hugs and love. Dianne x x x

Hi signet, I know it’s hard when you are having such a tough time but you need to let the nurses know they need to really back off with the all the dying talk. (as BoneyL did…I would have done the same!)
None of us knows how long we have. The nurses have absolutely no idea how you will respond to treatment…if this was the case I would be asking them for next week’s winning lottery numbers. It’s not about being head in the sand it’s about needing hope to enable you to go forward and live.
You can live many years with liver mets…there are many women living years with liver mets.
If I had those depressing nurses everytime I went to hospital they would drive me nuts…and thoroughly depress me.
Good Luck and Love…xx

Hi Signet

Sorry to read you are in that dark place. I was dx with liver mets and bc at the same time in July 07 and then had 3 x FEC and 3 x Taxotere, then went on herceptin for 2 years now on herceptin and capacitabine (xeloda). Get my latest scan results on wednesday.

I too have 2 young kids (6 and 3) and it is hard to look at them and think you not gonna see them grow up. But on the other hand they keep me going, give me the reason to keep on fighting.

I had a macmillan nurse come visit me after my dx, but I wasnt ready to for that and the thought that they didnt think I had long, but 3 years down the line I am still here and fighting.

I am sorry your partner is not being supportive to you, and hope that he realises what he is doing to you.

If you got any questions, fire away and just try to bounce back and keep on fighting.

Big hugs

Hi Signet,

Sorry you are having such a difficult time. I’ve been following the rubbish and depressing talks by your nurse, too. Also been on the receiving end of such from a friend. Sometimes, they just don’t know what on earth they are doing and need to be told.

I’m not too long after my liver mets dx either, so still trying to come to terms with it all. There was a brief period of hope that once treatment start, the cancer will be dealt with. And then, I’m finding myself really struggling with the SE of chemo. For the 1st time since initial dx, I actually wanted to give up the fight. And then, just as I thought I was at my breaking point, I forced myself to do something I’ve really enjoyed and seems to have crawled out of the big hole for now.

Having 2 friends round tonight and hoping they will cheer me up even more. It’s so difficult when we are coping with this on our own and nobody seems to understand how we feel. We really need some true friends who can carry us through those rough patches and keep us going… and there’re lots of us on this site.

Lots of love and hugs coming your way


Thanks xxx I am glad ur pals came to see you and I feel for u so much x I can understand wanting to give up and being in such a dark place. I have been floored with avery nasty bug today so not had time to think about Death and I am goin to try hard from now to stick two fingers up and fight it, my Kids deserve it xxxx so disappointed by the entirely negative approach from the nurses and dread goin in tom but have to. I feel they have simply worsened things for me since dx.

Spoke to BCN today and bein referred to the psychologist at western in Edinburgh x x hoping it will help

u take care and keep going xxxx we can’t let this vicious disease win

Hi Signet,
Good attitude re deciding to fight back, well done you!! :slight_smile:
Sorry to hear of the bug - hope you feel better very soon. Good luck with the psychologist I’m sure that will help, you need all the support you can get at the mo…hope it all goes well for you. Everyone here is with you too. Hope the nurses are not so unkind tomorrow and you get one who has a better bedside manner an a positive attitude.
Your kids look like a bundle of fun and will definately be the ones who keep you trucking on.
Here’s to some better days for you and forget what the nurses said…it’s you who can fight this thing and you will…stay strong, stay positive and stay alive in every sense of the word
Hugs xxxxxxxx Suze xxxxx

Hi Signet and Everyone else, So glad you’ve decided to fight back and hope you are ok when you have your visit today. We are all thinking of you and keeping everything crossed. Take care and let us all know how you are.

Lots of love and hugs to everyone. Dianne x x x

Thanks again girls but today was no
better despite my palliative nurse supposedly talking to them. The nurse asked was I
staying in touch with work mates and I said yes some
and she then in her wisdom looked at me in a pitying way and said ‘you won’t be back to work Lynn, you do realize that? There isn enough time’

I could SCREAM

i try so hard to get back to me and they floor
me at every turn. If I speak out I am not coping, if I am open about it they go quiet and act all pathetic and over wrought. They tell me off for doing stuff with my kids. If I
am bubbly and happy they say it’s ok to cry - what is this? A conspiracy to make
me crumble and waste away? What happened to encouraging the fight???


and my aunt died today! Maybe next year will be good - ifni
make it that far of course

sorry just feel that lot are ruining me instead of supporting me

some service

Signet, so sorry for the loss of your aunt. My condolences to you and your family.


Thanks xxxx I am ok but it’s just a bad time bless her

Hi Signet,
How flippin daresomeone say that to you…no one knows how much time anyone has left yet and I mean anyone She had no right whatsoever to put any kind of timescale to you.
Anyway you don’t sound like someone who’s about to throw the towel in so keep fighting…we are all still right behind you hun, do whatever you want with your kids, no one can tell you otherwise…we are adults and sometimes I think medical people sometimes forget that.
We are fighters and crusaders, stay strong and positive and look after yourself, you deserve a treat cos you’ve had a rotten week.
So sorry to hear of your aunts passing, my thoughts are with you
Hugs Suze xx