Not knowing the Unknown

Hi everyone I’m Amanda I’m 47 , its D Day for me tomorrow finding out if I have breast cancer …how do I feel ? Frightened emotional want to shout (why me ) then I listen to my partner saying Benno (that’s my username Benno 449 ) why 449 -house number ? …will get it sorted there on to it …you ran the muddy run last week and all those thousand of people are or have been affected by cancer and he’s right isn’t he …july 4th 2016 has been a life changing event for me and what ever the outcome I will fight it … ???

Hi Benno , is a scary time and the not knowing is so much worse and your partner is right ,treatment these days is so much better and whatever the outcome it will be dealt with . This forum is fab with people who will be able to answer any of your questions as you move forward on your journey good luck and keep in touch xx

Hi Tracey thank you for replying I don’t want to shy away from what could be a life changing experience for me … I think I’ve lost a stone in the last 10 days through not knowing …great I can now get in my dresses that are sitting in my wardrobe ?? I let you know how I get on tomorrow xx

Hiya benno
Welcome to a site that offers kindness and support.
Keeping fingers and toes crossed for you and that you will b fine.
There is something here for everyone that has to start this journey.
Hugs xxx

Thank you Carolyn I find talking has helped me. never less it’s not helping my aniexty , please please tell me it will get better …lack of sleep is awful ( Benno loves her sleep ) ???

Benno
All I can suggest is a big glass of something tonight ( not tea!) And a nice hot bath maybe.
But at least u will have answers tomorrow.
Please let us know the results though.
Hugs xxx

most defiantly Carolyn goes without saying …2 glasses of brandy in Benno,s tonight it shall be whoop whoop ?Xx??

Well d day arrived , 2 specialist nurses are sitting there as I walk in the room - give away? , and my journey right there began ,! I’ve been given my diognoses stage 2 lymph something (sorry I couldn’t remember what the consultant said)   early stages he said .  Next step MRI to establish what course of treatment . 1 a lumpectomies with 3x radiotherapy or 2 mastectomy with chemo  the mri with tell me this .  How do I feel .? Strange as it is the aniexty suddenly went  and I was at ease , I looked at ,my partners face and the shock he was convinced I’d be ok  and ??

 I came out the room to be taken to another room with the speciast nurse and Neil (partner)  Did I want to cry weird as it sounds no ,I was just relieved I knew what I had and to be told we will get you better it is treatable /curable and your going to have a hurdle to cross some good some not so good .  After being there a hour and trying to take this in we finally went home , Neil can’t beleive how calm I am ,why I ask myself ! Because no matter how angry I get, my cancer isn’t just going to go away I got to live with it ive got to deal with it I !!!

My next  hurdle telling my two boys 19/14 . Positive attitude kicked in , my oldest said mum your a strong lady determined we gonna kick @ss …my youngest said he’s getting his head around it but his worst fear is losing me ?? and doesn’t want me in hospital along time . After many phone calls and then sleeping what seemed for eternity i woke up feeling very emotional and jotting this down I can’t stop crying .  I’m aware this is normal and my emotions will be up and down like a yo yo.  Benno,s motto is live life to the max ,I swear by it , and you know what I am ?

 knowing the unknown has arrived and my next journey begins .  ???️xx Amanda

Hiya benno
Sorry u have had the bad news and u r living the nightmare of it all. To begin with u will feel confused by medical stuff and not take it all in.
Now …you have to go through these threads the right way …step by step as you start the journey. U will find ladies in the same boat at each thread which will help u as u hit each stage.
I usually lurk on secondary threads so u will probably find other ladies to support u but I will try to keep in touch along the way.
Try to focus on it all and u will b fine.
Hugs xx???

Thanks Carole ,il get my head around this forum I keep going into discussions that effectively perhaps dosnt relate to me … Benno’s motto ( live for today ) and I am and I will xxx

Hiya benno
The first place u need to go is :
“I am recently diagnosed” and then the treatment threads step by step.
This section isnt visited much by members as its very old so u r not going to get many replies.
Once u get into the recently diagnosed thread …introduce yourself and you will find so much support and kindness there and there are lots of community champions like myself waiting to support you through the dark days of dx …
Hugs and I will try to stay with you as much as possible.
Xxxx

Hi Benno . so sorry to hear your news but now you know and a plan will soon be in action you will get through this sounds like you have a lovely family , when i was first diagnosed i burst into tears at the drop of a hat but it soon passed and since first surgery been calmer . Good luck and keep posting it really helps xx

Hi Benno,

 

As the others have said, investigate the “I am recently diagnosed” boards and the monthly chemo section should that be your fate. They are pretty active areas and you will find lots of support from people at all different stages of the process. 

 

Your situation sounds a lot like mine almost this time last year. I was diagnosed on 21st July 2015 but feared the worst from a few weeks earlier. The first few weeks are the hardest as many will tell you. Once you have a treatment plan in place it becomes easier. I finished chemo at end of January this year, had second lot of surgery early March and am now on Taxomifen. Apart from some aches and pains which would seem to be common for people going through it all, I’m really starting to feel pretty good again and optimistic. I’m just retuned from a few days holiday in Denmark, some days walking up to ten miles a day. From where you are standing now it must seem terrifying but you can do it. I was the biggest coward ever when I started all this and would never have thought I could cope but here I am enjoying life. Cliche though it is, it’s certainly reinforced for me what’s really important in life. 

 

Much strength to you. Hope to see more of you around the boards getting support and, I’m sure, supporting others.

 

Ruth xx