Hi , finding things hard sometimes, I had lumpectomy in March 2023, followed by chemotherapy and then completed radiotherapy December 2023. I have been on tamoxofin and they have changed my medication to letrozole. This year i have suffered from fatigue, hot flushes , brain fog etc. I have just about got my strength back in my right side where i had the operation. Throughout my diagnosis and treatment i have had no family support, only my partner has supported me. Also no support or compassion from his family, this has really affected me. Also where i work have little understanding of menapause symptoms. Its just really hard sometimes. Just trying to move on but i know i will never get any support from familyx
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Hi. I’m so sorry you’re finding things difficult at the moment. Cancer is such a lonely journey sometimes. I think some people don’t know how to support someone with cancer or know what to say, therefore they do nothing. I’ve found this forum one is the best places for support, so keep talking to people on here. Have you got any support groups local to you? I asked my GP to put me in touch with someone to help with talking therapy when I had a meltdown coming up to the first mammogram after my treatment. It really helped. Try to remember you’re not alone, we’re all here for you.
Hi Claire,
Your post really resonated with me. I went through treatment during covid so support was difficult however still very noticeable that members of family and even a couple of friends gave little or no support. December 2023 I had to have surgery to have my reconstruction redone. This was a 3rd surgery in less than 4 months. We were meant to be hosting Christmas and my sister in law never contacted me for months I can only assume because we couldn’t host Christmas for them. Again very little support from family. A neighbour ran my daughter to school and picked her up for me. My MIL offered help for this 5 days before my surgery after all arrangements were already in place! I eventually went for some counselling to help me process my feelings about it all. It really helped and I focus on people in my life who are kind, understanding and supportive. Try to look for other ways to get support. Unfortunately family aren’t always the best ones, sad but true! Xx
Hi, yes i joined a support group which is helpful. I have read alot and learnt alot whilst going through treatment. Its just so hard sometimes being by yourself sometimes. I find it really hard that my family have not been there for me. Neither my sister or my mum have visited throughout my operation, chemotherapy or radiotherapy. My dad has been deceased for 10 years now and am still missing him. Life goes on and i know i will be ok but its hard. I have never had an explanation why they do not speak to me. Its nice to know i am not on my own and others are going through the same . Thankyou x
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I know how you feel, my heart goes out to you. I found a support group and it’s changed my perspective on life. We have such a laugh together meeting for two hours once a week, I don’t feel alone now and we talk about everything and support each other because we are all in it together.
Try and find a support group, it will help. Xx
The problem is you can look blooming with health even when you have terminal breast cancer. It is not much consolation to know this. Maybe people think it’s catching or it reminds them they may get it. I felt like I went through a door to the other side but I did have some consolation. When I got diagnosed had been told it was benign so I didn’t get a diagnosis for six months and it was the very devil to get an op. Which I had in Nov 2003, after finding a lump in June 2003. I got told in Dec 3003 it was cancer and I needed an op. I was left waiting for nearly two hours in a cold room with only a gown on, I said I have just had one, an op that was. And to meet government targets it had to be on 19 Dec! My elderly parents were joining me for Christmas and we had one toilet in the bathroom to share. By Christmas Eve I was back in hospital! Despite all this I survived for a further 19 years apparently cancer free until just after lockdown in 2023. New diagnosis in June of different version of breast cancer grade 2 NOS oestrogen positive.
Nobody seems remotely interested in my aches and pains, menopausal symptoms at 69 (I had the menopause at 54).
I am exercising a lot through gardening, walking the dog and running around after everyone else and look lightly tanned and very healthy for a 69 year old. My husband is a hypochondriac who has taken to his bed, the dog barks all the time and the central heating isn’t working on a freezing day on 12 January 25.
I am not going to rely in the NHS or anyone else to supply my self worth. I am a Warrior and the fact I look fine is neither here nor there! Pat yourself on the back, eat as healthily as you can afford/want to and have the best life you can.
Cancer is covered by employment law so just throw that at your employers if they are unsympathetic and play the cancer card if you need to. I have a disabled person travel card now which is useful for taking trains at off peak times. I also get attendance allowance but this is only payable if you are over retirement age which governments keep changing.
I worked for ages after diagnosis to get the best pension I could but I had no children which made life easier.
Sorry to go on so much about me but I have had years of battle experience now!
Seagulls
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I totally know where you are coming from and I can understand completely. I was angry for so long about this same situation but we have to remember that it is their problem and not ours. And I have found that support and understanding comes from unexpected places.
And this forum is brilliant as there is always someone who gets where you are coming from.
Sending love and hugs your way! X
Completely agree, @Seagulls that no one medical seems remotely interested in treatment related damage to us and side effects and how to help them (and my extensive research has taught me there is always something you can try, rather than nothing!) It’s like they just want to fob you off and wait until you tire of mentioning it, & go away. And yes, I’ve repeatedly been told that I don’t see or feel something I know I see or feel about my body as a result of surgery, because I ‘look fine’ and am ‘scrutinising’ my body and should ‘accept’ the issues. Scrutinising or not, I see and feel what I see and feel!! And no one ever made progress by ‘accepting’ they will always be in the same place.
I just tell the nurses and doctors outright that it’s not their body, it’s mine, I’ve no intention of ‘accepting’ less, I know what I feel and see, and I’m not going to stop telling them about it until they help me to resolve it. Got a new, brave oncologist as a result, who is so far, brilliant, and an unconventional, out of the box treatment plan, that will hopefully be better for me long term, as a result. Thankfully my family, friends and employer have been amazing, but medically at least, don’t be afraid to be your own advocate - fight for what you want and need. We’ve been through enough. 
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Hi Claire.S
Thank you for posting. It sounds as though you are having a difficult time with side effects of treatment and with moving forward following your diagnosis and treatment. It is understandable that you are finding it hard, and it is natural to feel upset if your family are not offering you the support that you need.
As @Shell_s and other posters have said sometimes family members don’t know what to say or do to support someone with cancer and worry that they may say the wrong thing. This may cause them to avoid you which can be hurtful and increase your sense of isolation. Sometimes it can help to talk to those close to you, to explain how you are feeling and what they can do to help you. If you don’t feel comfortable doing this, it can help to focus on finding support in other areas as @Simmo suggests.
As you have found through these forums it can help to share your experiences with others who may have been through something similar. We offer a range of other free supportive services for anyone who has had a diagnosis of breast cancer which you may be interested in. They include face to face and online courses and events such as our Someone Like Me service which can match you with a trained volunteer who’s had a similar experience to you.
You may also be interested in our Moving Forward resources that are for people who have had a diagnosis of primary breast cancer and have come to the end of their main hospital treatment within the last 2 years. They include our Moving Forward booklet and Moving Forward courses.
Through supportive, open conversations in a safe, confidential space, you’ll connect with people who understand. You’ll also find the tools you need to feel more empowered, confident and in control to begin to move forward with your life.
It may also be helpful to talk to your breast care nurse or GP about how you are feeling. They will be able to advise you of any other support groups or courses that are available locally and can refer you to talking therapies or complementary therapies if appropriate.
You may also find our information on managing hot flushes and fatigue helpful.
Do call our helpline if you would like to talk this through or have any further questions. The helpline team have time to listen, talk things through and signpost you to additional support and information if necessary. Your call will be confidential, and the number is free from UK landlines and all mobile networks. The number is 0808 800 6000, (Relay UK -prefix 18001).
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Best wishes
Katy
Breast Care Nurse
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