I have to hope that the panic will go as what after this could possibly frighten me. Thank you x
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Yes exactly this is my hope haha
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Such a wonderful post to read today. Thank you @sim2 very motivating for us all 
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@gezzab33 I felt so sad reading your post this morning - it took me right back. I am only just out the other side of the full gamut of treatment, and the only words of wisdom and encouragement I can offer you is that once you step on that train of active treatment, you are swept up and looked after and you just do everything thats asked of you. In its way it’s easier once treatment begins and you know what you are dealing with. It takes over your life completely, but there is a sort of simplicity in that. I don’t know what your treatment journey will involve, but I would like to share (and I have heard many other women echo this) that when I came round from having my mastectomy there was an immense feeling of relief that I was out the other side of all the agonising, and what ifs, and decisions about my body. It was done. You are in the eye of the storm right now. The worst of it I’d say. Try and trust the system and let yourself get swept up in it. The best advice I got from a friend who had been through it was very simple - she said I had to be selfish. That is so hard for Women! Think of your own needs for this time, lean into the world of cancer and lean on people in your life. You will quickly know who your people are (I was surprised at who wasn’t, like my sisters who I am theoretically very close to), and once you do, lean on them - they will feel honoured to take that role in my experience. And this forum (and breast Cancer Now in general) has been incredibly important and supportive for me. I wish you so much luck.
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Thank you for your kind words. This is such a supportive group and im grateful for it. Yes, people can be surprising! One friend broke downand said she couldn’t do life without me……ok, so it’s about you now then??
I was booked for an mri on the 17th but they just called to say they decided to do a mammogram with contrast instead, so im taking that as a win. They did say I had caught it early they thought so please God everything is ok and it can just be lumpectomy etc and nothing shows up they weren’t expecting. The constant waiting is unbearable, but today im taking no MRI, which i was petrified of, as a small win I am grateful for.
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@gezzab33 - what an absolutely rubbish Christmas present ! 
no wonder you’ve been so upset, finding frightening lumps on Christmas Day is not at all a fun way to spend Christmas especially as I suspect it meant the agony was prolonged as you couldn’t get a quick gp appointment at that stage .
I was diagnosed with left sided her 2 positive breast cancer in August 2024 , I didn’t hear much after they said “cancer” , it sounded like white noise .. for me the endless waiting for more tests and a final “firm” diagnosis , was emotionally exhausting , I couldn’t eat or sleep .. I had a mammogram guided biopsy a couple of weeks after my original biopsies too and it can be uncomfortable so I’d recommend taking some painkillers before hand .
For me , I found once I had a treatment plan , everything seemed to move quickly and from that point I felt positive that I was doing something proactive .
It’s usual to feel panicky at this stage too as you just want the cancer “gone” but it’s worth knowing that your team need a full picture to decide the best treatment .
I won’t lie, I was in a terrible state when I was diagnosed and my breast nurse refered me for counselling , which really helped , could you ask for some counselling ?
It’s easier said than done but in the meantime , don’t expect too much of yourself, treat yourself to something nice like a meal out .. the saving grace for me was I had a holiday booked which fell the day after my biopsy and mammogram appointment, it helped to take the edge of it so I wasn’t focusing solely on it x
I had a mastectomy , chemo and then targeted therapy .. I’m here 18 months on from my diagnosis x Remember that we only hear the sad stories of people who don’t make it , but since I was diagnosed I was shocked to find lots of people in my circle had previously had breast cancer and were well and living life to the full x
Arty1
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I totally understand the feeling of being terrified all the time! Everyone has different ways of coping. I started drinking a sherry every night, and got a friend to make me some rollies (I don’t smoke normally), and Kalm pills help - they are herbal Valerian. They take half an hour to kick in, and last about 4 hours. Take two to start with, and if that’s not enough, another two. I preferred not to talk about it to friends and family, but the word got out and several people who’d had it in the last couple of years told me of their experiences, so it stopped being so scary. I walked my dog a lot, and rode my horse. Riding is good because you have to focus on the horse, so the terror is kept at bay for an hour or so.
Try to go out for a walk as much as you can. The fresh air helps and the exercise helps. When you are terrified your body goes into freeze or flight mode, and the flight helps your subconscious brain to think it is dealing with the problem. Do you have a family member or friend who will go with you for a walk? Suddenly the horrible wet rain isn’t so bad.
Good luck, girl, you can do it. You are stronger than you think.
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Gezzab33. I had panic attacks years ago. I felt my head was exploding. I wanted to run for miles. My whole body would shake. Then I found a book…old one now….Self Help for Your Nerves by Dr Claire Weakes (Spelling may be wrong). She related panic attacks to itches. If you itch an itch, it gets worse. Logical. Your mind then starts to panic about the itch itching. So you think about it more and more. So the itch gets worse still. You wait for it to happen. Then it does happen. Self fulfilling thoughts ( i.e. I was right it did happen, I cant stop them!!!) Our mind becomes unhelpful. Our mind almost makes it happen because it goes on memory. We fear the panic. So the panic repeats and repeats. Her method was…to relax, think of something nice, take deep breaths, dont be scared of the itch….let it happen, let it go. After all, What can it do??? It took me a full week of trying to not panic. Then one day, I noticed I hadnt had a panic attack. Then the next day, then the next day…..then a week went by and a month. It felt odd. Unusual. The panic had almost become normal so where was it?. I wanted to look for it. It felt strange not having them. My body’s fight flight wanted to run. But I didnt need to run anymore. Gradually I started to relax. Do Art work. Go for walks. Enjoy my children. Realise I could master this black cloud… The lightning strikes. Her technique has stayed with me for 40yrs. I do have life events that push me to panic. Fight flight is part of who we are. Sometimes we need it to keep Safe. Sometimes we are exhausted. We trip up. But, Fear is healthy in the right place. It’s normal. I know how to calm my fears if I dont need to run away. Going shopping wont hurt me. Going outside is fine. So I dont need to be scared about those things. But I know it’s ok if I slip. Memory is a pain sometimes. The black cloud and lightning strike give me a jolt sometimes. But I know what to do. As another books title rightly states….I feel the fear and do it anyway!!!
Hope this helps you as much as it helped me.
Recently diagnosed with Lobular Breast Cancer. Operation next week. Lump is huge. BUT, I am organising my home (it was abit chaotic!!!). Ive got a gardener in to help with my weeds. (That was a jungle). Ive seen all my friends. Read up on LBC on this site (it is truly fabulous). Spoken to helpline Nurses (can’t thank them enough).
Any fears I have I reach for the phone and talk them through. I plan as much as I can. I treat myself when I can’t plan. Rest. Sleep.
I am gradually saying “goodbye to my old friend (boobs)”. Ive bought new bras from Cancer Research (bamboo) soo soft and lovely. Bright Pink !!! Never bought bright pink before.
Most importantly, I am being kind to myself. 
Sending calm hugs your way. X
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Thank you. Im just not able to do very much atm so cancer is all I can think about. Im scared to go outside, scared to talk to people I don’t know, scared of every bloody appointment. And my head feels like it’s made of wool. If I could just feel like myself again I could cope I think. But everything feels so surreal .x
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Thank you, I have that book and will read it now x
Gezzab33. Thats great to know you have the book. You dont have to read it in one full go if you cant do that. I couldnt read it in one go. My head was all over the place and I had two tiny children that kept me up every night/busy all day. So I was beyond shattered. Just read it in bite sized bits that you can cope with. At times that are good for you. You will find what works for you. Thinking of you and sending you strength. 
Hi there.
Oh dear. I’m so sorry you are finding things so difficult but it is totally normal to feel anxious, scared & out of control. It is all so surreal when it you get diagnosed. Like it’s happening to somebody else but no it’s actually you.
When I was diagnosed in August last year, I panicked, was physically sick, couldn’t eat. When I did feel well I’d down a bottle of prosecco or wine! Anything to take the edge of what I was feeling! It was all just so overwhelming. Even though my consultant & nurses were telling me it was so treatable & I was going to be ok, I just couldn’t quite think like that. I still have bad days & things can be difficult. I think once you get your treatment plan you might feel a little better to know what is in front of you. Also, I will say do not Google a blooming thing ( I think someone else said this) My consultant & the nurses said the same. Things are often outdated stats & might not be relevant to you anyway. Everyone is different. Even with what looks like the same diagnosis. It’ll just send you into a spiral you don’t need or want.
I have my own named nurse who is incredible. So kind, reassuring & listens to me cry & all my questions. So I would recommend always leaning on yours when you need to. Maybe join a local support group. There is one called Breast Friends CIC which started in my area of Essex but is in many areas now & reaching across the country to lots of people. They have meet ups, a FB page & Instagram page. It took me a while to think about if I want to meet up with others but I’m so glad I did. Of course there’s here too.
My first treatment was chemo which I finished 4 weeks ago today. Yay! Never thought I’d get this far but I have! I have my surgery next week which of course I’m so anxious about but this time next week it’ll be done & the nasty little bugger out! Just keep talking on here, everyone totally understands. Xx
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Thank you for being so kind. My surgery was on Thursday and I hope everything went well for yours x
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Hi again.
Hope your op went well? How are you getting on? Has the anxiety lifted a bit?
I’m ok thanks. I had my op 3 weeks ago tomorrow. Feeling good & healing well. Getting lots of movement back in my arm although it still feels a bit heavy & numb at times. Boobie ok. Much easier than I thought to be honest. I was worried about the whole thing & how we’d cope but apart from the first few days to a week I really can do most things for myself now.
Really hope someone is looking ater you xxx
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Hello there,
The op went well and the results and next steps I will find out tomorrow. Im glad you found the op OK too!
Im quite scared today but have been ok really lately. You just get your head around it and then the next bit comes, it’s like having children in that way!
Everyone has been so kind, apart from the guy who stole my flower delivery the day after my surgery, from.my front step….that annoyed me more than most things.
But I guess we use these things as a vehicle to let out the emotions we suppress without realising it.
I’ve been really angry the last day or 2 as ive managed to sleep for more than 2 hours(haven’t for over a month) and suspect I’ve start3d processing in a way that wasn’t possible before.
Xx
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Gezzab34
Hope all is going OK. Just saying Hi. Xxx 
sending you love and flowers that cant be pinched. Xxx
Ha! That made me laugh 
All is well so far, healing well, sleeping and just waiting on radiotherapy appointments and schedule.
The flower stealers will be hunted down, as ive just given my latest statement to the police and given them their address……
It annoyed me and im not letting it go lol xxxx
Glad you are reporting the nasty flower pincher to the Police. 
They need hunting out and stopping. 
Some people are unbelievable. Xxxx
Good to hear you are coping better. You are stronger than you think
We need to make sure we keep treating ourselves.
My chemo starts next week. I keep being told I will feel sick, go off food, feel lethargic etc etc. 
So……I have: treat myself to chocolate; big breakfasts; doughnuts
; nice chemo silk scarves; nice wig; treats for during chemo sessions; new TV for bedroom; oh and loads of yummy salad bar goodies 
, as well as beautiful colourful patchwork blanket for chemo sessions, so I feel cosy and nurtured.
Every problem I get told about, I plan a solution. 
Not obsessively, just realistically. Sensibly. Calmly.
So, worst scenario this week, was being told about sometimes not being able to move!!! Drained. Exhausted. Yikes. Thats a tough one for a person who needs the loo often. So…… You will like this 
or maybe not….
I went on an incontinence website and bought a load of travel wee bags…..
My thinking being, if I cant run to the toilet, let toilet come to me
Instead of worrying about an awful accident happening, I planned a solution. If I am OK during chemo, then these little gems may come in handy on long drives in the countryside 
.
Weve had operations…survived.
Weve had drains….survived.
Weve had sleepless nights…survived.
We will have treatment and ….we will survive. Sending flowers, love, chocolate and doughnuts your way. 
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Preparation is key well done @poppy261
The nausea will be very well managed with medication the chemo unit give you. My advice is write the times you need to take each tablet on the boxes. For example you might be sent home with an anti sickness tablet to take the next day. Write on that packet the day/ time (WEDS 11am) Sterpids might be each day for 3 days (WEDS 11am, THURS 11am, FRI 11am) and cross them out once you’ve taken them. That kind of thing. It really helped keep me in check and not miss any medications.
One of the best ways to ease most of the symptoms including fatigue is hydration and movement. Chemo hates exercise because moving your body flushes it all out. Unless you feel absolutely dreadful get yourself outside for a walk each day. Ive done this all the way through all apart from my last round and I can tell the difference. It is very easy to want to hide and stay home but movement is key even just a little bit
You are amazing! So much of this is out of our control, and you have firmly taken the reins for every eventuality and that will feel good.
I have coeliac disease so doughnuts are something I wake up in the night thinking about, rather than something I eat lol. I have been known to sniff my way along a bakery counter.
You’ ve been through a lot and have faced it all head on. Thats to be admired xxx