I have to hope that the panic will go as what after this could possibly frighten me. Thank you x
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Yes exactly this is my hope haha
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Such a wonderful post to read today. Thank you @sim2 very motivating for us all 
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@gezzab33 I felt so sad reading your post this morning - it took me right back. I am only just out the other side of the full gamut of treatment, and the only words of wisdom and encouragement I can offer you is that once you step on that train of active treatment, you are swept up and looked after and you just do everything thats asked of you. In its way itâs easier once treatment begins and you know what you are dealing with. It takes over your life completely, but there is a sort of simplicity in that. I donât know what your treatment journey will involve, but I would like to share (and I have heard many other women echo this) that when I came round from having my mastectomy there was an immense feeling of relief that I was out the other side of all the agonising, and what ifs, and decisions about my body. It was done. You are in the eye of the storm right now. The worst of it Iâd say. Try and trust the system and let yourself get swept up in it. The best advice I got from a friend who had been through it was very simple - she said I had to be selfish. That is so hard for Women! Think of your own needs for this time, lean into the world of cancer and lean on people in your life. You will quickly know who your people are (I was surprised at who wasnât, like my sisters who I am theoretically very close to), and once you do, lean on them - they will feel honoured to take that role in my experience. And this forum (and breast Cancer Now in general) has been incredibly important and supportive for me. I wish you so much luck.
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Thank you for your kind words. This is such a supportive group and im grateful for it. Yes, people can be surprising! One friend broke downand said she couldnât do life without meâŠâŠok, so itâs about you now then??
I was booked for an mri on the 17th but they just called to say they decided to do a mammogram with contrast instead, so im taking that as a win. They did say I had caught it early they thought so please God everything is ok and it can just be lumpectomy etc and nothing shows up they werenât expecting. The constant waiting is unbearable, but today im taking no MRI, which i was petrified of, as a small win I am grateful for.
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@gezzab33 - what an absolutely rubbish Christmas present ! 
no wonder youâve been so upset, finding frightening lumps on Christmas Day is not at all a fun way to spend Christmas especially as I suspect it meant the agony was prolonged as you couldnât get a quick gp appointment at that stage .
I was diagnosed with left sided her 2 positive breast cancer in August 2024 , I didnât hear much after they said âcancerâ , it sounded like white noise .. for me the endless waiting for more tests and a final âfirmâ diagnosis , was emotionally exhausting , I couldnât eat or sleep .. I had a mammogram guided biopsy a couple of weeks after my original biopsies too and it can be uncomfortable so Iâd recommend taking some painkillers before hand .
For me , I found once I had a treatment plan , everything seemed to move quickly and from that point I felt positive that I was doing something proactive .
Itâs usual to feel panicky at this stage too as you just want the cancer âgoneâ but itâs worth knowing that your team need a full picture to decide the best treatment .
I wonât lie, I was in a terrible state when I was diagnosed and my breast nurse refered me for counselling , which really helped , could you ask for some counselling ?
Itâs easier said than done but in the meantime , donât expect too much of yourself, treat yourself to something nice like a meal out .. the saving grace for me was I had a holiday booked which fell the day after my biopsy and mammogram appointment, it helped to take the edge of it so I wasnât focusing solely on it x
I had a mastectomy , chemo and then targeted therapy .. Iâm here 18 months on from my diagnosis x Remember that we only hear the sad stories of people who donât make it , but since I was diagnosed I was shocked to find lots of people in my circle had previously had breast cancer and were well and living life to the full x
Arty1
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I totally understand the feeling of being terrified all the time! Everyone has different ways of coping. I started drinking a sherry every night, and got a friend to make me some rollies (I donât smoke normally), and Kalm pills help - they are herbal Valerian. They take half an hour to kick in, and last about 4 hours. Take two to start with, and if thatâs not enough, another two. I preferred not to talk about it to friends and family, but the word got out and several people whoâd had it in the last couple of years told me of their experiences, so it stopped being so scary. I walked my dog a lot, and rode my horse. Riding is good because you have to focus on the horse, so the terror is kept at bay for an hour or so.
Try to go out for a walk as much as you can. The fresh air helps and the exercise helps. When you are terrified your body goes into freeze or flight mode, and the flight helps your subconscious brain to think it is dealing with the problem. Do you have a family member or friend who will go with you for a walk? Suddenly the horrible wet rain isnât so bad.
Good luck, girl, you can do it. You are stronger than you think.
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Gezzab33. I had panic attacks years ago. I felt my head was exploding. I wanted to run for miles. My whole body would shake. Then I found a bookâŠold one nowâŠ.Self Help for Your Nerves by Dr Claire Weakes (Spelling may be wrong). She related panic attacks to itches. If you itch an itch, it gets worse. Logical. Your mind then starts to panic about the itch itching. So you think about it more and more. So the itch gets worse still. You wait for it to happen. Then it does happen. Self fulfilling thoughts ( i.e. I was right it did happen, I cant stop them!!!) Our mind becomes unhelpful. Our mind almost makes it happen because it goes on memory. We fear the panic. So the panic repeats and repeats. Her method wasâŠto relax, think of something nice, take deep breaths, dont be scared of the itchâŠ.let it happen, let it go. After all, What can it do??? It took me a full week of trying to not panic. Then one day, I noticed I hadnt had a panic attack. Then the next day, then the next dayâŠ..then a week went by and a month. It felt odd. Unusual. The panic had almost become normal so where was it?. I wanted to look for it. It felt strange not having them. My bodyâs fight flight wanted to run. But I didnt need to run anymore. Gradually I started to relax. Do Art work. Go for walks. Enjoy my children. Realise I could master this black cloud⊠The lightning strikes. Her technique has stayed with me for 40yrs. I do have life events that push me to panic. Fight flight is part of who we are. Sometimes we need it to keep Safe. Sometimes we are exhausted. We trip up. But, Fear is healthy in the right place. Itâs normal. I know how to calm my fears if I dont need to run away. Going shopping wont hurt me. Going outside is fine. So I dont need to be scared about those things. But I know itâs ok if I slip. Memory is a pain sometimes. The black cloud and lightning strike give me a jolt sometimes. But I know what to do. As another books title rightly statesâŠ.I feel the fear and do it anyway!!!
Hope this helps you as much as it helped me.
Recently diagnosed with Lobular Breast Cancer. Operation next week. Lump is huge. BUT, I am organising my home (it was abit chaotic!!!). Ive got a gardener in to help with my weeds. (That was a jungle). Ive seen all my friends. Read up on LBC on this site (it is truly fabulous). Spoken to helpline Nurses (canât thank them enough).
Any fears I have I reach for the phone and talk them through. I plan as much as I can. I treat myself when I canât plan. Rest. Sleep.
I am gradually saying âgoodbye to my old friend (boobs)â. Ive bought new bras from Cancer Research (bamboo) soo soft and lovely. Bright Pink !!! Never bought bright pink before.
Most importantly, I am being kind to myself. 
Sending calm hugs your way. X
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Thank you. Im just not able to do very much atm so cancer is all I can think about. Im scared to go outside, scared to talk to people I donât know, scared of every bloody appointment. And my head feels like itâs made of wool. If I could just feel like myself again I could cope I think. But everything feels so surreal .x
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Thank you, I have that book and will read it now x
Gezzab33. Thats great to know you have the book. You dont have to read it in one full go if you cant do that. I couldnt read it in one go. My head was all over the place and I had two tiny children that kept me up every night/busy all day. So I was beyond shattered. Just read it in bite sized bits that you can cope with. At times that are good for you. You will find what works for you. Thinking of you and sending you strength. 