I dont even know what to say. I found 2 lumps on Christmas Day, then had mammograms, ultrasound and 6 biopsies on Monday. Was told it is cancer. I have an appointment on Monday with the consultant. I have been doing deep trauma work with a therapist for 4 months that I stopped a week ago as I am having too many panic attacks now, and then this. I haven’t been at work since Monday and don’t know how to cope with any of this at all. Im just terrified all the time.
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Hi @gezzab33 so sorry you find yourself here with us and you are struggling. Not the Christmas you had planned I bet!
You’ve found the right place here for support 
I have dealt with anxiety most of my adult life, not for any real trauma just me being me I guess. It morphed into health anxiety after my mum got breast cancer 8 years ago and after covid. When I got my diagnosis, 10 years earlier than my mums, it was genuinely like living my worst nightmare. My body went into shock and I ended up having to speak to my GP. They managed to prescribe me Propanolol which instantly helped. I wouldn’t have got through my MRI scan without them. It felt like my insides suddenly stopped wobbling haha. If its at all possible definitely speak to your doctor about your anxiety. This isnt a normal situation you find yourself in but you will eventually get used to your new normal. Until then why not get a bit of help to get you through for a while.
As you’ve probably realised there’s a lot of waiting around after your diagnosis which definitely doesnt help our nerves.
Try to keep in mind that finding your lumps has seriously increased your chances of living a long and healthy life. Once we find these things we get the help we need to fight them. It doesnt feel positive yet but take it from my mum who is 8 years through and thriving. She would have loved to not get cancer, but there’s not a day goes by that she isn’t glad she found hers.
Big hugs
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Thank you so much. I really think I might need something now. I’ve got myself in such a tizzy im afraid to go outside now. I cant imagine going to Mondays appointment like this, I have zero perspective.
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I’m really sorry that you’re going through this. I am just out of radiotherapy and know how terrifying the diagnostics phase is. I had a lump on each side one was DCIS, the other was cancer. I found going through CBT helped me alot in managing anxiety and panic attacks. One thing my therapist would do was ask me what I needed. Once I answered that and took small actions to get it, the situation felt a little more manageable. The situation got better once I had clarity around the diagnosis and eventually had a plan. In the meantime, I learned to lean on people and ask for help (as hard as it was at first). Be kind to yourself. Whatever you feel is ok and while you may feel like you’re not coping, coping looks different for everyone. Macmillan are wonderful if you need someone to talk to without fear or judgement. Wishing you all the best
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Thank you.
Thank you. Everyone says it gets easier as the unknown becomes more known, so I shall hang on to that. Have called gp now as cant go on like this when I’ just at the beginning of the journey.
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Hi , I can really identify with what your saying so I hope like the other ladies I can give you a little bit of reassurance .
I was diagnosed on the 12th Dec , had my lumpectomy on the 5th Jan and currently waiting for surgery results.
I was ( and still am sometimes ) absolutely terrified when I got my diagnosis. I was scared of everything, the unknown , the operation, what comes next plus a million other “ what ifs ‘ .
Thankfully I found this forum and got so much support from all the lovely ladies and they gave me the strength to get through each step.
One thing I’ve learned is the fear is far greater than the reality . I was petrified of the operation but it was no where near as bad as I’d anticipated.
Things definitely get easier once you have a plan of action .
Whatever you do don’t Google , it will send you down a rabbit hole you don’t need to go down . The information is out of date so possibly not relevant anyway.
I know you will find lots of support day and night in this forum , we are all here for each other every step of the way xx
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Thank you so much, it means a lot. Definitely not googling!! Have been given some diazepam to take the edge off and citalopram to start in the morning. Will be something. Wont be forever but will help now. It does help to know you are all there xx
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Thats it. It’s just for now
The propanolol was completely needed and necessary for me. I am still going through my cancer journey but I no longer need the meds 
Cancer has definitely given me some resilience I didn’t have before.
I hope you are able to enjoy the weekend a little bit, do something really nice for yourself. Distractions are key
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Your right , it’s just for now and not forever
It’s a journey we are all on , all at different stages but each journey has a beginning , a middle and an end . One thing I can guarantee about this forum is no matter where you on that journey we will be here every step of the way to support you xx
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I totally understand what you’re going through in fact we all do. Keep in touch on here because everyone is so helpful & supportive.
I don’t know where I’d be at without the support of my lovely Macmillan Nurse Jenny. When my mind starts spiralling I can call her or arrange to go see her & have a chat & she’ll always bring me back so to speak & helps ease my mind.
If you are able to speak with your BCN I’d suggest contacting her over any concerns & worries you have, they really are amazing lovely supportive people
Take care XX
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Thank you, I will do that. And thank you all for being so understanding xx
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Sorry you have had to join us, but you have been given fab advice and even better you acted in it. It isn’t always easy opening up to people. Even if they are there to help. I was going to suggest like @loki about getting in touch with your nurses in breast cancer care. Also see if you have a Maggies nearby. They offer drop ins, art therapy and other therapies for free and help with financial or support needs. Reach out if you can to as many local places. Unfortunately they can be hidden and hard to find. But, there are usually different ways to get support and we are here for you too x
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Thank you for being lovely x
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I am another who can totally empathise with how you feel. You have already made a huge step just by writing on here. The support is an absolute lifeline when you are full of anxiety and fear. The waiting is just so hard and it does feel there’s no end to it. You wait for biopsy results, Er and her2 results, mri results, post surgery results and in my case now CT results (even though my lymph nodes were clear my tumour was bigger than first thought) . @foxgem is right about the drugs! Glad you have some. I have Diazapam and Praproponol . I keep them for results day and night before. They have been a game changer! Just take one day at a time and we’ll all be here for you xx
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@gezzab33 welcome and sorry you’ve suddenly had to join our lumpy group of lovelies! However, here kind people take the time to reassure, share their knowledge, wisdom and humour which helps make the unplanned journey that is breast cancer a little less isolated. I get the anxiety and panic attacks and how debilitating they are - sending a reassuring hug to you and agree sharing this with your GP and BC nurse might help you find a route to support you further - you are not alone. Xx PS I have resorted to a couple of sweary T-shirts that tell Cancer to bog off (but ruder)….which has helped me 
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It’s been found. That’s positive.
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Hi Gezzan33, it sounds like it’s a really tough time for you right now. It is so tough with the diagnosis at Christmas! And with the trauma you already had.
Panic attacks are debilitating.. and the anxiety - no words. As many have said, the diagnosis phase is honestly the hardest in some ways, because there is so much unknown. There is way too much information to take in all at once, and you feel too slow. In fact years of knowledge behind every day. Worse so, you start realising you’ll never understand it in this lifetime, and you suddenly need to trust doctors and nurses with your body for millions of tests, then have the strength to wait in the unknown. Then trust them with the treatment you don’t understand. It is so very hard.
But in your very worst moments, when it seems that this will never end, give yourself time to be, to cry if you need, or be angry and remember that this too shall pass.
Don’t let your fear of making a mess of yourself or your behaviour to stop you from turning up to the appointments. Find strength to go even if you’re not feeling it, and you might find it isn’t as bad in the end.. sometimes though, it will be bad, but sometimes it will be actually alright.
It does get a bit easier once the treatment is under way. Ultimately, maybe the life is giving you a chance to discover a new you without panic attacks eventually. That’s how I motivate myself anyway.. I’ve not found it yet, but I am staying hopeful
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Also maybe this will help:
At the begining of my journey I asked people to share their success stories. Reading them has really helped me: Need a success story
Go to Maggie’s you can just walk in or call, they offer various support workshops etc. it may help take your mind off. ( If you don’t have Maggie’s near you, ask your BC what is the nearest Cancer support centre near you).
Every morning ask yourself what do I need, what would be best for me today.
And post here anytime you need it! Sending hugs
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Sending you so much love and strength .. everyone is different but I dealt with mine but compartmentalising.. the hospital could deal with thr cancer as they are experts and know what they are doing and I could deal with me
I hope ur ok .. keep remembering they are experts xxx
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