Now im getting worried!!!

Hi everyone,

I have been reading the posts on this forum and i think all of you ladies are so helpful, kind and understanding especially to people that are in the " waiting room".
I am due at the breast clinic next thursday and im now getting worried. My husband is not one to show his emotions and at times this has annoyed me because i have been ill since 2010 and he hasnt wanted to know whats up with me but has cared for me as im now housebound.
He isnt coming with me to the hospital he thinks its better that my mom takes me but i must ring him straight away to tell him whats going on. Is anyone elses husband / partner like this because it has hurt me!.
Last night while he was showering me i asked him to check my breast to see that im not going daft and there is a lump. He did and he got upset saying he could feel a hard lump underneath that doesnt move and also a hard mass above it. He now realises that he cant keep putting his head in the sand he must be realistic about what is happening.
I am now getting very worried because i have had a terrible few years ( had accident at work, daughter groomed by evil men, got nerve damage all over body, now housebound ) and i dont know how much more i can take. i keep asking myself “why me” what have i done so wrong in my life that i just seem to have one thing after another.
Im sorry to go on but i just need someone to talk to that understands how i feel and just hold my hand through the unknown.
love nicki xxxxxxxx

Hiya…I no exactly how you are feeling…the waiting is horrible your mind seems to just run away…Have you called the helpline they are very good at listening to you when you need a good rant…I hope all goes well for you…men are strange when it comes to these things my partner seems to be in total denial that I have a problem and he says let’s just wait and see and that just drives me crazy…everyone one here are so understanding and welling to listen…if you need to talk Im here xx

Hi …I just want to say I am sorry to hear what a tough time you have been having …and also to say that I was officially diagnosed on March 9th and had been worrying about it since February…at first I felt like I had fallen through some hole into a parallel world - one which I resisted being in with every bit of me…BUT two months later I have found that I am able to say that I can accept what has happened and am coping with it as best I can and to be honest I feel quite proud of myself for how I have dealt with it…My husband (like many men I think) has had alot of trouble coming to terms with it as his way of dealing with things is to put his head in the sand and pretend everything is ok…Your husband is probably just scared of what he will hear and isn’t feeling ready to have to face it. Mine went to the hospital but couldn’t bring himself to come into the room to hear the results of the biopsy and so I had to go through that on my own and then come out and tell him and try to answer his questions - which made it worse cos I was struggling myself obviously. I know it is hard for us but there life changes as well - and when I thought of it being the other way round - if he had been diagnosed - I know I would have been terrified for him and for myself…So just be kind to yourself and hopefully your husband will be able to come to terms with it - he obviously cares for you very much or he wouldn’t be doing the things he is doing and telling you to ring him straight away.
I can understand how you feel life is too hard and wondering why it is happening to you…I thought my life had been hard - and then it just got harder…but we are strong people and we are not going to let this beat us…whatever it does to our bodies it mustn’t be allowed to take our hearts and minds down with it…I started a journal on the day I was diagnosed and wrote everything down in it that I felt…it consisted of a lot of four letter words in large scribble for some time…I even wrote down exactly what I felt about the way my husband was behaving…and one day he found it and read it and got upset …but I told him that it is just my way of getting rid of the feelings inside and better than arguing with him…Now when he sees me writing in it he says ‘I haven’t done anything’…to which I say ‘It’s not all about you’…and we end up having a laugh…So the journal has helped in more ways than one. It’s just a suggestion but it might help.
I’ve got alot of support from this site - and made two lovely virtual friends through it and we email each other more or less every day…They were both going through their ops at the same time as me and it really has helped. Also you get lots of other people commenting and supporting…just sometimes you read people’s posts who are in much worse situations than you and you do feel sorry for them…but it can get scary too so be careful how much you read and stop when it feels too much. I honestly never expected to be on here giving advice but I am starting chemo on 30th this month and I already feel that I have faced up to, and come through, so much that I am feeling more confident to deal with it…Still get wobbly about it all but that’s natural.
Sending you strength and hugs…and blessings.

Dear Nicky, I am sorry that you have had a lot on your plate. I am pleased that you are taking the lump seriously and that you new you have an appointment at the hospital. My daughter recently found a lump . She could feel a definate lump and asked her boyfriend to check as she did wonder if what she was in fact feeling was a lump. He encouraged her to go to the GP and the GP too could feel a lump. But the good news is that not al lumps are serious but all lumps should be looked at by a specialist at the hospital. You are right the waiting is the pits. The good news was that my daughter’s lump was normal body tissue. I hope that is what yours is too.The hospital examined her, sent her for an ultrasound and gave her a needle biopsy.
As for your comment “why me. What have I done wrong?” Personlly I have always said “Why NOT me”. You don’t have problems in life because you have done something wrong. It is just life and things can get thrown at us from all angles unfortunately. I wish you well and let us know how you get on at the hospital. Val