My head has been somewhere else this past week as I found out then that my younger sister also has breast cancer. She had her pre-op assessment today and due for surgery in a weeks time.
I was dx 3 years ago aged 38 but my sister is 34 and the similarity is that both our lumps are/were in the right breast. I am also going through a guilty phase as my sister is going to lose her breast and I didn’t lose mine. This is making me feel very teary and my mood is really low (if it isn’t already!). Until she sees her consultant, we dont know how agressive it is or what stage or grade? When I talk to her about it she says that she is fine and when I said to my dad I thought she was in a bit denial, I’m the one that got the head chewed off her!!!. Thought I was only being helpful in pointing out the different stages to my sister to let her know what she might go through. I feel sometimes that I can’t do right for doing wrong.
I know I am being a bit selfish but she will have to go through so much before she comes out the other side and I know its good she is thinking positively, but I was the same and then 9 months later, I took a breakdown.
This disease is a ruiner of families, I swear it is. Firstly our mother had it and has passed away 16 years ago, now I am in remission for last 3 years and now my sister. And they had the cheek to say that it might not be familial! That’s a joke!
I just want the best for my sister and let her know that she has options. I really feel so bad for her because I dont like her consultant and feel that he is too handy in cutting off women’s breasts instead of saving them. Im under a different consultant at a different hospital and my breast was saved. Am I wrong to point out the options open to her?
Sorry for the rant folks, just needed to let off steam. Really feeling a bit down and lost at moment.
Hi Elizabeth - so sorry this disease has struck your family again. I live with the constant fear that my elder sister, and only surviving close relative, will get cancer, as my Dad died of colon cancer at 59 and my twin brother at 50 of an inoperable brain tumour. My GP said to me once, after my dx with cancer,(as I also have Crohn’s) that I was dealt a bad hand of cards when I was born. If that is the case, not much I can do about the hand, but I believe it is in knowing how to play those cards, that helps me cope.
I agree with Mole, that perhaps your sister can ask for a second opinion. It could be that she may have widespread DCIS, or some other bc condition, and the mastectomy may be the only solution. I would hate to think I was in the hands of a surgeon whose first thought was to lop breasts off. I was offered a lumpectomy with rx, or a mastectomy, no mention of chemo at all until I had second surgery for total axillary removal. I had a lumpectomy. I still think my surgeon made the right decision in offering me a choice, as some 4 and a half years later, I still have my breast and it is not deformed, just very swollen with lymphoedema.
The reality of your sister’s diagnosis will take time to sink in, and hopefully then, she will come to you for advice and comfort. The surgeon won’t be able to tell your sister what stage,grade, or hormone status she has until the pathology report is done, after her surgery. It could be that she will need your invaluable support then. Take it easy with her - she is in a very vulnerable state right now and knowing what you went through, makes it all the harder for her to cope with her own diagnosis.
Thank you both for reading my rant. My sister goes to see her consultant on Wednesday and goes through her op on thursday morning. I’ve been crying with worry over her and hope that her surgeon is doing the right thing by her. She has been told her lump is right behind her nipple so therefore they have to take the breast off. I thought that if they put a J- wire in then they could do a lumpectomy, however my sister believes that its in an awkward area so the breast has to come off.
I would like to ask a favour from you lovely people who read this, and remember my sister in your prayers on thursday. Thank you so much for your replies.
I will remember your sister in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow.
It does rather sound as if the surgeon is correct in advising a mastectomy, due to the position of the tumour. I have a friend who had a mastectomy 12 yrs ago, having had a leaking nipple. Her tumour was also behind the nipple. My friend was dx with the same type of bc last week in her other breast and is having another mastectomy this week, so it does seem as if a mastectomy is the correct surgical procedure for this particular condition.
Try and be strong for your sister as she needs your love and comfort. You can always come on here to have a rant at any time and somebody will respond.
Just thought i would let you know that my sister didnt get her op done as she has been diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer, which has already spread to a couple of nodes. They have said it has been caught early and her lump is only bout and inch in diameter. She starts Chemo on wednesday. I would also like to take this time to thank you for your kind thoughts and prayers said for my sister.
I also feel I no so little bout IBC but am making it my aim to know more. Still feel quite sad about it as she is the youngest in our family and she has 3 girls. The whole family and her in-laws are rallying to support her and her family and I will do what I can to help, although I am limited due to my disabilities.
I’ve only just caught up with this thread and I really wanted to wish your sister well for her first chemo session on weds. I remember when I started mine in may, after my mastectomy (I’m 34) and I was soooooooo nervous. To say I was shi**ing myself would have been a massive understatement!! Anyway, I am pleased to say that it was nowhere near as scary as I had allowed myself to imagine it would be!
I really hope your sister has as ‘good’ an experience as I had.
Take care and be sure to let us know how you are all doing,
Kelly
-x-
P.S. I am having my next chemo session on weds (I’m on E-CMF) so I will certainly be thinking of your sister!
I would like to say that my sister’s lump and inflammation is significantly reduced and she has just had her third chemo. They will be scanning her again after her 4th chemo to assess when will be the best time to do her mastectomy. She is a bit down at the moment however her 9 month old daughter is keeping her spirits up as are her other two daughters.
As a family we were all helping her cope until wednesday when we were informed that our father who is 63 years old has stomach cancer that has spread to his liver and lymph glands, and he has about 6 months left to live. We are all heartbroken as we lost our mother to bc nearly 17 years ago and with my sister so ill we are all going through hell. There are no words really to describe how we all are. As a family, to say it has devastated us is an underestimation.
sorry for ranting again but my heart is really breaking and feel that I’ve nowhere to turn. Im the eldest in the family and feel that ive got to put a brave face on it all for everyone, including my dad. Think im still in shock though.
Thank you again for your prayers and thoughts for my sister.
If you feel it would help to talk this over with one of our helpliners this morning please do feel free to give them a call.The helpline team can offer you further support and a ‘listening ear’ which may help you during this difficult time.The line opens at 9am and is open 9am-5pm Monday to Friday and Saturday 9am-2pm on 0808 800 6000
Best wishes
Sam
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care
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Sorry I’ve not been online for a while. My dad is really ill and in hospital now and has been really sick. My sister has her scan today and should get her results on Thursday. So we are all keeping our fingers crossed. Hopefully she will get her operation before christmas.
My dad feels within himself that he will not last till christmas but the ward nurses have been very kind to him and spending a lot of time with him when we are not there. He had already started buying christmas presents and has said to my daughter just to give me and my sisters our presents when they come. That has really broke my heart, knowing that he feels that he wont see christmas. It is a devastating time for us all.
I have been for genetic testing as I was a live donor and had tissue samples and bloods done but they have found nothing within BRCA1 or 2 to say that our breast cancer is hereditary. I had a mammogram done recently and it was clear, so I am now 3 years in remission. My dad was really pleased to hear that.
Hope that you are all keeping well and wish you all the best. Your thoughts and prayers have been gratefully appreciated.